March 23, 2004
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Arg. I cried myself to sleep last night. Sadness overtook my soul and I cried. I cried for my friends that aren’t talking and I cried for the friends that I feel powerless to help. And the question that always flies around my head appeared again last night: Why me? Why do I have to feel this way? Why can’t I be happy? My nose is still stuffy from all my crying. Why does your nose get stuffy when you cry anyway? Why does everyone have to expect so much from me all the time? I had this huge lump in my throat that wouldn’t go away until I sobbed it out. I truly hate school. Why do I have to be here? And why can’t anyone answer any of my questions?
I had another dream last night where my mom abandoned me again. She was at this nice house where I couldn’t go. I don’t understand what they mean. Do they mean she really does want to abandon me? Is there really a God? I haven’t ever thought so. If there was, why is the world such shit? Isn’t he supposed to be all powerful and help people? I don’t understand…whatever.
Comments (4)
I think our dreams are a whole lot more about our fears and wishes than they are about the world around us. I would say the dream more likely means you’re AFRAID she wants to abandon me, but doesn’t say much about what she actually wants.
Thanks for your comment. Very accurate. I’ll respond to what is said late in the day. I want to see what other people might say without my interference.
I’m sorry you feel sad and overwhelmed. Just keep feeling, keep questioning, and keep hoping, and you’ll be good.
Peace.
There is a God. The reason the world has been shot to hell is because we as the people in it have ruined it. There’s a song that goes “I’ve given everything to you,but look at what you do,to the world I created, I know your every thought,heart and soul and every move there are so many consequences to the things that you do. . ” etc but yeah we haven’t taken care of what God’s given us. I’m sorry your sad, I wish I could give you all my happiness if I could I would. I’d trade you if you like but I can’t. . If you ever need to talk drop me a line. I hope things get better. I know it must hurt but if your mom isn’t going to be a real one,drop her and move on when you can,start your own life and build your dreams.
Love
Jac
I have that problem too sometimes. Sometimes I just feel like I want to cry. Just let everything go. And then I ask myself, “why me?” I ask all those cliche’d questions about “why does my life have to suck so much?” My philosophy is that you have to take the bad with the good. There has to be enough sadness in your life to truly appreciate happiness or you never lived a good life. Just think, people have it worse than you. You have so many things that other people do not. Look at what you DO have in life, not your fears, or what you don’t have, and you will be happier as a person.
that song about the rain is called “i’m only happy when it rains” just thought you might be interested..=]