February 11, 2013
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Okay, so I lied
But in my defense, it wasn’t a lie at the time.
On Saturday, a good friend from high school came up and visited, and we went to dinner. We ate at a Mexican restaurant, and the subject of weight came up, very briefly. I said that I’m fine the way that I am right now, and I just don’t want to get any bigger. At the time I said it, I believed what I said to be the truth. I did feel fine with how I look..or so I thought.
I have this new job that I’ve been at for a month now. For the last several weeks, it’s been “casual Friday” every day for the month of January and the first week of this month. This week we had to start wearing business casual again. Either way it went, if we had “casual Friday” every day for forever, or not, I would have had to buy new pants. I have three pairs of jeans, and one of them is almost garbage, since they are almost worn through in the thighs. And, I only have one pair of dress slacks that fits me okay (since I’m short, MOST pants are too long..I would have to buy my waist size in petite, and even then they are still too long, and I had these tailored a few years ago). So, I went after work today to buy some pants for work. First, I went to Salvation Army. I tried on about 15 pairs of pants. Understandably, I knew they wouldn’t all fit, and only 2 fit okay at the waist..but one of them were way too long, and the other one had wide legs..which make me look even fatter and shorter.
Since none of these pants fit, and there was nothing else I could try on, I left the store dejected. I even started crying on the way to Goodwill. I tried about 15 more pants on, and one of them fit okay..I’m not thrilled with the size of the leg..it’s wide, but not as wide as others I had tried on that fit okay in the waist, but were just too wide-legged. The other pair I bought didn’t fit in the waist, but they were my size in height, a rare feat. I bought them because they are only a size or two too small, and I decided as I was trying all these pants on that I am not happy with the way that I am. I don’t even look at my body in the mirror, ever. I did a few times as I was trying all these pants on, and I felt terrible. It’s so depressing, when you can’t find any pants to wear. Jeans would have been fine, if I had been shopping for those. But dress pants are a different cut, it seems, and they all seem to fit all wrong.
I started watching The Biggest Loser online tonight when I got home. I paused it so I could write this, because it’s on my mind. I get very emotional whenever I watch this show (I skipped last season..), because their stories touch me. And something dawned on me…if you have a problem with your weight, if you’re underweight or overweight, the reason is an emotional and mental one. Something is wrong inside, and it manifests itself on the outside. I’m not saying that this is correct all the time..but it seems like a lot of the time, that’s the case.
I haven’t even been trying to lose weight lately, because I thought I was okay with myself..I truly did. And, I’m not saying that I want to be stick thin, or even thin at all. I just want to be..less. I don’t even know what my goal is right now, but I feel like I have to do something. But, I also feel like I don’t have time. I don’t have the time to go to the gym for an hour every day and do the treadmill or whatever..and I don’t have the time to cook. I should be doing homework right now. But I’m not. I’m putting it off so I can blog about this and watch Biggest Loser. I know HOW to eat healthy, but cooking takes so much time. The preparation, cooking, and cleaning up afterwards can take up to an hour and a half, or more. I don’t have that kind of time. I’m at work or driving to and from work for 9.5-10 hours a day. I spend a lot of time researching for my business, or making candles, or networking, or marketing, to try and grow my business. It’s HARD, trying to market, and it takes a lot of time and effort. I also have school. I’m dropping out of one of my classes, because I just don’t have the time to do two classes, work, and try and grow my business like I want it to grow. Many times, I find that I don’t even go to bed until midnight, when I have to be up 6 hours later…and yes, even adults need a healthy 8-9 hours of sleep a night.
These days, I find myself eating once a day, maybe twice. Yesterday was the first time I ate twice in days. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I would rather eat fresh, organic food, non-GMO, healthy stuff. Instead, I had Culver’s for dinner, for the convenience, because I was meaning to come home and start working on candles. Now it’s too late for that, and it’s too late to go work out, because you shouldn’t work out 3 hours or less before you go to bed.
I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I know I need to stop eating processed foods and stop drinking soda. But I feel like I need the caffeine to keep me going, because I’m not getting enough sleep :/
Comments (30)
I dropped 13 pounds since January 6th and I only gave up Pepsi and sugar drinks. I just drink water and an occasional orange juice. For the most part, I have eaten the same.
