August 26, 2012
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Re: I don’t believe in internet love
It’s been a very long time since I’ve written a RE post..but I read this one by @Xcite_Media, and to be honest I got kind of irritated. Everyone’s entitled to their opinions, but I think there are some fundamental things wrong with this.
There’s more to love than being physical, so much more. I don’t think you can truly appreciate or value someone unless you know their mind. Know their thoughts, what they think, how they feel about things. It’s important to know what they value, what they think is important. How can you truly love someone for who they are unless you know these things? And how do you find them out? By talking. Lots and lots and lots of talking. Talking about everything, in a depth that you rarely share with anyone else. Telling someone your deepest thoughts. You can do this over the internet. Texting, calling, Skype, Yahoo, you name it…there’s so many ways to communicate.
I think that people greatly undervalue this aspect. This is why people don’t work out as a couple. People get so wrapped up in the physical and sex, they don’t pay attention to the most important part of it all. How can you live with someone if you don’t communicate? It’s important to know if you’re even of compatible MINDS before you get physical with each other. Otherwise, what’s the point? To satisfy a sexual, physical urge? What’s the value in that? I think that’s the wrong way to go about it.
Don’t get me wrong, sex is important too. If you’re long distance, there’s sexting and phone sex until you meet. But I think it’s less important than getting to know someone in the deepest of ways. Yes, it is possible to fall in love over the internet. I don’t fall in love with the physicality of a person. I fall in love with their mind, the way they think, their thoughts, their intellect. I could be physically attracted to someone, but I could never be with someone who’s on a lower level than I am intellectually. I just couldn’t. I need stimulating and engaging conversation. That’s what I fall in love with. And, I’ve fallen in love that way both over the internet and in person. Sexual attraction is important…but if you have it while you’re having phone sex and sexting, it will be there in person.
I have known many couples who have fallen in love over the internet and they are still together. My uncle met his wife over the internet about 12-14 years ago and they are still together, with 2 kids. Kylie and Fred met on Xanga, and they are still together, for 5-6 years now, happily married, with a child on the way. Summer and Jim met on Xanga, they are engaged and they have a child on the way.
If you think love over the internet is merely expressed by emotes, you’re sadly mistaken. There’s a deeper communication there than you could ever imagine. There’s something about getting to know people a lot more before you have sex, and I think more people should do it. I think there would be a lot less heartbreak in the world.
Comments (54)
Internet love is no more out there then the romance of Robert, and Elizabeth Barrett Browning….who fell in love through letters…sight unseen. They are counted among the great romances of letters…just saying.
Totally agree with everything you’ve said here. I can’t think of a possible thing to add to this
Excellent post
Amen. I’m just gonna reiterate something I read a while ago on the subject. When it comes to online dating and/or relationships, you can’t possibly know what it’s like until it happens to you.
And damn girl, you’re so quotable.
It could still happen to me, so Internet love is not something to be discounted- but eventually, there will be a face-to-face meeting.
To m,e internet love isn’t something you have a choice in beliving, if you found that match som ewhere. It’s a hard thingto do, but it’s not like all of your potential ones are going to live right near you. Why do you think some people find good love moving elsewhere? It’s a matter of chance.
Agree 100%. (:
I wouldn’t CHOOSE to find someone on the internet,
but I did.
My hubster. 2 year (dating) anniversary is February 14. He’s an absolute genius and I’ve never met anyone more perfect. Before we met, we both felt that it was weird that we were kind of talking but had never been face to face (because we’re realists.) But, you can’t stop love.
We started off as pen-pals and didn’t begin to talk every day through Oovoo until he was deployed.I think the people who search for such a relationship are a little strange. It’s no fun being far away from someone. It’s so much easier to asses someone when they’re in front of you (usually.)But, if it happens, it happens.
My family loves him and I plan on going to Korea with him in a year or two to meet his.
Someone I’m falling in love right now is from the internet (‘: (‘:
I don’t think it’s entirely impossible, but I see the room for dishonesty when it comes to any type of internet relationship.
