August 31, 2010

• I Had to Poop

  So today, a coworker brought this dish to work….cow cheeks. Not even kidding. Apparently it’s this Mexican dish…it has a Mexican name, I can’t remember what it was. It looked look pulled beef. But knowing it what it was… ew. So Cody’s like, “If you fill the fork, I’ll give you $5.” (He’s not the one that brought it in…) So, I reached across the table, and stuck the fork in the beef, and held it up. I said, “You owe me $5.” He was all like NO! He tried to claim that I was supposed to eat a fork full. I was like, “nope, you didn’t say that. You just said to fill the fork.” Then I was like, “Ew, there’s FAT in there!” And I pointed to a big chunk of fat. Cody said, “No, that’s the tongue.” And the gross part, it LOOKED like a tongue!

  So Cody was like, “I’ll give you $5 if you eat that,” and pointed to the chunk of fat. I was like, “Seriously? Because you didn’t give me $5 for filling the fork.” He pulls out his wallet and lays the money on the table. So I pick up the chunk of fat with the fork and put it on my plate. I pick it up with my fingers and eat it, making faces and waving my arms in the air in front of my face. It was SO gross….but only because it was a chunk of fat. The meat itself wasn’t that bad. So I took the $5 and put it in my pocket. Then I was like, “It’s actually not that bad, I was just faking it to get $5.” Cody shook his head. I was like, “What’s wrong?” He goes, “I feel cheated.” I asked him how it felt. HA!

  Then when we got back to our desks from lunch, I tell him I think he owes me $5 more, and everyone agrees with me. He said, “You didn’t FILL the fork.” I was like Yes! I did! Then he makes a motion with his hand, indicating that I didn’t fill the HANDLE as well. WHAT?! I said, “That’s BULLSHIT. You win money from me ALL the time based on technicalities, and that’s a technicality!” He said, “Well, that’s too bad.” I was like, “Okay, the next time I ‘lose’ based on a technicality, I don’t really LOSE!”

  Right? What an asshat. I called him that today, and he asked me what an asshat was. He also told me to follow the yellow brick road. Yes, I’m short :/

  Anyways, I think it was the chunk of fat a couple hours later that gave my stomach problems. I had to poop. And I was driving, clenching the steering wheel in a kung fu death grip because I was dying. Then there was slow people on the freeway, o.m.g. So I got pissed. Every passing mile couldn’t come fast enough, and every jar in the road was agony. It sucks, because it takes about 20 minutes or so for me to get home, and I REALLY had to poop. I would have told the cop that too if I had gotten pulled over for speeding. I would have told him that my ass is about to explode and I really need to get home. Not even kidding.

  Good thing I didn’t get pulled over.

  • 8:56 pm
  • 19 Comments