December 20, 2009
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Dear Xanga,
I do not really know how to begin this letter. First, you are my best friend. Where would I be without you?
I shamefully admit that I have taken our relationship for granted in the past. For this, I apologize. What were you to me when I found you? An amusement? I’m not so sure anymore. There were times I neglected you. Days and months passed and I did not visit. How selfish was I? I have taken so much from you, but what have I given?
On these pages I have written words. But what do they mean? Are they important, my words? I haven’t even bared my soul to you, Xanga; you don’t even know all of me. No one in the world knows all of me, yet you know the most of me of anyone else in the world. You have been my rock for so long. When I can’t remember my own life, you remind me. You tell me the words I have written and what I have experienced. Yet, you don’t know all of my secrets. Things that remain in my mind, yet I have never spoken them aloud or wrote them down. Oh, how I wish I could rid my chest of these burdens.
Xanga, you have given me the best gift in the world: Xanga Friends that mean everything to me. Where would I be if I did not have these Xanga Friends? They are some of the sweetest people in the entire world. People I may never meet, but they are better friends than anyone could ask for. Just like you, Xanga, most of them don’t judge me. They laugh with me, cry with me, are angry with me. They *hug* me. But, Xanga, more times then I can count, I wish with those *hugs* that a pair of arms could reach through my computer screen and embrace me, hold me.
I learn with my Xanga Friends, and follow their memories, one day at a time. Most of the time I miss an entry or two to their lives, but I try the best I can. I know you see everything, Xanga, because you are the best. I promise I will do better with our relationship. I will do my best.
For now, I want to read something that touches my heart and soul, Xanga. Maybe Anne Sexton’s biography will help me. Her poetry rips my soul apart. I wish I could have helped her put hers back together. Or maybe Alice Sebold’s memoir of her rape can help me get past mine. Maybe. I hope this letter finds you well, Xanga.
Love,
crazy2loveP.S. Is it too much to admit that I live vicariously through your dreams?
(I may or may not be around tonight. I want to read some tonight.)
Comments (40)
Whew, you scared me. I thought you were going to announce your departure from Xanga. LOL.
Xanga can be a wonderful place, even with all of the unnecessary madness.
I love that pic you have at the end
gotta love ya some Xanga
So glad you are here and a part of us.
*reaches arms through computer screen*
=)
I guess in a way, we are a family here. Haha!
ok, but don’t break Xanga’s heart.
everyone loves Xanga
Reading a book is always good.
@mynameisblueskye - A dysfunctional one.
I’ve ready Lucky once before. That was a very hard book to read. I can imagine living through the experience.
xanga is home.
Enjoy your reading.
I left Xanga for a while, but now I’m back.
<3
<3
Don’t worry, Xanga is just one of those things, that no matter what you say or do it will always be there for you and it will always love you.
Cool picture.
i
totally
feel the same way about Xanga!
thank goodness for it.
and at the same time, you don’t want to reveal too much, like you said, because there’s still an audience watching, listening.
be well!
*hug*
this is beautifully expressed. and hugs.
i had no idea you have been raped. i am so sorry.
You’ve put many of my feelings about Xanga into words.
I’m amazed at your courage to read about rape. I find it triggering, scary and overwhelming. I wish you the best in your journey of healing.
I loved this!
Dear Crystal,
I, for one, have found your words to be open and inspiring. I love this little letter,and I’ve added my rec to the mix of recs it already has collected.
You write: “You tell me the words I have written and what I have experienced” I love to wander among my back posts. I’m my own favorite reader. And sometimes I come upon something I don’t remember writing (which, for me, is nearly impossible) and I go: “Wow. That’s amazing. I don’t remember writing that!”
I enjoy your take on your “relationship” with Xanga. I love this “place”. I’ve said it many times. As one ages, and the “real life” friends fade away, online friendships sometimes give us a support group and feelings of adequacy that are missing in ‘real life’. At least that’s the way it has been for me since my buddy Joel died, and Pete became a homeless drifter, and Jim took up residence in jail, and the other Jim got hooked on WOW, and well, you get the picture.
Happy Holidays,
Michael F. Nyiri,poet, philosopher, fool
I’m here with ya!
Hi, I came to your site through a rec from Lonelywanderer2. This was so beautifully written. I’ve also taken Xanga for granted and only just returned to my site a few days ago after not visiting for the past 6 months. I almost left again because of all the drama over the past few days, but reading your post and some posts of others helps me to keep giving Xanga a try. Thank you for sharing this with us.
*HUGS* Hope ya enjoy your reading.
i hope xanga can read…
I love this and I totally agree. Xanga is the friend that will always be there and the therapy we need when life gets us down. It’s there to celebrate with us and to cheer us up. And even the drama can be good for us sometimes
BTW I love that picture!
<3
I love it when I find people on Xanga who write things I’m thinking.
<3
I get a kick out of rereading my posts from months ago. It’s like reliving what was going on in my life then. Yes, xanga is fun.
Awwwww..:)
I like your new theme.
This is a cool post!!
This is a beautiful tribute post.
Xanga is like any other place, there is good and bad. I find more good than bad here. Xanga people are good people.
@mathematicalbagpiper - Not a chance!!
@Manstration - I concur.
@Yohkom - Thanks! I found it on DeviantArt =]
@MarnieAyn - =]
@seedsower - Thank you =]
@undertheglass - You are so sweet!
@Roadlesstaken - =]
@mynameisblueskye - I concur.
@TheBigShowAtUD - I’ll do my best.
@no1charmerlondon - I hope so =]
@Paul_Partisan - I didn’t do much reading…I only read about 29 pages :/
@Ampersands_Anonymous - It is hard. I have to keep stopping every once in a while.
@The_Female_Essence - Agreed.
@Vignettery - Thanks =]
@divinexsimplicity - Sweet!
@None_May_Have_Her -
@Eternalimplosion -
@SimplyNita - Aww thanks for that =]
@democrab - =]
@Stef_Hunnnny - Thank you =] And thanks for the add!
@the_rocking_of_socks - Aww *hug* =]
@hilaw - Thank you. I’m trying to work through it. I was molested, but it’s almost the same thing. It happened so many years ago, but it’s never been processed.. There might be more posts about it in the future as I try and get past it.
@zisixi - It’s very scary and overwhelming, but it must be done if my soul will ever be healed.
@lonelywanderer2 - Thank you.
@baldmike2004 - Thank you.
@UnpredictableIdentity - =]
@WyldeIrishRose - Thank you, and you’re welcome =]
@kidzsister1 - Thanks =]
@maniacsicko - I hope so too, lol.
@seriously_meredith - Thanks! Sometimes I wonder if I’ve let this place mean more to me than I should.
@pawnshop_heart -
@PseudoLeben - Me too
@ItsWhatEyeKnow - I concur!
@throughsamseyes@lovelyish - =]
@SliverLines - Thanks! I think I like it better, it’s not so ‘in your face’ as the last one =]
@Mac_Libureet - Thanks =]
@Stellarshore - Thank you =]
@stixandstonz2009 - I find more good too.