I haven’t been eating much again. It didn’t start out on purpose. It never does. I just start forgetting to eat. One would ask…how do you forget to eat? I honestly don’t know how it happens…but time will pass, and I will realize I haven’t eaten for 9 hours. There have been many times where I’ve eaten once in a 24 or 48 hour period. I haven’t started feeling weak or anemic…yet. But I know it’ll happen eventually if I continue. Usually once I become aware of it, I start trying to eat normally. But..I haven’t been. But maybe this is the reason I’ve been feeling so tired… Yesterday I ate a Slim Jim, 8 carrots, 3 baby red potatoes that were cooked with a roast, and 1 bite of the roast. Today we went out to lunch, and I ate a spinach and mushroom enchilada, with refried beans and potatoes, and I had a bag of popcorn a couple hours ago. On Monday, I ate…a small chicken wing. I don’t think I ate anything on Sunday. I don’t remember.

I know I shouldn’t be doing this. I know it’s not healthy. But I don’t know how to stop. I can tell that my face is thinner. My mom told me that my belly is smaller. I’m feeling some hunger..but it’s not that strong, and I know it won’t last long. Since I haven’t been eating much, I’ve been getting cravings to pig out on junk food. Ugh… and when I do eat, my stomach doesn’t like me. It gets upset, and I get diarrhea. TMI..? I don’t know. I know that this happens because my body is trying to rush nutrients through my system, so it hurries up to digest. I will try and eat more tomorrow..maybe….

I have two of them. They are both for staffing companies..but they are staffing companies that provide professional and skilled labor. I need to find something nice to wear. I need to figure out what to do with my hair. So, it’s very long and thick. It’s almost to my butt…it’s at least longer than halfway down my back. Plus, I had the top half dyed blonde and put red over it, but it’s grown out…and you can see my grey strands :/ I’m thinking straighten it (otherwise it’s kinda weird wavy) and put the top half back in a barrette of some kind? It looks better pulled back like that..it looks like the growth out is more blended, I guess. I can’t afford to get the roots touched up. I will also need to do my nails in a more neutral color, I suppose…like a light pink or beige.

I am so hoping that one of these places will have a job for me. One of the places said they only start at $10-12 though :/ I kind of need to make more than that….but if I can sell candles, maybe it’ll be okay.

OHMIGAWD

Speaking of candles, I was contacted by someone to be on a talk radio show, talking about my candles!!! The interview would be broadcast to over 110 stations, 2XM stations, and a podcast. HOLY FUCKING SHIZ. I’m nervous though, because the thought of speaking to so many listeners kind of freaks me out. The show is called Free Talk Live, a radio show devoted to the message of liberty. LINK. Obviously, this would be a HUGE opportunity for my business. Could you even imagine…? I would be worried about getting more business than I can handle…but I’m going to do it anyway. I’ll have to link the podcast whenever it’s available….

But I’m going to continue watching The Neverending Story now….

I know that everything will work out and be okay in the end, but I can’t help feeling extremely depressed in the moment. I’ll blog about it when I get “home.” Sometimes, all I want it a good cuddle.

My room is clean, laundry is done. I just need to pack up a few more things and leave. I don’t want to. I don’t want to go down there. I know it’s the best thing financially, but I hate living there. *sigh* I just hope I can make about $1100 more quickly. I don’t want to be there for very long. Now I’m getting anxiety about it :/

I’m nearly ready to leave…but I’ve been avoiding finishing up.

Anyway. There’s still the holiday sale going on, if you need any Christmas gifts or a treat for yourself HOLIDAY2012 at check out for 35% off…

Etsy

Thought I should mention, the sale ends tomorrow night at midnight =]

–

I’m finally at my mom’s. The whole way down here I kept getting more and more depressed the closer I got. :/ Feeling lonely and out of touch with my normal world. I don’t like it and I just want to go home. I wish there was someone to cheer me up..

Empathy. Yes, I have it. Yes, I am an empath. For those who don’t know, an empath is one who can feel the emotions of others (some of us can do this). We have an easier time sensing how someone is feeling. Sometimes body language and facial expressions can be interpreted, but sometimes, we just know. Before I knew what an empath was, I was sometimes really freaked out at how I knew how someone was feeling. Sometimes it feels like an invasion, on my part. Sometimes, people are really good at hiding their feelings, and they have a good shield that doesn’t let them out. I’ve never really looked into it much, but I think it has something to do with how different emotions emit different frequencies into the atmosphere, and an empath has the ability to pick up those frequencies and our brains interpret them. At least, that’s how it seems it should work.