If it really means that much to you, make it happen. I know it’s not as simple as three little words, but that’s just how it is unfortunately. I recently went to the doctor to find I weigh more than I have basically ever in my whole life, it is certainly making me reconsider how I approach eating in general.
The trick is to snack, don’t eat meals just eat small amounts throughout the day, and with each snack drink a glass of water. add lemon juice if you can to help reduce water weight.
I so hear ya… OMGOSH…
This is so totally me right now minus a few things.
We watched ALL of the biggest loser on netflix and I came away feeling really messed up actually, because I suddenly realized everything that you have to do to “be” thin, and the truth of the matter is that one of the reasons that those people on that show can do it is because they are no longer working, caring for families, etc… They have literally two/three months to JUST get thin. Nothing else.
I was also dejected because of the fact that I realized that I don’t sit around and eat crap like most of the people on that show, and yet I’m still very overweight. I was actually quite angry many times when we were watching that show because they usually show all the people all of the things that they “eat” towards the beginning of the show and usually I am sitting there gagging by all of the stuff those people eat. True, I eat a donut a few times a year. True, I eat ice cream once a month or so. True, I eat pizza once a week if it’s what’s for dinner. But mostly, I do not eat the food that these people do. I literally sit there gagging and shaking my head at what these people eat.
Today I had coffee, I had a small bit of noodles for lunch, I had apples and strawberries, I had a few handfuls of vanilla wafers for a snack (bad, I know, but it’s what there was and I was with my sister) and I had chicken soup with vegetables for dessert.
It doesn’t even come CLOSE to the types of things these people eat on a regular basis… ALSO I suffer from IBS which (as I’m trying to learn more and more how to eat for my condition) you find out it RESTRICTS a lot of the things that we think are “healthy” or “Good for you” if you don’t want to be sick all the time.
I told my mother that I believe that one of the reasons that I’m fat is that I have a mild bread addiction. Because BREAD is one of the things that doesn’t make me sick. So, I tend to eat bready things…
This is what I will say about cooking and time however. Prep is probably one of the WORST things on the planet to have to deal with. So one of the things you might want to start doing is buying your food and prepping it before hand. Like, if you buy a whole onion on shopping day, then take the time to chop it and put in into a bag then and there. BAM! Then when you’re cooking a pasta or something, you open the bag, toss some onion in, rezip it, use it the next day, etc. Same thing with carrots, and bell peppers, and everything else. It also makes snacking easier. We tend to reach for things that are easy when snacking so, it usually means chips, candy, etc…
As for soda, why not have some tea? Or maybe a little coffee in the morning instead of soda? I don’t even drink soda except for like once a week depending on situation.
anyways, I FEEL YOUR PAINNNN and I have a sister who is 5’7 and weighs about 105lbs and eats like a maniac when she can >_ > and they say it’s not genetic… YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH… well, based on experience I don’t believe that at all considering that we lived in the same house and ate the same food and I am fat and she is not.
And she’s NOT an exerciser.
I apologize for (as usual) writing a comment perhaps longer than the OP O_o
@TheTheologiansCafe - I know that sugar drinks are a huge problem, because they are SO bad for you, in every way..I’ve tried quitting, SO many times it’s ridiculous. I’ve even gotten to the point where, if I have a pop, I think it’s disgusting…but I always end up drinking it again anyway -_-
@None_May_Have_Her - I know..but to eat truly healthy, it takes a lot of time out of the day. I could eat 5 times a day instead of once or twice, but to to cook a couple meals a day? I don’t have that kind of time. There are small things I could do, like find some sort of alternative to soda…but tea? That’s disgusting :/ I have to add sugar to my tea, which defeats the purpose. I add sugar and cream to my coffee..because black coffee is far too bitter for my taste buds. I have some oranges and a grapefruit, which I can take to work for snacks..and I bought a mango because I’ve never had one before…
@Trueinnerbeauty@lovelyish - I know…I just don’t do these things :/
@LKJSlain - I KNOW…I get so grossed out when they show the kinds of things that they eat!! I hate greasy, nasty food..like fried chicken, that just tastes disgusting, all I can taste is grease :/ I don’t eat like that! I know the things I eat aren’t the healthiest, but it’s literally been years since I used to pig out and stuff my face with crap…but I’ve continued to gain weight, even after I stopped eating that way. I know there are some small things I can do..and maybe I’ll try them. I wish I had the time to cook…but I also haven’t been grocery shopping. It’s so expensive to buy healthy food :/
I heard the average person drinks 450 calories in drinks a day. So the average person will drop weight if they simply drink water instead. It is so hard the first day or two but then I got used to it.
