So I stayed up until 2:30 in the morning, playing Lego Harry Potter (years 1-4). (side note: I once played that game then went to sleep and had a dream in which everything was made of legos and everything kept exploding to reveal coins. Don't judge)

So anyway, I woke up at about 10:30, in a panic. For some reason, I am still shaking. I don't even know what my dream was and why I'm so freaked out. It's a horrible feeling. I just want it to pass so I can start reading what I need to for class.

By the way, speaking of school work, I had a psych exam last night. I didn't start studying for it until last night, which was a big mistake, because I realized I should have started studying days ago. Anyway. I took the test and after everyone was finished we went over it in class to see how we did. I got 46/50 correct. However, the test is apparently worth 80 points, so I don't even know how to figure it out. He also grades on a curve. So. He said that the 40's will most likely be an A. The mid to upper 30's a B, and so on. So I'm pretty sure I got an A for the first psych exam even though I started studying too late. Next time I'm definitely starting early to avoid the multiple panic attacks I had over it. WITH note cards. Damnit.

3 out of the 4 I got wrong I was questioning if they were right as I was taking it. Anyway, last week I took a quiz in human origins (he doesn't give exams, only 15 question quizzes, thank god. And, no final cumulative exam), and I got 14/15 correct. I'm sure the one I got wrong was the one I sat and stared at and questioned myself about. I'll find out tomorrow if that's true or not.

Anyway, still trying to feel better after waking up to a panic attack.....

I got my student loan money on Friday. I immediately set about paying off debts. I paid a high amount on 2 credit cards (leaving about $1300 in debt between the two) and completely paid off the third. I also paid my phone bill that I was 2 months behind on. I paid my lasik bill that I was 2 months behind on. I paid $400 toward my car payment, even though I only owed $203.51 for the payment. I also got everything back from the pawn shop. I must say it feels great having all my stuff back!!!

So now, I think I'm going to wait for my taxes to pay off the rest of my credit card debt. I'm going to put a large amount into a savings account, and hopefully I can live off of unemployment money for my basic bills and needs. We'll see how it goes, I guess.

It's bittersweet, paying off debt. I mean, it's nice paying it off, but it hurts every time I see the amount in my account go down when I balance my ledger.

Anyway, I'm going to go play some guitar hero, because I've missed it, lol.

I am taking three classes this semester: General Psychology, Intro to Sociology, and Human Origins. All of these subjects are related in that they all deal with people. The study of the human mind, the study of people and how they interact with their societies, and studying life among the first humans.

It was actually in the middle of the sociological readings that I had to pause and write this post. In the reading, the author talks about the differences between troubles, which are personal, and issues, which are a societal problem. He talks about unemployment. If in a city of 100,000 one man is unemployed, that is a personal problem. But in a country of 50 million (this was written in 1959) 15 million are unemployed, that is a societal issue.

So let's move back a little bit. This made me think of my class Human Origins. In the beginning societies, the populations of different peoples were much smaller. The communities generally took care of of the population of their peoples in different ways, and everyone contributed. Everyone had a job to do. There wasn't an issue such as unemployment in those days.

So as we've progressed through the ages, the sense of community has greatly changed; the population has grown, and societies have changed. So, now, then, we have the problem that our population is so great that not everyone has the opportunity to have a job. And in a society where monetary value is the only thing that counts in living a decent life, that makes it a societal issue. It is nearly impossible for a person to live off the land and rely on having no income to survive. Is one going to hunt their own meat? It's not too hard to grow produce, but a person needs meat. And what kind of home is a person going to live in? Every home in modern society has break downs that require money to fix (the furnace goes out, the water heater goes out, etc). Is one going to live in a shanty in the woods? Then there's the issue of OWNING that land. Back in the beginning of time, owning land with money didn't exist. Sure, tribes were territorial, but no one had to pay for that land. Then owning that land in the woods where your shanty is, you owe property taxes.

So, yes, unemployment is a societal issue. Shouldn't it then, be considered that society should take care of these unfortunate individuals who are unemployed? And to those of you of say "there are jobs out there," one only needs to look at the pay rate of those so called jobs. Most of the jobs that are out there don't pay enough for a person and their family to live on. They would still qualify for government assistance. Which, is still society helping those who are less fortunate.

Just my two cents on unemployment.

I've read the same two sentences about 5 times. I get to the end of the second sentence when I realize that I'm reading the words without digesting the information. Then I start over. And over. And over....