What does this mean for me? Basically, I have a deep understanding of people’s emotions. Not only can I feel what they’re feeling, but if I know why they’re feeling that way, I can completely understand. Because, every emotion has a reason. I can understand those reasons. I can step into those shoes and imagine what it would be like, very easily. Having this ability can be…difficult, at times. Sometimes emotions are very strong, and depending on what it is, it’s hard for me to handle. Anger, for instance. Anger is very difficult for me to handle. I’ll be the first to tell you that, in the past, I’ve been prone to angry outbursts. I’ve learned how to deal with it, however. But when someone around me has an outburst of anger, I feel it very intensely. Those energy waves are heavy and dark. I get quiet and don’t interact with the person. After the outburst is over, I have a hard time balancing myself out, and it’s a while before I’m back to normal. I think part of the reason I used to have such anger issues is because I didn’t understand what I was doing when I was younger, and it was a long time before I realized I had to build a defensive shield to help deflect other peoples’ emotions from infiltrating my mind.

The reason I thought psychology was a good fit was because I have this understanding of emotions and situations. That maybe I can help people because of this ability I have. But the fear I have lately, is that I’m not sure I could handle it. Being a therapist, you’re around a lot of heightened emotion, most of which is negative and heavy. Would I be able to deflect all of it? Or would I absorb it, like I seem to do? When I was in therapy (yes, I would obviously have to work on my own problems first), I expressed this concern to my therapist, about having to see clients for 8-10 hours a day, and being able to stay balanced myself. She said you get training to be able to handle it. But, I honestly don’t know. *sigh* It’s interesting learning about everything, and I enjoy learning, but I really don’t know if I can do this. It’s hard for me as it is sometimes.

But the reason I’m blogging about this is because I’m having other troubles lately. I know that I’m understanding. I understand what’s happening in a situation (when I’m not involved, I can see both sides), and I can understand the feelings that go along with it. However, even if I can understand, does that mean I have to be okay with it? I struggle with this, a lot, and especially lately. I completely understand, but I’m having trouble being okay with it, and it makes me want to say things that I know I shouldn’t, and maybe that I don’t even mean. I don’t know where the line is. Is there a line? I don’t even know. All I know is, I understand, yet I don’t feel good about it. I suppose I feel better about it than I did initially, because I know that it’s necessary. I just don’t know.

Also, in the middle of writing this, I looked up an empath real quick, *after* I said that it has to do with frequencies in the air…and I was right. LINKY. So I know I should be cleaning and packing a few things..but I just have zero energy. I fell asleep on the couch a little bit ago. My eyes feel so tired..and it’s gritty tired, not just I-want-to-close-my-eyes-now tired. Just exhausted. But at least I got to the post office in time to mail the orders I’ve received from the holiday sale (still going on for 35% off).

Anyway. I hope everyone is well…at least better than I am at the moment….

I just listed a whole bunch of new candles!! I’ve spent all day working, and listing new candles just now…so I hope you enjoy, because I just activated the coupon code to save 35% on your order I also opened up my shop for international orders!! To receive the sale price, use coupon code HOLIDAY2012 at check out!

I will also accept cash, check, money order, Bitcoin, and dime cards as payment. If you’d like to use an alternative payment method, just let me know!

You start your holiday shopping HERE!!

UPDATE

It’s shop small Saturday! I was awoken three times by the chime of payment thru PayPal…that app is handy..but must it make noise? LOL!!

This is what’s sold out: Spring Rain fragrance is entirely sold out, as well as Asian Amber soap, Cotton Bouquet 4oz tin and French Vanilla 8oz tureen jar. Be sure to get what you want for gift giving before it’s gone! I promise you won’t be disappointed, as I’ve had nothing but positive and rave reviews so far. My mom called me last night to tell me that the Creamy Coconut Soy soap is amazing and she loves it…there’s only one left!

Just in case you’re looking to bypass some of the Black Friday madness of trampling stampedes and long lines, I have a solution for you

Honestly, I’ve never felt better about the work I’m doing. And I feel blessed to be a part of this wonderful community…the one of independent/individual business. Even though some of us make the same type of product, we still promote each other. There’s no reason for us to compete. There’s no feelings of animosity..only a warm, loving community. There’s no power plays here.

And though I feel like I’m always working, I love what I’m doing. I’m constantly thinking of new ideas, new ways to do things…I recently started researching how to make perfume/cologne. Are you aware it’s made with premium distilled vodka? I really had no idea, lol! Candles, lotion, soap, perfume…this is what I want to do with my life, create things. And, I still make jewelry on occasion. So anyway, now that I’m done blubbering about how much I love my business and working on it, here are some alternatives to the chaos of Black Friday shopping:

@LKJSlain. Man, do I really love her work. If I could, I would spend so much money in her shop. But, we just traded a couple things, and I can’t wait to get my order!! Though, they are for Christmas gifts…sigh. I so want them to myself! lol. But here are some of her things:

PLUS, she’s going to have a HUGE Black Friday sale, 40% off!!! I MIGHT have to pick something up… :O

You can visit her Etsy HERE.

And now, this girl…oh. I can’t even tell you how much I’m in love with her polishes. I‘m talking about @WhiskeyStilettos, of course. She‘ll probably have my address memorized at some point…I’m going to own ALL the polishes. She’s planning on having everything ready to sell by December 1st, and I know she’s working really hard to make it happen. Like me, she’s truly excited about what she’s doing, and dedicated to making it work. I have no doubt that she’s going to be a smashing success. How could you not with the colors and glitters she’s using? Plus I love the names!

