It started out sad. I woke up sad. I don't really know why. I got out of bed anyway and got in the shower. Got dressed and left. On the drive to work, I just wanted to turn around and go home. I didn't want to be there. Traffic worsened my mood because people are fucking stupid drivers. I get to work, and start crying. It's all I can do to stop myself from crying, but I don't even know why the fuck I'm having this break down. Then during lunch I texted my friend, because I felt horrible for eating a rice krispie bar and drinking a pop. I told her that sometimes I get the urge to overeat on purpose, but I pretty much never do it anymore. Then I nearly started bawling. She tried to make me feel better, but it only made me feel worse because I know there's people that love and care about me that don't want me to feel like this. The more I tried to control trying not to cry, the worse I felt, and nothing was helping. This break down was NOT about food. The only thing that made me feel any better was that I promised myself I was going to go home and write it out. The first piece I wrote was very dark and twisted: http://alittleclosertofiction.wordpress.com/2013/05/13/bones/

Then I wrote a BDSM erotica. I meant for it to be dark and twisted as well, but it didn't turn out that way: http://alittleclosertofiction.wordpress.com/2013/05/13/denial/

I don't know if I really feel better, or if I shoved it down inside. I don't know what's wrong with me. I hope this sadness is gone, and that I don't cry anymore :/

Well, part of the reason. I realized that I want no part of socialized health care. The health care industry is so fucked up already, and the government isn't going to make it any better. I don't want the government making choices for me about being a therapist. Maybe if I can figure out a way to be an agorist therapist..that would be awesome. Also, having my own little internet business would enable me to do what I would love the most: being a stay at home mom...when/if that ever happens...

Speaking of, I have a couple new limited editions made: Hey, Sexy Lady, which is actually Sex on the Beach, and smells as such, with fresh peaches, oranges, and spiced cranberry. It smells divine. I have four 4oz jars and two 2oz jars. And then, the sexiest candle I've ever smelled in my life: Honey and Chocolate. Raw honey, cocoa butter, and chocolate. I have never...I am in love with this candle..and I only have TWO 4oz jars left, so you better snap them up if you want them!! Rings of Rainbows is back in the shop, as well. It's going to be probably another month until my website is ready, so I have a sad panda. I don't want to list anything on Etsy if I don't have to, so if anyone wants to just use PayPal or Bitcoin, that's good with me! I just don't want to pay for every listing anymore, because I've paid ridiculous amounts of money for listing fees. So, just let me know if you want either of these two scents!! They're both fabulous :D And of course, you can always visit the shop: https://www.etsy.com/shop/crazy2love

Also, flash sale for today only: Use SAVORY10 to get 25% off your order!

So, on my weight loss journey, I've had 2 pops in something like 11 days..I really have no idea how many days. I've been eating healthier, with Skinny Taste as my inspiration for healthy recipes. So far, my absolute favorite is the zesty avocado cilantro dressing that I've made for chicken. I also like the Skinny Green Monster Smoothie..my first green smoothie!! Delicious! I tried the open faced tuna salad, not really a fan. I am a fan of everything avocado though!! Freaking delicious! I've lost 6 pounds thus far...and I'm excited to keep on going! Getting a gym membership soon...any suggestions for a work out playlist??

Also, there's only tonight and tomorrow to enter April's giveaway!! Make any purchase and be entered into the contest!! The prize is a piece of jewelry of the winner's choice from @LKJSlain!! So go, go, free jewelry! https://www.etsy.com/shop/crazy2love

Also, masturbating every day is supposed to make one happier in one's life. Jus sayin.

Why in the hell am I putting myself through this? This is day 2 of no caffeine, and day 3 of no pop. I have never forced myself to quit all caffeine like this, and it's horrible. This crash from lack of caffeine is making me SO freaking tired and disoriented. I'm not doing well at work because I feel exhausted, and I just woke up from a 2 hour nap. I still feel tired, and I'm fighting sleeping more. I want to read, but I don't know if I can concentrate. I've had more water to drink in the last 72 hours than any other 72 hour period in my life. The worst thing I've had to drink is orange juice.

