June 26, 2012
-
I’m just way too upset right now
So, my youngest sister has been hospitalized for psychosis twice. Which, means psychotic. She had a lot of psychotic symptoms. The last time she was in the hospital, her doctors told us that if she ever does drugs again, she will go into a psychotic state, possibly permanently. She kept saying how much she hated being in the hospital.
So I come home from work, and what is she doing? Smoking weed with a friend. What. The. Fuck. She kept saying she doesn’t need to do drugs anymore and blah blah blah. Now I feel like I can’t trust her at all. I was at her side every fucking day this last time in the hospital, watching the most disturbing behavior I’ve ever seen. I thought she understood what the doctor meant about doing drugs, because she was told many times. Even on anti-psychotics she could go into psychosis. I don’t know if I can go through that again. I really don’t. It was just so hard, seeing my sister like that, thinking that she had killed her family. Saying I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry, over and over and over again, and crying. She refused to eat for 6 days. She barely drank enough fluids. She kept trying to kill herself in the hospital. She was on 24hr watch. There was a nurse watching her at all times. Just thinking about it…..
And when she was in the hospital, mom kept saying things were going to change. But nothing has.
What the fuck. Why would she do this? I just don’t understand.
I don’t know what to do. And I don’t think I can write right now.
Comments (17)
She needs rehab, not a doctor.
Sounds like she needs long term help in a hospital that leans towards rehabilitation not permanent lock down as the solution.
She needs rehab and a lot of support. And if she really doesn’t need drugs or she wants to quit then it will make it a lot easier. But it’s all in her mind set.
Wow. That’s really tough. She needs some better help. I hope she’s able to get it soon, so that your family can have its daughter and sister back.
*hug*
Addiction is a terrible thing. You only focus on your addiction and how to get your next fix, not caring if you live or die.
She needs rehab. She really does. If she’s under 18, she has no choice if she is admitted. In some states, if two parties sign forms, they can get another person committed for their well being. Check into that, if you can
Muc love your way.
I accidentally deleted what I wrote. I agree with the others, your sister needs rehab. It would be better if she were ready to get better. I am sorry you are having to go through this with her.
People seek help when they’re ready. Unfortunately, that is out of our control.
I’m sorry you are going through this. I hope she will be ok. Sometimes people have to want to help themselves before you can help them.
One of the basic facts in life is that we behave the way we do because we get something we want out of doing it. It doesn’t matter if the behavior is beneficial or harmful, if we get what we want as the result, we repeat it, over and over. Until someone can show your sister that she can get far more than she is now, she won’t want to change. Nothing anyone says to her can do it, she has to be shown, she has to be able to see it for herself. That’s what a good rehab will do, they’re trained for it.
On the other hand, you need to understand that you haven’t done anything to put her where she is. It is NOT your fault. And just as it isn’t your fault, you don’t have the training to be the person who can help her right now. Don’t beat yourself up over her choices, you didn’t make them, she did. I know it hurts to watch what she’s doing, but without some form of help she won’t change. And even then, she might refuse to change anyway. I see that all the time where I work, people who are shown, over and over, how much better their lives could be but turn their backs on it anyway.
I know she’s your sister, I know it hurts, but for your own sanity you need to be able to step back a little. You don’t have to abandon her, but you do need to believe that the most you can do is support those who can help her. Love her, care for her future, spend time with her, but don’t think that it’s your fault or your duty to fix things.
I can’t stand the thought of how much you can hurt yourself because you think any of this is your fault.
I wish I knew what to say to make it all better, but I know there’s nothing I can say to do so, but know that I’m sending lots of love, hugs and good thoughts for you! *megahugs*
nice post,
It must be terribly frustrating, but you can’t live someone else’s life for her. By itself, just smoking marijuana doesn’t seem like an awful problem.
I was a drug addict and had to see the doctor and been to the psych wing of the hospital a few times, got myself in jail briefly too. I had two relapses. I think it was a combination of peer pressure and addiction. Also after losing your sanity once, it is very difficult to tell from the outside if the person is alright. I acted entirely coherently for months while hearing voices. I am now sober and sane. It is also very hard to deal with the memory of your actions when you have a break from reality so that might make it harder to avoid doing drugs. I hope your sister’s condition improves. Try not to feel too responsible if things don’t go well, I know you are probably doing your best.
:c *hug*
I know this is difficult, but remember you are not your sister. As much as it hurts us to see a loved one self destruct, we are not responsible for their behaviors. Each of us must take care of our selves first, set the good example and help out when possible. You do all you can and the rest is up to her.
God blesses you, in your love and caring for your sister. Hopefully she will wake up and see that love before it is too late.
May God’s love be with you.
Fortunately weed is not hard nor physically addictive. If anything it just makes you sleepy and kind of hungry. A good stress reliever. However It can have adverse effects if done for long period of time. So sorry to hear that you’re going through hard times with someone you love. I hope she gets the help she needs.