I’ve gotta tell ya, Mermaid Blood is my absolute favorite so far. I can’t wait to have it in my possession and on my fingernails. You can favorite her Etsy shop HERE and her Facebook page HERE. She also has a website you can check out HERE.

Then there’s @Marica0701. I just traded with her as well, and her items will be in the mail tomorrow!! It’s quite a big trade, lol! But, more Christmas gifts, so yay I love her necklaces..I might have to buy more at some point! And, she may or may not be having a holiday sale..not sure yet =] But here are some of her pieces:

But for now, I think I’m going to take a nap, lol! Hope everyone has had a good holiday!!

It’s going to be a big one, so you might want to stay tuned. I will announce what exactly the sale is closer to the day…but be prepared!! Delicious smelling candles make a wonderful gift for most anyone A couple of lovely ladies have their packages on the way..I can’t wait until they get them!!

So I finished my paper, THANKFULLY. I almost thought I wasn’t going to make it into the drop box on time, but I got it submitted. If it’s not at least a B paper, I will be crushed. The night before last night I could NOT sleep..the worst anxiety I’ve had in a long time. Thankfully there was a friend who was up with me just talking, helping me keep my sanity. I don’t know how I would have managed without her..she says she’s not good at giving advice, but being a good listener helps too Then on two hours of poor sleep (because I was sick with the chills on top of it..woke up drenched in sweat..), I had to pick my youngest sister up, a half hour drive, to bring her to her doctor’s appointment…another hour and a half. I ALMOST DIED. I felt my eyelids getting really heavy so many times, and found myself drifting off onto the shoulder once or twice. I even had one of the huge cans of Monster! Then I had to wait in the waiting room for what felt like forever, and drive her back to my other sister’s apartment. I ended up spending the night there, because I felt too tired to drive home in the dark.

And now that I have Jesi’s order done and my paper done, I don’t know what to do with myself. I might start on the bracelet she wants too..but I don’t know. I’m thinking maybe just resting, watching TV or something on Netflix. Or Hulu. There should be a Hulu app thing on the PS3, like there is for Netflix and Amazon..and one for Xfinity. Oh, maybe I could play a video game…but I think I need to do my nails. What I’ll probably end up doing is surfing Xanga and Facebook. Maybe. *throws my hands up in the air* I’m kind of tired. So, you know what? I’m going to sit in bed and watch something on Netflix. Are you aware of how many spin offs there are of Star Trek?! Holy shit…those shows will take me years to watch all the episodes! I hope it gets better after the very first episode, though….I felt my attention wandering. But I’ll give it a chance, since there are so many fans who think it’s a great show….

I think that’s the name of a book, isn’t it? Anyhow, this is the start of my paper. The introduction. I know there are people that could write this better, but I think it’s pretty damn good…

The invention of the printing press truly revolutionized the world of books. The painstaking process of scribing slowly disappeared, and was replaced by a more mechanical method of making books. This was a much faster way to put books together, and it also enabled more people to get their hands on popular texts. All across Europe, this revolution of book-making created change, yet yielded continuity that was felt by all.These changes were exploited the most by the Church. The invention of the printing press allowed the Holy Roman Empire to continue holding power and spread the message of salvation faster than ever before. However, the printing press was also used by revolutionaries such as John Calvin and Martin Luther,forever changing the face of the Church and the Holy Roman Empire, creating a divergence of practicing faiths that is still felt worldwide today.

Oh yes, the good old trade system. It’s my goal to completely bypass shopping at corporations this holiday season. If you’re another agorist or creator of something or a small business owner and we have mutual interests in each other’s products as gifts or for ourselves, I am more than willing to trade with you. I’ve negotiated trades with a few people now, and it feels so much better than going out and buying these things, or just buying them in general. And don’t forget, I have more than just candles in my shop..I have some jewelry too, and one bar of soap left that’s listed. I should be listing more soon.

I will have to take pictures of the things that I’ve negotiated trades for, and I plan on doing a lot more business in the coming weeks…so let me know if you have anything to trade!

So if you’ll excuse me, I have to do some cleaning and packing. I’m temporarily moving to my mom’s until I can make enough money to get back on unemployment, as this is my last week. I’m only bringing the essentials with me…I don’t even know if I’ll bring my TV and PS3…because this is only VERY temporary. I do NOT want to live with a psychopath that chokes her child while drunk for very long. So, if you’d like to help, you can buy some candles from my shop!

Speaking of cleaning, I FINALLY managed to scrub away a hair dye stain in the bathroom, on the vanity, from dying my hair purple. I used two different kinds of scrubbers before buying those copper-y wire things, and used bleach over and over again on it…thankfully I was able to get rid of the stain. If I hadn’t, my dad would have killed me. Now I just have to get the stains out of the carpet in my bedroom -_-

And one last thing..a new listing..if you buy three 4oz tins, you can get them for $12, a savings of $3…. LINK.