So today, a coworker brought this dish to work....cow cheeks. Not even kidding. Apparently it's this Mexican dish...it has a Mexican name, I can't remember what it was. It looked look pulled beef. But knowing it what it was... ew. So Cody's like, "If you fill the fork, I'll give you $5." (He's not the one that brought it in...) So, I reached across the table, and stuck the fork in the beef, and held it up. I said, "You owe me $5." He was all like NO! He tried to claim that I was supposed to eat a fork full. I was like, "nope, you didn't say that. You just said to fill the fork." Then I was like, "Ew, there's FAT in there!" And I pointed to a big chunk of fat. Cody said, "No, that's the tongue." And the gross part, it LOOKED like a tongue!

So Cody was like, "I'll give you $5 if you eat that," and pointed to the chunk of fat. I was like, "Seriously? Because you didn't give me $5 for filling the fork." He pulls out his wallet and lays the money on the table. So I pick up the chunk of fat with the fork and put it on my plate. I pick it up with my fingers and eat it, making faces and waving my arms in the air in front of my face. It was SO gross....but only because it was a chunk of fat. The meat itself wasn't that bad. So I took the $5 and put it in my pocket. Then I was like, "It's actually not that bad, I was just faking it to get $5." Cody shook his head. I was like, "What's wrong?" He goes, "I feel cheated." I asked him how it felt. HA!

Then when we got back to our desks from lunch, I tell him I think he owes me $5 more, and everyone agrees with me. He said, "You didn't FILL the fork." I was like Yes! I did! Then he makes a motion with his hand, indicating that I didn't fill the HANDLE as well. WHAT?! I said, "That's BULLSHIT. You win money from me ALL the time based on technicalities, and that's a technicality!" He said, "Well, that's too bad." I was like, "Okay, the next time I 'lose' based on a technicality, I don't really LOSE!"

Right? What an asshat. I called him that today, and he asked me what an asshat was. He also told me to follow the yellow brick road. Yes, I'm short :/

Anyways, I think it was the chunk of fat a couple hours later that gave my stomach problems. I had to poop. And I was driving, clenching the steering wheel in a kung fu death grip because I was dying. Then there was slow people on the freeway, o.m.g. So I got pissed. Every passing mile couldn't come fast enough, and every jar in the road was agony. It sucks, because it takes about 20 minutes or so for me to get home, and I REALLY had to poop. I would have told the cop that too if I had gotten pulled over for speeding. I would have told him that my ass is about to explode and I really need to get home. Not even kidding.

Good thing I didn't get pulled over.

So last night I wrote a post about a coworker who had lost his job then killed himself.

I got into work this morning and the tone was very somber. We have a group meeting in the morning with all employees, then we break off into our little groups and have a group meeting. Our supervisor said that Ronnie had passed in the all employee meeting.

At the end of our little group meeting, we had a moment of silence, and everyone was very sad. All morning long, none of us barely spoke unless it was work related. We were all upset. Bruce got in an hour late to work, and he was very pissed. He drove his forklift like a mad man. He was pissed at the company. HR came and talked to him, and he seemed calmer after that.

Then it was about 9 in the morning and our supervisor got a phone call. "Are you fucking kidding me?! Are you fucking serious?" He said that to the other person about 20 times. We were standing there listening to him, wondering what was going on. Cody said the only reason he would react that way was if Ronnie was still alive.

Well, it turns out that Cody was right. At about 7:30, Ronnie had walked into the temp agency and asked for work. The emotions following were a lot of "that's fucked up," and "you're kidding!" Nope, we're not kidding. We felt betrayed, and pissed. Bruce didn't know that Ronnie was still alive. This morning, he seemed too upset to have lied like that. Then he was pissed when he learned that Ronnie wasn't dead.

At this point, Ronnie hadn't answered any phone calls or text messages. Then around lunch, he texted Bruce and asked him why everyone thought he was dead. Apparently, Ronnie's brother had found him in his room unresponsive and called Bruce telling him that he was dead. Well, Ronnie was unresponsive because he had drank too much and totally passed out.

We still think there's something weird about it, because wouldn't the brother have called 911? Then when Ronnie awoke, he should have called Bruce and told him that he was okay. But no. And those of us who knew last night, couldn't sleep. None of us fell asleep before midnight, and we kept waking up in the middle of the night. We were all very sad.

We aren't sure what truly happened, and I'm glad he's not dead. But still, it's very fucked up.

Suicide is NOTHING to joke about.

