Why me? I always ask this question, but this time it seems so right. WHY ME?! Why the fuck huh?! Does God find it funny to cause me so much pain? I’ve never felt as depressed as I do right now. Never ever so sad. In my life. Was it funny to cause me pain? Did you laugh at it? What about this morning, huh? What was that? It didn’t mean anything?? Maybe to fucking you…I talked to Tabitha today. She basically told me that she blaims herself for Chu’s death, she couldn’t sleep last night. I cried for her. Then I cried for me. And she cried for me.

I’m feeling so low right now. I want to kill myself so fucking bad right now. So bad. Why can’t I? Am I too weak? What was this? A joke? A bet? A game? Was it fun for you? Did you enjoy it? And was your friend in on it? Did he laugh with you? I’m not laughing. But you don’t care, do you? You could care less if I slit my wrists, if I swallowed a bottle of pills, if I fucking choked and died on my vomit, if I slit my own damn throat….you could care less. Why did you spend all those hours with me? Why? What the hell was in it for you? Just a laugh? All those hours and just a laugh? Was it the same for Joe? I drove so recklessly on the way to the restuarant, I wanted to die. But you don’t care…do you? I didn’t think so…

I’m going to sleep to dream of a violent death.

crazy2love