...and my blog becomes a war zone. Good grief.
So I went to dinner with Cody and Tony. We all got there around 6:30, and didn't leave until about 10:30. We sat at Boston's for 4 hours, lmao. Cody's girlfriend joined us when she was done with work. It was good times, it felt good to get out of the house. I went to dinner with Cody Sunday, and he was nice to me. Paired up with Tony, they ganged up on me, like old times. At least I can laugh about it.
As some of you know, one of my classes this semester is Human Origins. It's an anthropological class in which we're learning about the evolution of the human species. I've always believed in evolution, but now I know that there's a lot of evidence that backs that up. I'm wondering, with all this evidence of evolution, how there can be so many creationists out there.
First, let me begin by briefly touching on the subject of fossils. Fossils are quite rare. It takes a lot for bones to become fossils, and they actually turn to stone given enough time. Fossils are rare because of scavengers and climate elements. So finding complete skeletal remains would be so improbable as to be compared to finding a needle in a haystack.
So anthropologists find these fossil remains, mostly of craniums and skulls. Through finding and analyzing them, we can see how the shape of hominins have gone from more apelike to how homo sapiens look today. The classic model we usually think of in terms of evolution of humans is wrong, it didn't happen that way, with humans crouching less and less as time went on to stand fully upright. In fact, the opposite happened. We started standing on two feet long before our primate features became more human looking. We can tell this by looking at the skulls. On a skull, we can see where the spinal cord attaches based on where the hole in the skull is. In humans, the spinal cord attaches at the base of the skull, indicating that in order to see what's around you, you have to be standing on two feet only. Primates who walk on all fours have the spinal cord attaching more towards the top of the skull so that they can see as they're walking.
Above is a photo of the first commonly accepted hominin species of Australopithecus anamensis, which is when we started diverging from other primates. As you can see, our facial features were still very apelike, although this is when we started walking on 2 feet. There have been other bones found that correlate the finding that they are bipeds. The A. anamensis lived from 4.2 through 3.9 million years ago.
Another feature worth mentioning of our evolution is that the brain capacity keeps growing larger as time goes on. A modern human of homo sapien has a brain capacity of 1,000-2,000cc. The A. afarensis, a decedent of A. anamensis, has a cranial capacity of 380-500cc. This keeps increasing the closer we get to homo sapiens.
(Australopithecus afarensis, lived 3.9-2.9 million years ago)
There are several species of hominins that are shown to have lived in overlapping times as evolution occurred.
(Australopithecus africanus, lived 3.3-2.4 million years ago, during the same time as A. afarensis)
I'm going to skip some species of Australopithecus and go into Paranthropus.
Above is Paranthropus boisei. This hominin lived from 2.7-2.5 million years ago, and had a cranial capacity of 500-550cc. These early hominins developed bigger brains quite slowly, but you can see how the features are changing. The face gets progressively flatter instead of a jutting jaw.
Now we get to the genius of homo, and more towards modern humans (sapiens).
(Homo habilis, lived 2.3-1.44 million years ago)
It seems that as we leave early hominins and get into the genius of homo, cranial capacity gets even larger. The largest cranial capacity had been 800cc, a bit short of modern human. As we get past Homo ergaster, and into erectus, the cranial capacity is at that of modern humans of 1,000cc+.
(Homo ergaster, lived 1.78-1.6 million years ago, cranial capacity of 880cc)
(Homo erectus, lived 1.8 million years ago thru about 500,000 years ago)
Pictured above is a skull of our direct ancestor, Homo neanderthalensis, or Neanderthals. As you can see, they are distinctly more human than where we first started. Homo sapiens are very young in history, and have only been around for about 300,000 years. If modern humans live for 1 million years, we aren't even at the halfway point yet.
If you want an example of non-human evolution that's occurred before our very eyes, consider a species of finch from the Galapagos Islands. There was one year of a terrible drought. As with human height, there was a slight variation in beak size of this finch. Only the finches that had slightly longer beaks survived because they were able to eat things that the finches with smaller beaks couldn't. About 95% of the population died. The birds that survived copulated, and the resulting chicks all had the slightly longer beaks to survive. Evolution is a species changing to adjust to situations. The ideal model survives while the others die off. There was only one year of drought, but further copulations of the finches resulted in the shorter beaks and many with longer ones. It took several generations, but most of the generation once again had shorter beaks, and the finches with longer beaks were once again an anomaly.