I've never known someone who's killed themself. Until today.

There was this really sweet, nice guy that worked where I work. He was a forklift driver, unloading trucks. He's had a really shitty life. He's had 3 family members die in the last 6 months. The only thing he had was his job, and his friends at work. His name was Ronnie.

Friday we had an employee appreciation BBQ, with prizes. During that BBQ, Ronnie got a phone call from the temp service. His services were no longer needed at our company. After the BBQ, we all went to the bar. Well, some of us. Ronnie and his best friend, Bruce, went, and a few other people. Ronnie looked really depressed, and in the short time I was there, he drank a lot.

Then I went down to spend time with my sisters. At about 8:30, I got a phone call from Bruce and Ronnie. They wanted me to come and get drunk with them. I told them I couldn't, I was spending time with my sisters. I suggested next weekend we all get together. They said okay, and we hung up.

A little bit ago, I got a text from Bruce, saying that Ronnie is dead. I called Bruce, and he told me that he got a phone call from Ronnie's brother. I don't know how he did it. I didn't ask. I'm in shock. I feel sadness somewhere, but it's distant. I don't know what to think. I wish I would have gone and drank with them. I never knew when I said goodbye to Ronnie at the bar Friday, it would be the last goodbye.

When you think you have one more day, you could be wrong.

No, I can't sleep.

I texted Cody and told him. At first, he thought I was joking. He called Bruce to confirm. Cody texted me and said he would talk to me tomorrow, thanked me for telling him.

I once read a blog post on Xanga about social networking sites, and the history of them. They started with Myspace. Really? Ha, I laughed.

I don't know the entire history of social networking sites, but I know it started long before Myspace. And if you're going to call it a history of social networking sites, you better do your homework. For me, I'm just going to blog about what I know.

It all started when I was in about 8th or 9th grade. iTurf. BEST website ever. In my humble opinion. I was terribly saddened when it went under. I actually met my first online boyfriend on that site. It was the old style, where you had a profile, but you could also make your own website. Like the old style backgrounds and GIFS. It was back when having your own website was the thing to do.

Then there was Bolt. I LOVED the idea of that website. You could earn badges for certain things like winning contests, how often you logged in, it was pretty sweet. I met another guy there, but we were just friends.

Then there was kiwibox. I loved that site too. The last I knew, it was still running, but that was a while ago. You can play games there, and they had articles about pop culture. They added a blog and for some time, I wrote there. I wrote about my life, and I also wrote stories. I just went there, and it still exists! It looks way different, but I no longer exist there =[

I didn't discover xanga until 2003. I came here. You guys know the rest. Or, you should, anyway

I then discovered Vampire Freaks. I still go there sometimes. It's like myspace or facebook for the "dark side." Good times good times.

Then there was Myspace. Which is pretty much dead. I haven't logged in there in over a year. YES, let's play Mobsters for hours and hours at a time. And Myspace blogging.... PLEASE. What a joke.

Facebook. Oh yay. Farmville, Mafia Wars.... family drama.

Twitter. Tumblr. WordPress. DeviantArt. Formspring.

I Facebook stalk a Xangan friend and follow his Twitter and creep his WordPress.

I Facebook stalk a Xangan friend and follow her Twitter (a couple of people I do this to).

I Facebook stalk a Xangan friend and text her cell phone.

You think we have too many social networks and ways to get in touch with people?

Facebook

WordPress

Twitter

Vampire Freaks

DeviantArt

Well, that's all I've got. Did I forget anything? Oh yeah, my Xanga!!!

Xanga

Ha, and you thought I was going to give you my cell number. Psh.

Hungry Eyes- Eric Carmen

LOVE this song.

I have an entire playlist in my iTunes for love songs. Here's a few songs from that playlist.

So the other night my sister Rachel went to my mom's. My mom got drunk and started being crazy. Again.

So my step dad told Rachel to take Taylor to a hotel for the rest of the night. Well, Rachel isn't 21 yet. But anyway, I guess previous to this, my step dad and sisters sat down and wrote out a contract, if something happens, Rachel can have custody of Taylor and he will financially provide for her. Anyway. Yesterday my sisters went to social services and explained the situation. They said that they will have a meeting and provide counseling or whatever. Yeah, like that's going to do anything.

And now my step dad is saying things like, they're a family and they stick together, and my mom just had a little set back. Ha! Yeah, a set back that's lasted like 10 years. What's the difference between a set back and no hope for change? My mom lied to her boss's son, and claimed that Rachel tried to say that our step dad tried to rape her. WHAT?! And now my mom and step dad are saying that Rachel's lying about the abuse and there's nothing wrong.