Why is this happening? This is for an online class, so I have to do all the readings. There isn't much of a lecture, only a brief overview of what we will be reading....so who knows what's going to be on the exams?? So I have to do all the readings. But I can't concentrate. I'm even playing classical music to help. And I'm not even distracted by anything!! Damnit.

Does/has this ever happened to you when you do school work?? What the hell do you do about it??

I couldn't think of a title so I just used the lyrics that I'm listening to at the moment by Florence + the Machine.

I'm sorry, I've been a terrible Xangan for the last week. Well, 8 days....

So my boyfriend came to town Tuesday morning, and the very first thing we did was sleep together. (If you're thinking we had sex, get your minds out of the gutter!!! ) We simply slept in my bed, because his bus came in at 6 something and I just needed more sleep. Tuesday I got my camera back from the pawn shop!! This only added to my debt to Nick, however. But I was very happy to get it back. I've got some pictures, but I still haven't put them on the computer. Tuesday we had an early dinner with Tony and Cody at Olive Garden. It was a very good time, and I've missed them. Then we went to the Timberwolves game that night and it was pretty awesome even though we lost.

Wednesday we watched a whole bunch of movies and Thursday we went to the Science Museum of MN and watched a couple of iMax movies. It was pretty sweet. Friday we went out with Cody and some of our friends. We went to Dave and Busters, and that was a good time too. Wings and beer!! Saturday we went to Rochester and had lunch with my mom and step dad and dinner with some of my high school friends. Sunday we went to MOA (Mall of America) and went on some rides, which are pretty frickin awesome!!! Sunday night we went to the casino for dinner at the buffet. And finally, yesterday was just an us day. We spent the whole day cuddling and making out. Dropping him off at the bus was hard, but I knew that it won't be long before I see him again. I should see him next month some time, hopefully!! I miss him, and not being next to him all the time. He's so cute when he sleeps

I wish that we could sleep next to each other every night.

In less than 24 hours, my boyfriend is going to be here!!!!

I've been working very hard on organizing and cleaning my room, and I think it looks pretty fantastic. I've also been slaving away cleaning the bathroom. I do these kinds of things like procrastinating the couple of days before because I don't want to clean like this more than once since I knew he was coming to town.

I have to go out and buy some laundry detergent because I still have 2 loads of laundry to do. Annnd I have to clean my car. But I'm really sick of cleaning, so I might do a half assed job at that or less. If I win the lottery can I have a maid????

We are going to be so busy for the 6 days he's going to be here. Tomorrow night we may or may not have an early dinner with Cody and Tony and then we are going to the basketball game... MN at Chicago. Wednesday we are going to the Science Museum of MN and we are going to watch a couple iMax movies and roam the museum. That night I have class. Thursday and Friday I'm not too sure of plans, but he also wants to go to the casino and out with a group of my friends. Saturday we are going down to Rochester for dinner with my high school friends and hopefully see my mom and sister and step dad. Sunday we are spending the day at the mall and having lunch with my sister and her boyfriend at Hooters or Bdubs then staying there for the Giants game. Monday I'm not too sure of plans.

Soooo, I am super excited to finally get to cuddle with my sweetie and watch movies whenever we can!!!

I also have class tonight and I need to go to the book store to buy a book I didn't know was required

They had gotten into a fight on the way home from the restaurant. She didn't even remember what it was about. She only knew that she was angry. As soon as he pulled the car into the garage she was out, her heels smartly clacking on the cement. She heard his car door slam and he called her name in a dark tone. She pretended not to hear him and walked into the house. She didn't take her heels off, and they echoed in the dark kitchen. She could sense him right behind her and gasped when he grabbed her and jerked her around to face him.

"Don't you ever walk away from me," he growled, his tone sending shivers down her spine. He grasped her chin and forced his lips on hers, tight and hard. She bit his lip and he tightened his grip around her waist. She could feel him through his trousers and she again she gasped. He backed her up to the counter and kissed her again, not as hard but still fierce. She was still angry and resisted him. He held her arms behind her with one hand and with the other shoved her dress up to her middle. He yanked her wet panties down and sat her on the counter.