Anyway, there's obviously more to human evolution than the photos I've posted, but it's too much for one simple post. Once you actually start studying the subject, it's amazing to me that creationists continue to ignore all the evidence. Let me ask you this:
In what other context would you ignore all the evidence and decide the opposite based on no evidence?
Let's say that you are on a jury of a murder trial. The evidence is as follows: there was skin and DNA of the accused found under the victim's fingernails; there was hair and clothing fibers found at the scene that match the accused; his fingerprints are all over the scene and the murder weapon; he had no alibi; he was, in fact, seen in the area of the crime near the time of death. Now, would you insist that this man is innocent even though all evidence points to the contrary?
You can use hundreds of examples, but in no other context is this true. Faith is blind. It's nice to believe in something, yes, but that doesn't mean you have to take the Bible literally and believe in this creationism.
Noteworthy
*I am by no means dismissing or dissing religion. My *only* argument here is creationism and it's fallacies. Creationists have no evidence to support their claims that God created the world in His image is reality.
*I am not an atheist. I'm simply not a Christian, and I obviously don't believe what the Bible says, and this is just one of the reasons I don't agree with Christianity.
So, I haven't posted my take on the whole birth control thing. I was just watching an episode of The Daily Show in which Jon Stewart showed a whole bunch of videos of conservatives saying that this bill is being passed just so women can freely have sex all the time and have their birth control paid for, and also the video where Limbaugh called that lady a prostitute or whatever he said. I know from personal experience that this isn't true. Even though you don't want to read the details, I encourage you to, especially the men. For a reason.
I posted a bit about this while it was going on. For a number of years, I got one or two periods a year. Obviously, not normal. I went to the doctor once, and they thought I was pregnant (impossible) so they gave me a pregnancy test. It was negative. They didn't do anything else to try and figure out if anything was wrong (one of the many reasons I don't like doctors or don't have much faith in them). Whenever I got my period though, it was usually very heavy. I had to go home from work a few times. I would get very lightheaded and faint and feel like I was going to pass out. I would get as white as a ghost. There was one time I even felt afraid to drive home because it was so bad.
Then a while back, I started getting my period on a more normal schedule. But one time, it was VERY heavy. I had to change a super tampon about every 45 minutes, and I had huge clots, about the size of plums. So I was like, I HAVE to call the doctor, I'm pretty sure I'm dying. I started getting very anemic and frequently felt like passing out. I was almost constantly dizzy. So the next available appointment was a couple days later. By the time I got to the doctor, it was considerably lighter. Also, the period had been going on for 12 days by the day of the appointment. So she tested me for cancer and a number of other things. She prescribed me birth control to stop the bleeding, and to take 2 pills a day until it stops. It took 3 more days until I was done with it. The cancer test came back negative, thank god, but waiting for the results was a bitch. Everything else is normal as well.
Anyway, she continued me on birth control to control my period and the heaviness of bleeding. I've been on birth control for several months now, and I am doing considerably better. The prescription is doing what it's supposed to. I now get a regular period every month and I'm just fine. And I'm not even "sexually active," so I don't even use it for that purpose.
I just think it's funny (not haha) that a whole bunch of men are talking about this and making laws about it and commenting on it, but they won't even listen to cases such as this. Birth control isn't just for birth control. It's been found to be useful for other things, and the FDA has obviously approved it for these other uses, otherwise a doctor would not legally be able to prescribe it to women in cases such as mine. And as I was going through this, I found out that it's not uncommon for a woman's period to be out of control. People have also said that it's cheaper to have birth control paid for and control things such as ovarian cysts than to pay for things like surgeries or doctor visits when the cyst bursts (or whatever happens there).
I just paid $65 for my birth control...3 months worth. When I had health insurance, it was $10 a month. When I got laid off, the full price was $35. I signed up for the WalCard, which is a Walgreens card that offers discounts on some prescriptions. So instead of paying $105 for 3 months worth, I paid $65. Not that this law would make any difference to me because I'm unemployed, but whatevs.
