April 21, 2009
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Real Friends
I was just reading this on Queerish’s site…and it made me think a little bit.
You learn who your real friends truly are when you start coming out.
About 2 years ago I dated this woman, and at the time, I thought I was bi, so I started coming out as bi. I told two close friends, Jen and Holly. I had known them both for about 3 years at that point, which is a long time for me to know someone, considering I’ve never lived in the same place for more than 2 1/2 years. I haven’t spoken to Holly in nearly a year, and I talk to Jen maybe once every 6 months.
Last summer, I came out to my high school friends. I’ve known them for 8 years. It’s amazing to me to have friends that have lasted that long, and I love every single one of them. They’ve known me in some of the darkest times of my life, and they’re still there for me. They love me for who I am, not who I love. They still love me, even with piercings and pink hair, even with all of my issues. They love and accept me for who I am. These friends are true friends, who will always be there for me. Years down the road, we will still be friends. I am so thankful for my friends for being so wonderful.
Those are real friends.
Sort of on the same note, I still haven’t come out to the rest of my family. I went with my dad and my sister a few weeks ago to the Wild game (MN hockey, for those who don’t know…). He was reading some news on the internet on his phone, and he said “Same sex marriages are now legal in Iowa.”
I said “Really?!”
My dad looks over at me and he says “Why’d you get so excited?”
PERFECT opportunity to come out, right? To say “Because I’m a lesbian.”
NO. What do I say instead? “Because I support it, that’s all.”
What the hell?
I know my dad wouldn’t care. I know my dad loves me, regardless if I’m gay, straight, whatever. But there’s a part of me that’s deathly afraid of disappointing him. There’s a part of me that thinks he’ll be upset and disapponted in me for not being straight. Sounds kind of ridiculous, right?
Well, a couple of months ago, I had to stomp on my brakes on the ice because the person in front of me did. I was 3 car lengths behind, but I slid forever right into the rear end of the vehicle in front of me, and crashed my car. My car was then barely drivable and I had to get a new one. I refused to tell my dad. I didn’t go to his house for a month because I didn’t want him to know. I know he would endlessly lecture me about safe driving. So I go to my mom’s and she helps me get financing, AND TELLS MY DAD THAT I’M BUYING A NEW CAR BECAUSE I GOT INTO A CAR ACCIDENT. I was mad. So then my dad lectured me for an hour…the economy isn’t safe enough to buy a new car, you don’t know how secure your job is, you should have been driving more carefully.
I think my fears of coming out to my dad are maybe justified with that story…
Comments (4)
I never came out to anyone in my family, only my closest friends know because, for some stupid reason, everyone here takes a step back when there’s something “strange” or different about you (even such a thing as clothing). I hate that.
As a parent myself, I know how your dad feels about the accident (well, you know, too) – it’s that he loves you so much the thought of your being hurt just gets to him, and all he can do is helplessly lecture you. But about coming out to him: you are already so brave and strong to know yourself and to be honest about who you are. I’m guessing your dad will accept it and love you even more for it, whenever you decide to tell him. He may freak a little (but maybe not!). I know how hard it is to talk to parents about stuff like that – but don’t forget that they are sometimes shy about it, too. He will probably thank you for taking the plunge and bringing it out in the open. Go Iowa. And Vermont. And I apologize for my state, California. Eventually we will fix it.
@suzford - Thank you so much for your kind words! I know my dad loves me, but I think he makes things hard sometimes because he can (at times) be an over-critical parent. I am not a parent, so I don’t know if that’s normal. My dad is one of those guys who can’t talk about anything regarding females…as examples, he won’t say the words bra or tampon. He sighs whenever a tampon commercial comes on the TV. So I’m sort of thinking he’ll reply with one or two sentences and that will be end of the conversation. It’s kind of funny actually, because my sister and I will exploit that and tease him by just saying random words like tampon and period, just for fun lol! =]
@crazy2love - Oh God I feel for you! Glad you have a sister who can share stuff like that … tampon tampon tampon. lol