August 14, 2012
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Talking about sex…
I may or may not be the only person that feels this way, but to me, it’s just plain WEIRD and uncomfortable when your family starts talking about sex and Fifty Shades of Grey. I do not want to know that my family members are reading those books…
I was at dinner with my sister Rachel, my mother, my aunt and her boyfriend, and my grandparents last night. So they start talking about Fifty Shades… *facepalm* My grandma tells me that my novel isn’t any good unless there’s lots of good, steamy sex.
Then my aunt asks me if I’ve ever been in a sex toy store And my mom says that ever since she’s read the books, my step father will randomly give her a good smack on the ass Then she tells my aunt’s boyfriend that if he reads the books, he will go to the adult toy store and buy a flogger. My mother, my aunt, and my sister have read the books. My grandmother wants to read them.Since we were sitting in a restaurant, I couldn’t exactly spout off about how horrible the books are and that they grossly misrepresent the lifestyle. My grandma said that I need to do lots and lots of research to write my novel. I said, “I don’t really need to do any research. I already know what a violet wand is.” Everyone looks at me and goes, what is that? “It’s an electric wand, about this long (using my hands to gesture), that you use to poke your submissive to electrocute them,” I say. “Why would you do that?” My aunt asks. “It provides stimulation.” My aunt says, “Oh my,” and covers her mouth with her hand.
I just never, ever want to go through this again. It was horrible…and my sister didn’t contribute to the conversation at all…so she was just as mortified as I was. Thankfully, the conversation soon passed onto other topics, but still….
Comments (39)
Wow, talk about dinner conversations with family! I think I would have walked away lol.
I think I would’ve just wrapped up my food and left.
I’ve heard that the level of writing in these grey thingys is appallingly bad. I’m too busy for personal… investigation.
I get flustered when people talk about sex in public. I would’ve went to hide in the bathroom
o_O Yeah I understand where you’e coming from.
My Grandma asked what the book was about and I almost died.
I am so thankful I haven’t had conversations like that with my family.
OMG I can’t believe your GRANDMA said that! Oh that’s all so awkward haha
In a Restaurant? No thanks.
You have one interesting family. lol
OMG
I’d die of embarrassment….Mom gave me ‘The Talk’ last year on my 14th birthday..and she didn’t talk about sex…she also talked about the M word…you know…by your self….OMGShe asked me if I’ve seen a penis yet .OMGI had JUST turned 14 !!!!! It was on my 14th BIRTHDAY !!!!What kind of daughter does she think I am (….don’t answer that).WORST. BIRTHDAY.EVER.
…Srsly?
Wow. You have a weird family. Welcome to the club.
Haha, I’d make everyone else so awkward they’d stop talking about it immediately, that’s how I deal with that kind of thing. Speaking of which, I’d love it if you participated in the newest prompt over at PallidPen.xanga.com because I think you would do really good with it
Sooo awkward. Makes me glad my mom doesn’t read.
I think it’s healthy when a family talks about sex. What makes it so uncomfortable is that it’s never done.
I think you should all go see Hope Springs
I would have been embarassed too, but this made me giggle! lol Oh man…
My wife refuses to talk about sex–too uncomfortable. She enjoys it–just won’t talk.
I will discuss sex online, but in polite company, I also will not talk about sex, or porn, or anything else like that. Unless I’m making jokes. That’s somewhat different. I think it has nothing to do with being uncomfortable, I just like to keep my private life private.
Never read it (them?), don’t care to.
My family is pretty open, so it’s whatever. Conversations like that don’t phase me much.
I know this isn’t a funny post, but imagining my own grandma and aunt having that conversation or reading those books… Anyway, this brought a huge smile to me today, just when I needed it. Thank you!
ew. I couldn’t agree more. I don’t want to talk about sex with my parents or my grandparents or my kids (unfortunately, since you’re supposed to have “talks” with the kids). I don’t even like to talk about sex with my sister, because she always comes out with some unexpected TMI that makes me picture my BIL and EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWw.
My grandmother recently told me about some of her sexual exploits, including the number of men she’d slept with, her record for one day, the best one, the biggest age difference, and who currently has her list of conquests and is keeping it safe for her so her husband doesn’t stumble across it and feel bad.
Luckily, she told me all this in the privacy of her home, while her husband was gone. If it had been at dinner in public, I would’ve died.
I’m glad you survived. Sorry about the awkwardness. I haven’t read 50 Shades of Gray. I heard it started out as Twilight fanfic and that pretty much did it in for me.
Lol sorry for the convo, but i love the books. They have a lot of sex, but I think the plot in the second and last are really good. Better when they are actually together I think. Plus, it opened me up to a lot of things that led to my first orgasm.
ROFL. I am sorry. I don’t mean to laugh, but that was funny. At least your family is not completely sexually repressed. My mom thinks anything that is not missionary is dirty.
The whole family talking about sex at a dinner? Oh my god, that would be a great movie scene!
I guess I have to read this book so I can post about it.
I think that would be very uncomfortable. I’m glad my mom hasn’t read the book and probably never will lol
Im sorry about the akwardness, i cant see my grandma talking about that. but this did make me laugh
my wife is 8 months pregnant, for some reason my father thinks the conception is an appropriate family dinner topic.
xD
I don’t think a novel needs sex, but it needs curious ideas. I like books that manipulate my mind, or at least enlighten me. Otherwise I’ll fall asleep part way through.
everything in life is about the shades of gray….and how much gray matter some people seem to lack….
I’m sorry for laughing at this, I can imagine having a similar conversation with my family if they ever read the books. They know I tend to go to an industrial/goth/fetish club from time to time but I don’t go into the ins and outs so to speak (hehe pun).
I so prefer the way your family talks about sex than the way my mother talks about sex.
“You should be a good and smart woman. Men are bastards. If they know they can easily have something for free, they won’t seriously want you. They won’t respect you. They will have their fun and dump you. No good man would want a woman, who’s stupid enough to sleep with other men (who then didn’t marry her). So please, be a smart girl, and don’t WHORE around. No (good) men will marry you.” – I didn’t even have sex or a boyfriend yet!
@joyouswind - That’s really tough shit for her husband if he feels bad, and in his next reincarnation he will marry a Big Dyke who hates men, as karmic justice for being a hissy biatch.
No but seriously this 50 shades of ghey is lame and I’m much more concerned about my numerous Facebook friends who are MTF transsexuals and many of them work as escorts and are subjected to the occasional psycho who wants to strangle them and the police don’t fuckin’ do anything if a drag queen is murdered? or they are married and with kids and just coming out as bi or transgendered and there is this whole fuckin’ witch hunt against them?
See those things disturb me and I wish I could do something about them and all these fuckin’ grannies in their granny panties need to get on line and march for something important.
I read them and then my husband picked them up..what bothers me is he kept leaving them in randomly odd places where the kids or other adults could see what ( someone ) was reading…I found the last one on a ledge outside my dgts bedroom across the hall….he just put it down next to the towels and walked on? I took the books and buried them in the libary..her use of email chatter was interesting and made it move faster..
Sometimes I worry about my hus. unconcious (?) one can hope..accidentally leaving adult lit or dvds in the proximity of our kids…yeah..I worry a lot actually.
@TheCellOfDougMoe - I probably should have clarified this was all before she married him. They have only been married for 11 years.
Awkwaaaard.. So glad it hasn’t happened to me before ..