Also, I think that the world is overpopulated as it is, and having birth control paid for if it's being used AS birth control is a lot less drastic than China's 1 child law. Just saying. Maybe every country in the world should enact a 1 child law for a couple centuries.
So this morning I sent Kyle, the manager at the gym who gave me two free months, an email apologizing for seeming ungrateful. I also said some other stuff about not being able to afford gym membership right now and blah blah. He responded with "Just here to help! Thanks for the message!" 
Anyway, I have to get gone, and do my social deviance assignment done. I'm going to stand too close to people. I don't know how I'm going to be able to do this, since that makes me feel very uncomfortable. But I can't think of anything else to do.
I'm so sick and tired of the people that supposedly care about me doing everything without me all the fucking time. No one ever calls or texts me, and I'm always the one to communicate first. Well, that's changing. I don't give a fuck if it's family or not, I'm not doing it. If they wanna talk to me, they can contact me first. I'm fucking done with it.
I'm spending the rest of the day studying.
Sometimes a post really rubs me the wrong way, and I simply have to post a rebuttal. This post by @amandakristian17 is such a post. In it, she says that nudity is wrong. I wholeheartedly disagree. Nudity is the most natural thing in the world. We are all born naked. If it wasn't natural, we would be born with clothes on.
She says that not everyone wants to see "breasts, bum, and genitalia all over the web, television, etc." While some may agree to this, I don't. I don't mind seeing naked people. She goes on to say that you do not need to post pictures of yourself nude to make yourself feel beautiful. That, I agree with, but I think her approach is off. You shouldn't be ashamed to be naked, and if you feel comfortable to post nude photos of yourself, you should be able to do that...just do it for the right reasons. She strengthens her argument by posting pictures of classic artwork such as the Mona Lisa. While, yes, that piece of artwork is beautiful and clothed, there are MANY classic artworks that feature the model nude, including but not limited to the following:
Jules Lefebvre, Chloe, 1875
Michaelangelo, David, 1504
Michaelangelo, The Creation of Adam, 1509
Lucas Cranach, Venus and Cupid, 1509
No, you shouldn't post photos to MAKE yourself feel beautiful. You are already beautiful, in your own, natural skin. Why do people insist on making people feel ashamed of their own bodies and nakedness? I sleep naked and I love it!!
Here are some tasteful photos of nudity that I found on DeviantArt:
NUDITY IS NOT WRONG!!! IT'S BEAUTIFUL!!
It's been a long time since I've talked about this, but I think that I should now. I have a lot of new friends here that don't know much about me...and sometimes information about yourself needs to get recycled over the years. And I still have healing to do, so talking about it helps. Just to warn you, I'm going to go through a lot of details.
I grew up in a tumultuous environment. My dad and his girlfriend shot heroin, smoked pot, and drank a lot of alcohol. When I was 5 on, I was repeatedly molested. They would be distracted by their partying, and one of their friends would come into my room at night. I didn't start remembering any of this until I was a senior in high school, and I still don't remember anything. I don't remember much from before the age of 10.
Anyway.
At first, I would hide my tiny frame in between the mattress and the wall of my bunk bed. When that didn't work, I tried hiding under the bed. That didn't work either...he would always find me. Then I started hiding in the closet. That didn't work either. Then I started piling loud toys around me in the closet...plastic ones that would make a lot of noise when disrupted. I am not sure if that worked or not because the music was always loud.
I remember some flashes of the acts. He made me give him handjobs and blowjobs. He touched me. I don't remember if he ever raped me or not. Needless to say, after I started remembering these things, I developed a pretty serious case of PTSD. The memories didn't stop coming for a while. They came in the form of dreams and flashbacks. It was like a waterfall of nightmares. I fell into a very deep and dark depression that lasted for years. I started cutting to try and make myself feel normal.
