Like dikdoktor, I am a guy, and I am older than you and have been around the block many times, and I would certainly be happy to offer you my fair share of Polonius like misguided advice if you want it.

For one thing look at some positive things about yourself.  You’re not in an abusive relationship.  You don’t have any children (you’re not a single parent mother), unlike a lot of young women your age. 

I think that you work and earn a steady paycheck and that when you were in school you passed your classes and would do so again if you went back to school.  I think that you get results.

Being bisexual and being maybe even 85% lesbian on the Kinsey scale (playground scales are probably much more fun than Kinsey scales) doesn’t seem to stop a lot of other women in your age bracket whose Xangas I’ve been reading over the last few years, from becoming single parent mothers with either dysfunctional relationships or no relationships with the children’s fathers….or extended families.  They like other women but don’t meet very many real lesbians because they live in a small town; and when they’ve hooked up with men, they haven’t used any method of birth control, just beer goggles.

And the world has too many people already.  Waiting a few years to have a baby is a wise idea.

I thought that your poem about the rose bush was interesting in another way when I thought about it because the roses were black and the thorns pierced the vein, I thought poppies would be more appropriate flowers for a drug house since the people wore white but then they were stained with blood.  It seems to me that I read somewhere that poppies are harvested and they make opium from them.

I think that you want to get away from drug houses and drug people, and unsafe people.  I think that if you did have kids someday you would not want your kids to be exposed to unsafe people.  Among the trust issues that you have, I guess maybe are trust issues with your mom.  This I definately can understand.

I think that you don’t have a lot of time to pamper other people’s issues and childish drama and baggage, and that you need to be in a relationship with somebody who has a proven track record as an adult, or you’re not going to be in a relationship at all.  You’re self-sufficient and being alone is all right with you and you’re not in a contest to see who has the most friends.  I’ve met people who are in a contest to see who has the most friends (I mean in the real world, not Xanga friends) and some of them are immediate relatives of mine, and if you think that is bullshit you are right!

I also do not see you as the girl who needs to have her boobs grabbed.  I don’t see you that way at all.  In fact, I see you as the girl who needs to give warm, loving bare-bottom over the knee spankings, sit on her partner’s face, sit on her throne as he kneels at her feet and spitshines her Doc Martens, etc.  I could definately see you as being the strong dominant woman in a relationship with a person who has male genitalia but who enjoys dressing in women’s clothing, exfoliating, wearing lipstick and rouge, bending over to your satisfaction and being called “nasty girl” and other feminizing names in the bedroom.

I’m really insecure about my body too. My SO will grab my boob and I’ll say “You like all that padding?” so I always wear a shirt. Always. I think if he just said, “hey, I like your bewbs even tho they’re itty bitty and not that bigger than mine. I LIKE THEM!” then I wuold swoon and be naked ALL the time. ;D
haha

I could never have a one night stand. I’d think I was a slut & I’d be terrified of STD’s. Plus I don’t think it would turn me on enough unless he was like Jake Gyllenhaal. hahaha

I can’t remember for sure, didn’t you say you were a lesbian?  If so, here’s something to try : Pink Cupid.  You can meet a ton of ppl more interesting in something more than a O.N.S and lots of sweet women. If I remember wrong, then try one of the stright sights.  It’s fun to start talking to these people and writing long letters (emails and stuff) although, of course, I can’t promise anything re: authenticity. But then that happens in rL too.

@crazy2love - That is quite possible.  I seem like I would be dominant.  And, I’m married with children.

But many of my fantasies are quite submissive actually, and involve people who are transgendered.

My view of YOU, Crystal, as being dominant, is basically a projection, especially since I don’t know you offline.  But if I worked with you (especially if I worked UNDER you) in your warehouse I’d probably still think of you as being the top in your private life.

One time I was in an S&M dungeon on a Saturday night in New York (my wife chooses not to accompany me to such places and is not interested in hearing about it or being nagged to go there…. couples need to know how to give each other space sometimes I guess) anyway, I saw a female same sex couple in which restraint play and flogging was going on, I watched for a few minutes but did not try to introduce myself or talk to the wymyn.  But it definately was noticeable that the top was dressed as more of a high femme than the bottom.  The top had long flaming wavy red hair and expensive looking London tan or oxblood high heeled boots with gray knee socks and riding breeches.  The bottom was a brunette and while she wasn’t butch, she was more drably dressed than her mistress with old blue chinos and Doc Marten type plain looking shoes but she was the one tied up in the framework and standing and being flogged (I believe that she had more than one orgasm in her chinos) and her auburn haired mistress kept her with her hands tied behind her back after the session ended for a few minutes, she had to help wheel mistress’s suitcase into the ladies’ room of the club with her hands tied behind her back…later they were back in the lounge and the slave was on her knees before mistress with mistress cradling her head in her lap…I was obviously checking them out from the corner of my eye and mistress knew that I was around but did not encourage me to make a pest of myself and I behaved…but obviously I would have loved to help take mistress’s oxblood boots and grey wool knee socks off and help slavegirl lick those long sexy (probably about size 8-1/2N) feet and lick the sweat and lint off of them…ohhh shit…I’m writing this in my office and we’re open on Saturday morning but now it’s after 12pm and the office is now closed….

except of course for one other nerdy white male lawyer (with a combover and yellow fever, big time, yellow fever plus Vatican roulette definately fills the ranks of them parochial schools in the suburbs as you can imagine)…and I wrote about him in my post…”The Dodderer”…I do not want him to catch me wanking….

even though it is Saturday afternoon…and I definately caught him going at it one Saturday afternoon when he thought he was alone…and I think he was looking at a model with plaid pants in a Strawberry catalogue with plaid pants going laaaaaa…..he saw me opening the door to the waiting room…he was in a little mini office that had only a typewriter and I see him sitting at a desk reading this catalogue and then he perceives me and then there is like this HHRRRUPBRUPPPP and suddenly I realize he’s PULLING HIS PANTS UP AND I SEE THIS FLASH OF HAIRY LEG!!!!!!!  You know how some guys have frontal balding but lots of other body hair, such as on their knuckles…and also, breath with odors of rotten tunafish, and uncut fingernails….hire the dodderer, he’s great for business!!!!!!! 

Since my ex (andy) and I parted ways.. I did have trust isses. My current ex has sort of tore down some walls. I still have a ways to go.

^_^