@TheTheologiansCafe - I didn’t drop weight by not drinking soda. I actually have gained seventy pounds since.
I only have one soda a week on average. But, sometimes I have none. I only drink water, tea and coffee.
@LKJSlain - I would count tea and coffee as a sugar drink.
@TheTheologiansCafe - They are not sugar drinks if you are not putting sugar in them
Which I’m really not.
Also, I only drink about one cup of either a day. So, even if I added honey to tea or something, I would still be drinking about 6 cups less of soda than before.
Oh yeah, and I have no idea how in the world to market… you really have to teach me. I feel like I’m always falling behind everyone else with my small business.
@LKJSlain - What is your small business? What do you sell? You can answer that in a private message.
@TheTheologiansCafe - IT’s my jewelry business. ^_^
To eat completely organic would be very expensive, but meals don’t have to take up so much time. You can cook bigger meals and eat left overs. There are tons of little things you can do differently to support your decision is the only point I’m trying to make. So, good start, good job, I believe you can do it (just judging from your determination with your business).
Your life sounds like mine! It’s unfortunate, really. Good luck, dear.
Who told you that you can’t work out 3 hours prior to bed? Stop making excuses, you will only hate yourself more in the end. All I hear in your blog is “woe is me, my life sucks balls, and all I can do is cry.” It’s just so much negativity. Take control, be happy, or at least pretend to be, and good things will happen. Obviously, you haven’t had the easiest life, but this victim attitude is not going to help you in any way nor will it attract light and good. I’m guessing culver’s is a junk food joint. It’s fine, everyone eats junk. Don’t just complain about it and shovel more junk down your throat while preaching that you can’t work out 3hrs before bed. That’s the prime definition of a loser mentality. Watch Hungry For Change, I know that will kick start a total life change. I know my comments may sound mean, but coddling you will not do any good. You have made great strides; you found a job, you have your own small business, etc. Stop this circle of self pity and everything else will fall into place.
You can definitely do this, and I’m not saying that you do have the time or anything..not attacking you in anyway but you can say that you don’thave enough time but what happens when you get sick because you’re not making time for yourself?? School, your business, your work, they will all benefit from you getting a bit healthier and happier on the inside. This is an investment into yourself and your life just as much as all the other things that you are doing, None of those will be possible if you don’t look after yourself.
Okay, lecture over
good luck !
Give me a place to sleep and I will cook, clean and even help you make candles.
@jmlh - You don’t even know me, or what I’ve been through. As far as not working out just before bed, I’ve heard that from many sources, including trainers at the gym. You need to give your muscles time to relax after a work out, and it takes about 3 hours. Just like you’re not supposed to eat before bed because it won’t properly metabolize. I have a goal for my business, and right now it’s more important than anything else I’m doing. Everything else is secondary. I would like to get healthier, but if I can’t right now because I’m too busy, so be it.
@isitreal_no - I make time for myself when I need to. I recognize when the things I’m doing get to be too much, and I take some time out time. I was going to make some candles tonight, but I didn’t because I know I need to relax a little. I spent almost all weekend in the kitchen, or doing something for my business. I was making marketing materials, making and printing labels and cutting them out and sticking them on my candles. I also need to make banners for the radio show I’m going to be doing business with.
@RulerofMasons - Ha! wouldn’t that be great…but we already have 3 adults in a one bedroom, it’s cramped as hell. But I need a personal chef!!!
You have to eat more than once or twice a day. You especially have to eat breakfast. I know everyone always says this, but it is truly the most important part of your day and you need to make it your biggest meal.
As far as time goes, I would suggest preparing some of your meals over the weekends. There are a lot of things (wraps, salads in a jar, etc.) that you can make ahead of time.