Some of the things I went through with PTSD are the nightmares. I would wake up terrified, my heart racing and pounding, sweating, and breathing heavily. Only, there was nothing to remember. All I could remember was complete blackness from the dream. I was terrified, but what exactly was it that I was so scared of? I could only fall asleep in complete darkness. If I ever took a nap when it was still daylight, I would wake up freaking out, every time. I would be in shock for quite some time after awaking (I still have this problem). I don't like people touching me, even just a light touch on the shoulder. It makes me very uncomfortable and I tense up. Loud and sudden noises scare me more than they scare others. Sometimes it even starts a panic attack that lasts for hours.
Of course, there's the anxiety. It kind of goes in cycles. There will be times I get an attack every single day. At the present time, I only get attacks due to some kind of circumstance. Sometimes the attacks are very bad. It's hard to breathe. It feels like my lungs aren't big enough to have all the air I need. Many times my arms start tingling, and it's hard to explain, but it feels like my arms shouldn't be there when that happens. It's a very uncomfortable feeling, because of course I know that I should have arms. I know that if I concentrate on breathing evenly in and out when an attack first starts, I can usually curb it and it doesn't go any further than not being able to breathe. But if I have to do something else at the same time, such as working, it becomes very difficult to control the attack.
There are other effects of this molestation. My first two "relationships" were drunken events. I was drunk every time I had sex, because I couldn't handle sexual contact without being drunk and numbing my reactions to being touched. I still haven't had sex with a man, and I'm almost 26. I honestly don't know if I will be able to. This makes it very difficult for me to have a relationship. I don't know how I'm going to react the first time I have sex with a guy...if I'm going to have some kind of flashback or PTSD event or panic attack. This is why it's important for me to find someone that doesn't mind waiting, someone who will understand. I don't think I will ever find that.
Anyway, the point of this is that even though I obviously still have problems about it, I'm healing from this, and I will continue to. I could have let this take over my life completely. I could have become addicted to drugs or alcohol or both. I could be living on the streets, not going to college or anything. Instead, I'm working through this, and trying to make something of myself. I know that I have a lot of potential and a lot to offer.
If you've been through something similar, I know that you can be strong, and live your life. I know it's a hard road. It's one of the hardest roads one will have to travel, but getting through it is worth it. Don't give up the struggle of healing to live a normal life. There are better things out there, things filled with happiness. You just have to get through the dark parts first.
I believe in you.
Honestly. I'm constantly imagining situations that I want to happen, no matter how outlandish it may seem.
So. I've been a member of Anytime Fitness for a year and a half. A while back, they got a new manager, Kyle. He always smiled at me, asked me how I am, blah blah. But I kind of noticed he doesn't do that with everyone that walks in the door. Well, I was an infrequent visitor of the gym...once every couple of months at best. So I went in and said I need to cancel my membership. He convinced me not to, and I was like okay, I'll make more of an effort to be there. He's offered me free training more than once. When I found out that I was losing my job, I went in and said I need to cancel it for real, because I was about to become unemployed. He said that my membership was paid through December, and he would give me 2 months free membership, I could come in whenever I wanted. He again offered me free training.
Okay, this next part requires a background story. So, the first time I met Nick in a chat, the guy that brought us together "predicted" that Nick and I would be married in December. So as a joke, we changed our FB statuses to "engaged," hoping it would get back to this guy (which, it did). Anyway, as I was sitting in the office at Anytime Fitness, this lady who also works there, Star, came in the office and said, "Congratulations on your engagement!!" I was quite taken aback. I asked her how she knew about that, and she said she saw it on my facebook. Kyle didn't look happy at the news that I was apparently engaged. I quickly explained that it was a joke we were playing on someone, and he laughed about it. Then, I added, "But Nick and I did decide that we are dating," and Kyle lost the laugh and again looked like it was news that he didn't want to hear.