Ahh, I agree completely. I’m still busy pondering this deeper in my life at the moment, but at the moment, my best and only friend is on the internet and it’s allowed us to actually know each other. All we can do is talk. It’s funny, because [unlike me] she has actual friends and has always said that it’s different because they don’t actually know her like I do.
Anyway, good show!
Works for some, not for others. I am quite leery myself. The thing is, people on the internet can be very shady, and one may not know that until meeting them and knowing who they are.
Kudos to those, who have had great experiences with it =) Things work out for different reasons!
It happened for me once…I hope it happens again.
Terrific post.
Amen to all your words.
Sex is important but not everything.
excellent post
I’ve have no problem with internet love/relationship. Actually I enjoy every minute of it. Enjoy it very much. During workdays we normally start FB chat/ Video-Skype at 7pm till midnight – sometimes until 2am with half an hour or one hour breaks every now and then. During weekends we normally start chat/Skype around 2pm till midnight, and sometimes until next morning. The beauty of video conversation/Skype, I’ve chance to chat with his whole family as well. I think internet love/relationship is a great way to get to know each other better.
The only love I know is a delusional love. I’m in love with a woman I never had any kind of relationship with, we only spoke one time our entire lives. So for me, love is a stupid joke, but, there is no doubt in my mind I have strong feelings for this woman, and it makes me think, if what I am feeling is love, how can my mind feel such a powerful strong connection to a woman I never took the time to get to know? How could I be so delusional? How could my feelings play such a dirty trick on me? How could I be in love with a stranger. How could have this happened to me. What I am saying is, I fell in love at first sight. And the moment I first saw her, I knew we were meant to be together. However, she is married, so obviously we were not meant to be together. I’ve become attached to this stranger the same way a parasite latches on to it’s host. I was just thinking. “Oh my god, I am in love with someone I will never see ever again in my life!!” But on the bright side, she gives me something to think about on a daily basis. I guess, it was part of God’s plan that I should fantasize about a person. Or maybe I’m just sick in the head. Or maybe, she is my inspiration. I still don’t know if my love for her is an unhealthy obsession, or if it is, something that is motivating me towards success. BUT I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX UNLESS IT’S WITH HER!!! You have no idea how bad it feels to really want something unattainable. The more you reach out, the farther away it gets from you. And I feel so crushed. I just wish I could snap out of this and stop thinking about her, it’s been two years now.
@RestlessButterfly - I guess you forgot about your own Iban custom of courting :
http://sexiness-is-an-attitude.xanga.com/767358616/ngayap–iban-way-of-courting/
I agree with you. As you know, I met my boyfriend online and next month will be seven years for us. It definitely possible to meet someone online and fall in love.
@fabolousclown - Go for it Amalia.
Very well written and thought out. I agree with every word you wrote.
@RestlessButterfly - Hi you, oh gorgeous one
@Sexiness_is_an_attitude - I thought you said you’re Iban girl. If you’re really an Iban girl you should know ‘Ngayap’ is just a piece of Iban history. Iban people stopped doing that long before you and me existed. Iban people stopped ‘ngayap’ 30, 40 years ago.
Well, I guess your jealousy blinded you. Stop being jealous of others happiness. I warned you and your gang to stop harassing me.
Nothing sexy about your attitude. Your attitude is ugly. You have no respect to others. I told you and your friends to leave me ALONE countless times!
I know what are you trying to do. You have nothing to blogging about right now and decided to harassing me, so that when I respond to your harassment, you can blogging about me. Cheap trick. Out-of-date too. You guys doing it to me and to other bloggers since 2009.
And do not use this reply to create a blog about me. If you have nothing reply to say/write, shut up your mouth.
@Sexiness_is_an_attitude - Next time read more and do your research before decided to open your mouth.
http://www.reference.com/browse/ngayap
http://purpleibangirl.blogspot.com/search/label/adat%20iban
@Sexiness_is_an_attitude - Read this and leave me alone forever. Jealous of other people happiness won’t bring you any good.
http://translate.google.com/translate?hl=en&sl=ms&tl=en&u=http%3A%2F%2Fms.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FNgayap
@Sexiness_is_an_attitude - My late grandpa (Benedict Sandin) wrote the original articles (in Iban language), read them too! And leave me alone.
http://gnmawar.wordpress.com/adat-iban/the-early-iban-way-of-life/
Well put and an excellent post… what is a relationship without communication which is the stronghold of it all… thank you for posting this.