He released her arms and she unbuttoned his shirt and roughly yanked it off his shoulders then lifted his undershirt off. She wanted his bare skin to rake her angry nails down. He bent his head and bit her breast, not too gently. She nearly screamed with pleasure and her body was racked with tremors. She scratched his back and he growled, again claiming her mouth. As the kiss deepened, she unbuttoned his trousers and slid down the zipper. She let them fall to his ankles and pushed down his boxers. As soon as his cock was free and relentlessly pushed himself inside her, biting her at the same time. Hard and fast strokes and she scratched him again. She wrapped her legs around him and hooked her stiletto heeled feet together. She loudly exclaimed as he continued driving into harder than before. Sweat collected and she moaned loudly as the orgasm violently claimed them both. They were both breathing hard as he slowly withdrew from her, and they gently kissed.

I have things to write about today but I just can't. Something's wrong with me. I woke up from a nightmare over an hour ago and I'm still shaking.... my mind isn't in the right place. Maybe later, I will be able to entertain you guys....

You know how sometimes time passes so slowly and you're so bored you wish you had a shotgun so you can paint the walls with your brains?

That's how it feels when I'm not talking to my boyfriend. Well, I don't want to shoot myself in the head, obviously, but I just don't know what to do with myself. I have things that I need to do, or should do, but I don't want to do them. I feel like I watch time like a hawk until I talk to him again. I constantly know what time it is. Minutes are so long, aren't they? When you look at the clock multiple times, but it still says the same time? It's like a bad dream that won't go away, one where you're stuck in a time paradox.

You know how sometimes time passes so quickly you literally have no idea where it went?

That's how it feels when I talk to Nick. I can easily let 2 hours pass by without knowing. I hardly ever look at the time when I'm talking to him. 10 hours slip by, and it feels like an hour. Before I know it, it's 3:30 in the morning and I'm only starting to feel tired, when we started talking at 6. It's then that I wish time would slow down, because it's going too fast. I could talk to him for another 10 hours, if only I wasn't so tired. Have you ever felt like you could talk to someone for forever? I feel that way with him.

I didn't announce it on Xanga, but I'm thinking about starting to make candles to sell. So I bought a candle making kit at Michael's, and yesterday I made them. Here's how it went!!

This is what my work station looked like. The kit came with the materials to make 2 candles. I also bought a book on making candles. So there's the wick tabs, candle thermometer, soy wax, a pen and a pencil, tacky wax, and the color and scent blocks.

The book recommends placing wax paper underneath everything at your wax station. On the back of the stove is an old glass pan lined with wax paper, which the book suggests to pour the extra wax out.

This is the double boiler I bought. The bottom hold water that boils, and the top is where you put the wax to melt.

Step one is actually washing the container you are going to pour the candle into.

Next, you take the tacky wax, about a pea-sized amount, and secure the wick tab to the bottom of the glass.

In order for the wick to stay centered, tie the wick to a pencil or pen and make it taught. This was a little difficult, as the tacky wax wasn't strong enough to keep the tab at the bottom of the glass. It took a few attempts to get it right.

I used this pen for the second candle. I would recommend using a pencil, because of the sides. The smoothness of the pen made it more difficult to to secure the wick.

I decided to color my candles blue. With soy wax, it doesn't take to color too well, and most of your candles will look pastel in color.

I first chopped up the blue color block. Doing this will make the melting faster instead of placing the entire block into the melted wax.

The white block was the scent block. The scent provided with the kit was vanilla. It's recommended to chop this up as well so it melts faster.

This is the wax melting. The wax needs to reach 180 degrees.

Next the blue color slivers are added.

The color needs to be mixed well into the melted wax.

Next, the scent slivers are added to the melted wax. This also needs to be stirred well.

The wax is then carefully and slowly poured into the glass containers once it cools to 140 degrees.

The box recommends leaving some wax at the end.

After only 5 minutes, the wax was already hardening.

The box says to that after half and hour to an hour, poke holes that are 1 3/4" deep to release air.

Then heat the remaining wax to 140 degrees, and pour to fill the holes.

After letting the candles cool for 4 hours, this is what it looked like.

I don't like using scent blocks. The scent isn't as strong, and I've read that using essential oils for the scent is a lot more effective.

I didn't like poking holes in the candles, because it didn't look right. I need to do some research on soy candles, but I don't think I will do this in the future.

I am planning on buying just a few supplies and experimenting a little bit before I decide to sell them. Nick created a spreadsheet for me to track my supply costs and profits. He also said that if the testing phase goes well, he might invest in my little company ^_^

I need to do more research on the cost of supplies from different websites, and I need to think of a name for my company. I also need to research what scents I want to play with, because there's so many to choose from.

If anyone has any any recommendations or suggestions for me, please let me know!! And would you buy any candles? I plan on setting up an Etsy page if all goes well.