September 28, 2009
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Doors
It’s a beginning…what do you think?
The leaves whispered to her. The animals told her their secrets. She always listened intently with her head cocked to the side. She heard the chirping of the many birds, the chattering of the chipmunks, the soft footfalls of deer. She felt at home here. At peace. That would never change. The bits of blue sky that could be seen in between the leaves told of treasures waiting to be found in the forest.
The rays of sunshine led the way. If there was no sunshine, it would be impossible for Akira to find the doorways. She had never gone through one, for she might never find her way back. The doorways to the other worlds held possibilities of adventures. They were dangerous, and for that very reason she found them intoxicating. She danced around the danger. She only observed what came in and out of those doorways, never engaging.
The doorways held a longing. Sometimes when she found one, she was so tempted to walk through one, into another world. At those times, she felt like she didn’t belong in this world. Lately, those feelings had been happening more and more. It was something she couldn’t explain.
Without even realizing it, Akira had been following a ray of sunshine. She stopped when she saw the door. She knew that most people couldn’t see them. But there one was, right in front of her. Her adrenaline shot up and her breath started coming out in shallow puffs. She felt her eyes go wide in wonderment. Every door looked different, because every door led to a different world. She knew the doorways never moved, but it was very hard to find the same one twice; nearly impossible.
This door Akira had seen three times before. It was a shimmering, translucent gold. She could see the forest on the other side, but she knew that if she stepped through the door, it wouldn’t look like that. She knew because she had seen creatures walk through them. She clenched her fists at her sides, because she knew she shouldn’t go through the door. She forced herself to turn around and run.
She ran all the way home, about half a mile. She burst through the edge of the woods into her backyard. She stood there, hunched over, trying to catch her breath. She felt weak, her legs like rubber. The adrenaline was leaving her system and she felt drained.
The first time she had ever seen the door, she saw a green man coming out. He was green from hair to foot. His skin had been kind of a mint green, his hair a dark forest green. The color of his clothes had matched his hair: green trousers and a green tunic. He hadn’t noticed her, hadn’t seen her watching. She’d held herself still, praying he didn’t see her, not moving even a foot and barely breathing. She knew he would have heard her; he was one with the forest and knew everything. For that reason, she had been surprised that he hadn’t found her, no matter how quiet she had been.
He had been whistling a tune that seemed familiar to her, but she couldn’t place it. She’d seen a glimpse of the world he had left. It looked similar to her own, but she knew it wasn’t the same forest. The desire to go through the golden door was suddenly so intense, she had to squeeze back tears. What was it about the golden door that called to her so? Why not the silver one or the red one? Or any of the other doors? She let out a sigh of utter frustration.
Comments (9)
This was very good. You are going to continue on right? I hope so..it aint nice to leave peepers hanging
@sweetlovinlife - Yeah, I’ve been working on it now and then. =]
This is a good start. I want to read more.
It’s very engaging.
Just some tweaks that might be helpful–
“The bits of blue sky that could be seen in between the leaves told of treasures waiting to be found in the forest.” –Not sure what you mean by this… it sounds pretty, but I don’t know what it means.
“She had never gone through one, for she might never find her way back.” –Get rid of “for”.
“Without even realizing it, Akira had been following a ray of sunshine. She stopped when she saw the door.” –Get rid of “even”.
“For that reason, she had been surprised that he hadn’t found her, no matter how quiet she had been.” –This is a little awkward, but at the very least change it to something like “…she had been surprised that he hadn’t found her, even though she had been as quiet as possible.” The “no matter” is confusing.
Happy writing!
~V
@TheMarriedFreshman - Thanks! It’s the first draft and a writer’s job is never done, lol. Thanks for the input, I really appreciate it!
@godfatherofgreenbay - You will, don’t worry =]
Babe go on you can do it:)
Wow. That was pretty amazing. o.o I hope you’ll continue! No cliff hanger please. Those sort of things torment me.
@DarkDestiny666 - Oh no :/ I’m not done with it!