Writing letters was how my mother fell in love with my dad. She only saw him a few times before but she said his letters are what really attracted her to him. That being said. LIVING with a person and staying with them through their faults, That is love!
i don’t know why you’re assuming that the only pleasure to be derived from being in the presence of someone has to be sexual.
while i think it’s possible to meet someone over the internet, i don’t believe that any form of love is complete until you have experienced your partner in all ways possible.
Very trueee… I met my husband online. I fell in love with his heart before his looks. We’ve been together for 3+ years.
Every time I read my own blog I fall in love. With MYSELF! Yeahhhhhhhh
My main method of communication with Boyf is via skype, simply because we’re both poor atm and live in different towns. I see him regularly, but I don’t think our relationship would be quite the same if we didn’t have that method of communication.
great post
I was a little confused by this… it seemed initially that you were against internet love, but the the post proceeded to be why internet love CAN work. I guess I just need to learn how to read!
But yes, completely agree that talking online/phone/texting prior to meeting in person can be so much more beneficial than otherwise.
You can add my wife and I to the list of people who met online and are still together, happily and married years later. Two year wedding anniversary on October 16th!
@KnightInCROATIANarmor - Hi you, gorgeous two
!
@RestlessButterfly -
From personal experience, I totally know that “internet relationships” can work out well, and become “real life”. My husband from here in the US and I, from England, originally met on Yahoo 360 in 2006… he applied for my Fiancee Visa from USCIS the following year, and I’ve been here with him in America and happily married for four years next month.
A couple of peeps have commented that there’s room for deception/lies etc in an online relationship – but this can happen just as easily when you meet someone in real life. As you pointed out, it’s talking to a person endlessly that filters out the crap from the reality. It’s very difficult to hold a continuous lie when you spend hours and hours talking together, and as that’s the way internet relationships tend to take off – through talking, as there’s no physical side to it – it doesn’t take long to suss out if someone is “real” or not.
As much as I hate Y360 for the way they treated us bloggers when they shut us down, I’ll always hold gratitude towards them for being the platform that made me and Shane possible.
@KnightInCROATIANarmor - Hahaha Boris I’m shy
Finally a smart post on this!
The only thing about meeting people on the internet is that you have to be careful, because it’s hard to tell if they’re being sincere. But, I guess the same goes for real life, as well.
It actually happend to me once (sadly the spelling corretion only seems to work on sweadish… bloody cunrty I live in… for a dyslektic annyways) well me and the lady in qestion spent about 3years cattion before something actually happend but I can honestly say that was one half year in complete happiness and for me that is werry odd. I am kinda a self sabotur ironicly thats not what ended us but the distance
lives little ironies never cesec to amuse and hurt.
<3 Agreed.
@fabolousclown - Does he know? Do I know him?
Finding internet love is not uncommon in this day and age. It’s basically another way to meet people, and it’s not a bad way to meet people if one is shy and reserved. Then again, I’m a bit biased.
@amateurprose - incorrigible.
This post is fantastic; I couldn’t have said it better!!!
I think the internet is the new penpal courtships they used to have. So it makes sense that such a deeper inside knowledge if the person is being themselves, would create a deeper relationship quicker..
I agree! I met my husband in a chat room 12 years ago. We have been married for 6 years & working on kids,he’s also my best friend.
David and I met on Xanga. We’ve been married six years and we have a four-year-old boy now.
You make a good point. In a way, it might be easier to clarify your feelings for a person if you meet them via the internet, then they way you feel has nothing to do with how they look and the sex you have and stuff.
Meh, don’t listen to Xcite. She’s part of the Malaysian Conspiracy and probably a fake identity (one of several).
It happens all the time.
agreed 100%
There once was an online boy. He totally lied to me. He kinda took my heart and ripped it into pieces. But I did love him.