I'm trying to eat healthier. If I could, I would drink coffee straight up, but I don't like the taste, I think it's disgusting. I have to sweeten it. I can tolerate some teas, but I'm trying to just kick caffeine altogether. Probably the healthiest thing to do. But goddamn, am I miserable right now. I keep wanting to cave, and have just one pop..but I'm not. I keep wondering when this withdrawl period will be over.

Okay, done whining about my shit. I think I'm going to read now.

I finally put some music on my phone, because I'm sick of streaming from Pandora and hearing the KIND of music I want to listen to but not the exact songs. This is also the first time I've been on my computer in days, and my battery is dying. But I was looking over a whole bunch of the music I have, and I get nostalgic about music I haven't listened to in a long time, like Emily by From First to Last. Speaking of music, I went to a metal concert on Saturday night. It was a good time, and I got drunk and stayed up until something like 5:30am :D The first opening band was pretty awesome, and made me miss my darker side. The lead singer had a great stage presence for maintaining the creepy vibe of the band..with a creepy, maniac smile. They played a cover of Every Breath You Take, and I somehow found it sexy in a dark way, that the words found themselves in a dark corner of the bar, on the verge of being stalkerish in a cool way. Maybe what I'm saying doesn't make much sense, but maybe they do if you're a little dark like me. Or, maybe I'm a little twisted...I don't know. I find some creepy things like that sexy sometimes.

So. I have a lot that I want to say..but not yet, haha. Just that..hmm. Getting to know someone more is a welcome change in my life, and we'll see where it goes..

Listening to the soundtrack to Repo! The Genetic Opera. LOVES. Anyway....my website will hopefully be up and running soon!!!! SUPER EXCITED!!!! I'll post it when I have it all set up XD

I hope all of you are well..I would stick around, but my computer is about to die and I'm too lazy to get up and plug it in, haha.

is that I don't blog much here anymore because I have nothing to say that people are interested in. I either want to talk about my business, or I want to talk about liberty. Liberty is not a subject matter that is talked about here on Xanga, and when I do, it's not something that's received well, for some reason. I don't know why that is...one would think that people want to be more free in their lives...and yet, I always see people defend the government for some reason or other. I'm devoting my life to liberty, and that's what I find interesting. I do not care about celebrities and what they're doing or not doing, I do not care about what's in style, or anything of the sort. That kind of thing is superficial and does not interest me.

Meanwhile, I do miss reading the personal posts, and seeing how my friends are doing, and what's going on in their lives. While I'm not around much, there are other ways you can keep in contact with me, such as Facebook, and I just started tooling around on Google+. I also started writing a liberty oriented blog on Wordpress, and I made the first post today. If you're interested in learning new ideas or if you want to interact with me there, the URL is controlthesheep.wordpress.com, and you can follow me there and see my thoughts on liberty and how I'm living my life.

I would like to say that I'm not shutting this Xanga down...but there is a reason I haven't been around, and I do miss everyone. I love and appreciate the friendships I've made here, and I hope they continue. And who knows...I might be back with more regularity at some point in the future. As far as right now, blogging at Xanga isn't very high on my priority list...mostly because the things I have going on are my business and trying to spread the ideas of liberty. And hopefully I'll help guide some people to new ideas along the way.

Yeah, I never had a chance to write a blog for here, but it is indeed my birthday today. I am 27 years old now. Birthday's are starting to get weird...it's an odd thing to think about, aging. When you're younger, you never really think about how old you are. Now that I'm approaching 30, I think about my life, and the direction it's going. I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I wonder many things.

But anyway, since it's my birthday, I created coupon code BIRTHDAY27 to get 27% off any orders in the shop. I was going to end it tonight, but since I didn't post this here, I'll extend it into tomorrow in case there's anyone who wants to have a go at something they like in the shop. I also wanted to thank everyone who has supported me in my business, I appreciate it more than you know <3

https://www.etsy.com/shop/crazy2love

And now, I'm going to end my night by reading a book in bed...I hope everyone is well.

Okay, so the hard drive on my computer crashed a couple weeks ago, and I've got a new one and everything..however, I don't know which driver I need to install to make the volume and brightness keys work again, using the blue Fn key..does anyone know?? If it helps, my computer is a Sony Vaio, PCG-71315L...