May 31, 2004
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Remember that book I bought for my dad, Why A Daughter Needs A Dad? Well, I just wrote a little inscription in it, and I thought I’d share it:
“Daddy-
“I saw this book in Wal-Mart and thought it would be a cool gift, so I bought it. But as I brought it home, read it, contemplated it, this book became much more than a “cool gift”.
“This book was written to you by me, only it wasn’t. I hope you can understand what I mean. If you don’t, or in case you don’t, I will explain it to you: This book contains all my thoughts about you; what you are to me and I hope you can be to me. It says what I believe you to be to me and what I wish you to be to me.
“This book has everything in it in written words that I cannot say. It is difficult for me to tell people my thoughts and feelings in verbal form, you know this. That’s why this book is so perfect. I hope you keep it an treasure it for always… in fact, I know you will. Whenever I am not with you, and you miss me, you can pull out this book, read these words I have written to you, and read this book.
“It is my number one fear in life, to disappoint you. If ever I do disappoint you, I am sorry, Please don’t blame me for my mistakes. And I feel I have already made countless mistakes and disappointed you countless times already in my 18 years. I have cried countless tears for these mistakes I’ve made, wanting to relive a moment, take back words and things I’ve done. Maybe it’s all a part of growing up, these mistakes, but still I want to change them. But it is impossible to erase or change the past, the past is untouchable, only a bubble of memory in the mind.
“And life is all about making mistakes, learning from them, and taking great care not to repeat these mistakes. Even with these thoughts, it is still my greatest fear, disappointing you. I know you will always love me, no matter what I do, but my fear is still there. I also want you to know that I know you’ve done everything you can to make me happy and to try and live a better life, and I love you so much for it. I know that sometimes it seems like I don’t appreciate everything you’ve done, but I do. I know that sometimes I can act like a bitchy brat and you try everything you can think of to lighten my mood. Thank you for that, even though a lot of times, it doesn’t seem to work, it does, I just don’t show it, because I’m stubborn. And I can admit that!
“It’s Sunday night as I write this, the day before Memorial Day. I see you and Ashley tomorrow, and I’m excited, because I haven’t seen you in so long.
“I’m thinking of moving out of Minnesota. I hate it here, and I feel like there’s nothing for me here. I’ve felt this way for a long time, something like a year. If I do decide to move, I hope you can support me in my decision. I hope it doesn’t disappoint you.
“I love you daddy.
“Love Always~
“Crystal”
Well, that’s what I wrote to him. I wrote diagonal along the front 2 pages and the last page in the book, you know, the white space. I love my daddy…..as you can tell….I know he’s going to love it….it’s almost his birthday!! I can’t wait to give him this book….
Comments (2)
:wave: HI!!! :wave:
That was beautiful, Crystal. It made me jealous. It should make him cry, only he’ll probably never let anyone see it, and he won’t tell anyone. :p Yeah.
I was amused that you said, “It is difficult for me to tell people my thoughts and feelings in verbal form,” then proceeded to do exactly that — quite well.
Peace.