One of my favorite things in my kitchen is my crock pot. If I know I’m going to have a long day, I put a few things in the crock pot, set it on low for 8 or so hours, and dinner is ready by the time I get home with very little preparation.
Try doing little work outs in your room if you don’t have time to go to a gym. There are so many videos on YouTube you can try. 30 minutes a day is only 2% of your day. Try to find the time!
And again, most importantly, eat! You have to eat to feel better and lose weight if that’s what you want to do.
I hope things get better.
Try tea for caffeine? I drink black tea. When I want something carbonated I drink soda water.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20673290 – the only myth with not exercising 3 hours before bedtime was due to the disruption to your sleep cycle, and the article disproves that. I highly doubt you will be working out super strenuously, so there’s no problem there. I made my comments from reading your blog entries. It is true, I do not know you. but if I were to meet you, and all you did was blather on with how nothing fits or how terrible things are, yet do nothing to solve it and make bullshit excuses for everything, I would keep far away from the negative energy oozing from your pores. Since you know so many trainers at the gym, why don’t you get some real exercise tips and not just excuses on why you shouldn’t exercise? It sucks when clothing doesn’t fit right, but it sucks even more having a pity party for yourself. You can have it all! A sick career, a healthy body, and whatever your heart desires. The only thing holding you back is yourself and self doubt.
P.S. Before you take any medical advice from trainers at the gym, talk to your doctor. I’ll bet you 100$ worth of candles that he would recommend any exercise at any given time rather than none at all because it was 3hrs prior your bedtime.
@crazy2love - but relaxation time isn’t the same as looking after yourself. While it’s good for you to relax take some time out, even when you’re meant to be doing other things, it’s not as good as making yourself healthier. I’m just saying, you’ve got to look to the future on this issue. Everyone has the same amount of hours in the day and there are people just as busy as you or more so that make time to be healthy. I’m not as busy as you, that’s not what I’m saying but just hop on google and do a search. It might motivate you when you see other people that have been through what you’re going through weight/health wise with just as much on their plates.
I just don’t like to see people so unhappy with their weight and I know how it feels to try on 30 pairs of pants and not feel good about any of them. You don’t deserve to feel like that.
I have a suggestion. Take one day during the weekend, and prepare meals for the week, and put them in dishes that you can put into the microwave, and then heat them up.
Studies show that eating only one time a day causes people to have problems with weight, they need 3 meals a day.
What you can do for Breakfast is eat oatmeal which is very healthy.
But you need to make time to put together things so you can have them during the week.
You really don”t need to go too the gym, just take a walk for a few blocks and go up a steep hill where you can get a work out. Hope you can find this useful and don’t get upset how you look, just work at it, and it will happen. And your still cute. Bro. Doc
In my opinion, its not really casual Friday unless you can wear sweat pants to work.
It sounds like you need to do some soul searching to figure out what your priorities in life are. Good luck.
I’m the last person to give advice, I’m in my own sinking ship for different reasons. But I wish you the best to move forward and find your way back to you.
One place I worked in the in 77 no one was allowed to wear pants and there never was a dress down Friday.
We did in fact have a dress code. I personally think there should still be one.
But remember you are just the way you are suppose too be, so don’t worry about what people think. If you like the way you are then cool Bro. Doc
It may seem hard to lose weight and it may seem like you don’t have any time, but you just need to take small steps.
Why watch Biggest Loser when you can run around the block? Just don’t drink any sugar drinks or eat any processed foods (including pastas and breads unless it’s a cheat meal). If you don’t have the time to cook, eat raw fruits and vegetables. Make overnight oatmeal! You’ll learn to love to eat healthy and the energy will naturally come back to you so you don’t need caffeine. If you do, there’s always green tea. You can totally work out 3 hours before bed. If you just want to do something not so strenuous (like cardio/weight lifting), do pilates. It strengthens your core and makes your muscles leaner. It really helps to have a buddy to work out with as well.
I also follow a bunch of Fitblrs (Tumblr weight loss/fitness blogs) to keep me motivated. It’s really fun!
IDK, these are just random tips…I hope you consider them.
The thing that you offer is worth our case and force.
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