January 3, 2010

• Embarrassing Friends [99]

  I messed up on my countdown to my 1,000th post…oh well.

  Anyway, I’m pretty sure everyone has one of those embarrassing friends, right?

  Well, I have this friend from high school, let’s call him B. He’s one of those guys with a raunchy sense of humor and isn’t afraid to just blurt shit out. Every year for the last couple years, a group of us get together for a holiday lunch at Applebee’s. The first year, we sat there for 3 hours, and the waiters ended up ignoring us because we were just sitting there after we were done eating.

  So anyway, there was 8 of us that went out to lunch today, and everytime B gets a chance, he loves to tell everyone I’m a dyke. Then he says “vagina” repeatedly. Then he moves on to saying cock, penis, balls, and literally any variation and combination of these words. He waves a knife around (it’s scarier when he’s drunk, lmao) when he’s talking. So I had to endure this while I was eating. This is just the way he is. I often ask his wife, one of my best friends, how she puts up with him all the time.

  So, our waitress was really hot. One of my friends ordered a cherry coke, and she got like 4 or 5 cherries! I was like “aww you got cherries!” The waitress said “If you’re good I’ll get you a whole bowl of cherries,” and winked at me! So when she left the table, B said to me, “she wants you to pop her lesbian cherry.” OMG B. Then she kept calling me hun and sweetie, and every chance she got, she reached across me. Then when I said I would like desert, she perked up and made this face, very hard to explain, but it was like her face lit up.

  Soooo we get our checks and everything, and B decides to write my name and number on the one she gets back. I was morified! I have never ever left a waitress my number, but omg. How embarrassing if she calls or something

  So anyway, that’s where I was all day. After we left Applebee’s, we went back to B and his wife’s house and played some games, and I just got home a little bit ago. I’m super tired, so I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow =]

  • 3:42 am
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