July 30, 2010
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Couldn’t Feel
Bloodless Corpse
She sat at the table, in the dark. A glass of water and a bottle of pills sat in front of her as she contemplated the bright lights of the city. How easy it was to be lost in such a place. How easily forgotten. There were no more tears in her eyes.
Her body was marred by scars. Thin, neat lines. The vicodin in front of her taunted her. ‘You can’t do it,’ it said to her. She slowly reached towards the bottle and dumped them out. They clicked on the table, some falling to the floor. The darkness made the scene before her surreal. She grabbed a handful and tilted her head back. Dumped them into her gaping mouth. Swallow. Swallow. Water. With a shaky hand she put the now empty glass back down. The thud seemed too loud, ringing in her ears.
A moment of panic.
She raced to the bathroom, hovered over cold porcelain. She cried now. Heaving sobs that wracked her body. A scream was forming in her racing mind. The lights reflecting on the white were too bright. She felt blinded. She knew no one would know she was gone, lost in a city so big. She was forgotten. The thoughts wrapped themselves around her brain, finding it home.
She picked up the blade and shut the lights off. She waited while her eyes adjusted to the dark then stumbled to the living room. Once again at the table with the pills. She didn’t clean them up. Why bother?
She placed the sweet steel against her skin and ripped it across. With the pills kicking in she couldn’t feel. Couldn’t feel. Deeper and deeper. Couldn’t feel.
She could see the blood shining in the darkness everywhere.
She felt so lightheaded. She looked down and saw she had cut her vein from her wrist to her elbow. On a level, she knew she was dying. The lights swirled now. Swirled and she couldn’t feel. She welcomed it.
“Death,” she whispered. “I am not afraid of you. Take me from this mortal suffering.” She wanted to close her eyes. She felt so sleepy. But she knew she had to stare death in the face. Anything less was cowardice. She was still bleeding. The lights were swirling. She couldn’t feel. Couldn’t feel.
The swirling lights faded.
She couldn’t feel.
Couldn’t feel.
Comments (23)
powerful
I’m really loving the morbid feel on xanga today.
Love this type of stuff…love to write it as well.
Fantastic job.
I wish I could rec’ this a thousand times!
wonderful post
Wow.
this is something i haven’t really seen from you, i like it.
Wow.
@Paul_Partisan - Thanks Paul. I really appreciate that.
@ourblasphemousrumors - Thanks =]
@betterdesigned - Awww thanks
@buddy71 - Thank you =]
@mtngirlsouth - I’m not sure what that “wow” means, lol! Wow good, or wow bad?
Dang, that was so powerful that I shivered when she started the cutting o_o You have amazing writing skills
@crazy2love - Wow, REALLY REALLY good! Chilling, like SK (one of my fav. authors)!
Very well written.
wow..you left me speechless
@godfatherofgreenbay - I hope that’s a good thing…. ?
@com_pose - Aww thanks =]
@mtngirlsouth - Wow, thank you, that is high praise indeed!
@Shavanna - Thank you so much! =]
It’s a very good thing
@godfatherofgreenbay - Awww thanks =]
…… that’s all i can say……………..
Wow, is all I could say…Very powerful usage of contexts.
Deep, dark and disturbing – still, I am awed.
awesome!!
very good read.
Hauntingly sad.
Its sad and a bit tragic, but the words were used well.
*thumb up*
not bad, got some cliche in there, but not bad.