I do not want my sister to live there another three years, but I don't know what to do. I can't take her.... there's no room in my house and I can't afford it. Taylor has no where to go, but she CAN'T live with my mother for three more years. It will destroy her, like it almost destroyed me, and like it destroyed Rachel. I don't know what to say to her. I don't know how I can help her.

I just don't know.

So, yes BigShow is leaving. *SADFACE*

He has a fear of clowns.

Buuut, not ALL clowns are evil, ARE they?!

I am going to miss the half face man. Because now, if I use MY half face, I will be alone in half faceness. Sad days.

So this is kind of a long story.

When I went to live with my mom in 10th grade, I lived with 2 of my sisters, Taylor and Rachel. Rachel and I became very close during that time, because we were closed in age. Two years later, there was some drama with my mom and the cops and us, and Rachel moved to her dad's. I felt like my life got torn away from me. I was left to deal with my mother and her shit alone, and take care of my youngest sister. It's never been the same since between us. We get along, but we aren't as close. We don't talk as much, and rarely see each other.

When Rachel was in high school, she dated a boy who accidently killed someone. Rachel and this boy were in love. The boy went to juvie, and at first they tried to stay together. But Rachel found herself straying, and they broke up. She had a hard time with it. Last year, she started dating her best friend's brother. They live together now, and they're in love. She wants to marry him.

Anyway. I just talked to my mom, and she told me that Rachel was over, and I found that strange because Rachel really dislikes our mother. Mom made me promise that I can't tell Rachel what she was about to tell me. I promised.

My mom told me that the boy Rachel dated in high school got out of juvie not that long ago and that he's living near where my mom works. My mom said that he's really cleaned up. He no longer has his hair long, no lip piercing, no baggy pants. He has a manager position at a restaurant, he's going to college, and he found God. Rachel has fallen back in love with him, but still in love with her current boyfriend, so she has a crisis. She's not cheating on her boyfriend, but she's spending time with her old one, and she doesn't know what to do.

I feel sad because my sister hasn't told me any of this. We used to be so close, and now she doesn't talk to me about things like this. I'm her older sister, she should tell me these things. I almost started crying on the phone with my mom, because I almost felt betrayed. My sister tells my mom all this, someone she practically despises but she doesn't tell her sister. We used to be SO close. I just feel very sad.

I'm not going to tell her I know what's going on, but yeah. I feel kind of selfish, because she's going through this big thing, and here I am feeling sad because she didn't tell me about it. Is that selfish? I don't know.

What does a Yield sign on the road mean, you may ask? In case you didn't know, it means that you do not have the right of way. Yes, that means that you should wait for the people that do have the right of way. You know why? Because you pretty much have no chance of being able to go as fast as the people who have the right of way before you get to the merging point. Now that you know, I hope that you never try and get in my way again.

Also, I was kind of a bitch today and I apologized to Cody. Granted, they kept egging me on...but still. I had no right to behave the way I did. Anyway, he said, "You don't ever have to apologize to me." What?? If I'm bitchy, I'll apologize. Why wouldn't I have to apologize to him? Oh, and some other stuff.

There's a lot of "what does that mean"s running around.

Good evening Xanga. I wanted to blog about this before it left my mind.

I just watched The Last Song, and spent the last half of the movie with a giant lump in my throat, and crying.

I watch sad movies like this, and sometimes I think about my dad dying. I couldn't even imagine. I think I would be lost without my dad. I've lived with him most of my life.

When I was 10 and 11, my dad and I lived kind of close to the Mall of America. Every other weekend I went to my mom's. Every weekend I was with my father, we would get on the bus (he didn't have a car at the time) and go to MOA. We would go to the Barnes and Noble. He would always let me get a book. I would spend a lot of time, just looking at my choices. I always walked away with The Baby-Sitters Club, Sweet Valley High, an R.L. Stine book. On the way home on the bus, I would start the adventure the book offered. It was just us, for 2 years.

We haven't always gotten along. I've said some very hurtful things to him in anger. But I love him. He's one of the very few people in this world that I love. He's had some health problems in recent years, and it only makes me realize that he won't be here forever. He's only 46, but I fear him dying too young. I don't think I would ever be ready for his death.

I don't know why I think about these things. Maybe it's because I fear being alone, even though I isolate myself.

I don't know.