Just before Nick visited Kyle sent me an email, "checking in" and making sure I was okay. Then last week, he sent me another email telling me that they had just started a small group for people to work out, like 5 people. Kind of like a support group for fitness or something. So today I sent him an email back, asking if he was in today. He said yes, he was there until 7, but out of town the rest of the week. Soooo I put makeup on, just to go to the gym, and cancel my membership. I was under the impression that after the 2 free months I would have to start paying again, because I was pretty sure he had said I have to go in and really cancel it. Anyway, I went in, and when I first got there, there was someone else in the office, I guess it was another employee. Kyle asked me if I needed to talk to him privately, and he could have Chris leave. But I said that no, it wasn't anything personal. He said that it was already canceled. So, why did he tell me they had started a new work out group then if I wasn't even a member of the gym anymore? Then he went on to say that he had given me two free months and I never used it. He looked a bit bitter about that, maybe even his feelings were hurt a little. I mean, I'm sure they don't go and give free months of membership to everyone. I know he was doing me a favor, but I hadn't felt bad about not using the opportunity until I saw him today.
So I looked him up on Facebook through Star, and sent him a friend request. But, what if he's one of those people that is never on FB but has one? Should I write him an email? But I only have his work email, and he's out of town for the rest of the week. I'm pretty sure he's interested in me, what do you think?
Then my imagination goes crazy and I think about him asking me out to dinner... and I wonder why he's going out of town..to where, and if he's going with anyone. I always imagine things in my mind. And the thing is, whenever I imagine something happening, it's NEVER come true. Maybe my imagination is a curse.
So, my dad and my sister just told me that my cousin, Mat, is in big trouble. He was apparently caught up in a drug raid, and he's been charged with possession of meth, storing drug equipment in a house with children, and possessing drugs with the intent to sell in the presence of children. I don't think he lived there (I'm not sure), but they can still charge him because he was in the house when the raid occurred. The max penalty is 5 years in prison and a fine of $10,000. Apparently, the house was a disgusting mess, with trash lining the wall....how the fuck can you live with yourself, having kids in that situation? Some people just need to be shot. Thank god the 5 kids were taken into CPS custody (not my cousin's, he doesn't have kids).
I'm not entirely surprised this happened, though. He dropped out of high school and he's been in and out of jobs for years. He's had an unstable living condition, living with friends and moving all over the place. Apparently the raid happened on Friday.
Anyway, I just think it's ironic, because his mother, Karen, has always looked down her nose at us. She thinks that she's better than my father and our family because he used to do drugs and drink...but my dad has never been in trouble like this. She's just always had that attitude with us....that she's better. Kind of funny how life happens, isn't it? Now her son is the one that's in more serious trouble than our family has seen. I hope it knocks her down a couple of pegs.
We think that they are going to try and keep this news from the family, especially grandma. Poor grandma.
Anyway, just a bit of shocking news for the day O.o
What are you getting me?
Just kidding. I'm beginning to hate my birthdays, a sure sign of aging. And I am. I'll be 26 on the 21st. 4 years away from 30. I hate creeping towards 30. It makes me feel largely unaccomplished in life. A failure. I know everyone's like, "you're young!!" But I'm really not. We only perceive it that way because advances in medicine help us live longer than in the past. There's a reason we reach sexual maturity around the age of 13...because that's when human beings started having children. Our life span didn't used to be around 88 years old, it was about cut in half. Back in the day, I would be considered reaching old age. It's all a matter of perception and the times.
I feel old. So many people from my class in high school have children and are married, or just married. It's a year and a half away from our 10 year. And there will be me, no career, no boyfriend/husband, single and sloppy. The only thing that I can hope for is to be skinnier than I was in high school.
Speaking of that, I've lost 4 pounds since Monday. The work outs are tough and I can't finish them yet. But I will, the longer I'm doing it. Instead of pushing myself so hard like I usually do, I'm going at the pace I need to. At first, eating 5 times a day was a lot. I had to force myself to eat, because I wasn't hungry at all. I'm used to it now. I have my meals all written down on a piece of paper hanging on the fridge, and I check meals off as I eat. I have to keep on eye on the time so I can eat as evenly spaced as I can. I usually eat every 2.5-3 hours. I wouldn't be able to follow the meal plan if I was working, because it takes 45 minutes to an hour to prepare, eat, and clean up nearly every meal..obviously it depends on what I'm making. Protein shakes are one of the easier meals, it takes about 10 minutes. So far, the chicken was the longest.
Anyway, it's going well, the working out and eating. I haven't had a pop since Sunday and I have a headache, lol.
