My mom is being dramatic and crazy about me owing her $200 from 4 years ago when she isn't paying for my sister's phone line NOW. what. the. fuck.

Whatever.

I've lost a total of 11 pounds =]

I busted my ass in the gym today. It was a pretty good day, other than my mother. Well, I don't know when I'll troll Xanga because I need to find some new work out music, so it will be a little later I think... =]

Yes, you read that right. Being gay is just as natural as being straight. And I will tell you why.

Did you know that the male G spot is up the ass? Yes, that's right. It's right up your butthole... the prostate.

Now, I wonder WHY, exactly, would the MALE G spot, for sexual pleasure, would be up the butt. HMMMMM.

You think, maybe, it's because it's natural to be gay? How else, back in the day, would a man get stimulated in the G spot?

SEX WITH EACH OTHER, OF COURSE!!! Woah. WHAT a revelation!

So, for further discussion, for men, why is it so hard to believe that a man would want to be with another man? The thing I hear the most is that the asshole is OUT only. Sooooo. By definition, it would ALSO make a FEMALE'S asshole OUT only, correct? However, how many times have I heard men say they like anal sex with women? HMMMMM. QUITE hypocritical, I would say.

So. It's just as natural to be a lesbian as it is to be straight. This one is pretty straightforward. Let's face it. As women, we know more what we want and how to give it to another woman than a man does. We can have more pleasure with another female... unless you find a man who knows just what he's doing down there.

Of course, I am including everyone in the LGBT community in this, so don't feel left out =]

She left her heart in the freezer.

She didn't mean to. It just kind of happened, one day. She tried to warm it up. For a while. The microwave couldn't heat it up. The oven did nothing. She took the frozen thing in her hands. It was so, so cold.

He bumped into her and took it from her hands. He dropped it on the stone, where it shattered. She only watched it fall, in slow motion. From his hands. Passively wondering what she should do now.

She left it there, in a million pieces. Each piece held a part of her and she was lost. She wandered, for a long time. Through dark hallways and shadowed paths she stumbled along, clutzy without her heart. It was gone, and she had to learn how to survive. She didn't feel anything when she fell down. She only started to crawl to the finish line. Barely moving, inch by numb inch.

The hallways started growing less and less dark, and the paths less and less full of shadows. She found herself beside her heart again, broken and frozen. She stared down at it while the dawn came near.

Someone came alongside her. He stared for a while at her heart. He bent down and started repairing it, piece by cold piece. The fragments started warming in his hands. Sometimes he destroyed her heart again, only to see if she would repair it on her own this time. She tried but fumbled with shaking hands. He put his hands over hers and continued rebuilding it.

Soon, she saw that it was whole and warm and open. She wondered how it had happened. She peered at her heart, resting carefully in his hands. It was beating and alive. She wondered for how long.

She feared leaving her heart in the freezer again.

I fucking hate crying, and yet here I sit, in tears.

Today, Cody told me that he thinks I should be a writer. He told me I need to sit down, write a novel, and get published. He said, "You write a poem about me, and I'll write a poem about you." I told him I can't, because I don't know what I would say. He kept goading me about it, and I finally said, "I know what you're doing. You're trying to push me. So would it make you happy if I just wrote a story, not about you?" He said yes.

But I can't write. I've been sitting here for an hour, trying to think of something to write. I can't fucking do it, and it's tearing me up inside. I try writing a sentence and it sounds horrible. I try writing a sentence, and I don't know what to do next. This is why I stopped writing. I'm not good enough.

The other day I was talking to Cody about things. He said, "Your heart is always broken." He was talking more about how compassionate I am about things, but it kind of made me think a little bit.

A long time ago, I closed my heart. I was so hurt and so broken, I thought it would be best if I just stopped feeling. So that's what I did. I shut down my heart. I didn't care about anyone or anything, not even myself. I just... was. I was on autopilot, saying and doing the right things, but with a heaviness that weighed me down. I was lost inside but my heart was frozen, locked. I thought it was the best way to protect myself from the world.

Then something happened that I didn't expect... and at first I didn't even want it. Someone comes along that unfreezes my heart. Who forces me to feel again. I'm still learning how to deal with an open heart again, because it's been so long since I've allowed myself to feel. So I guess right now, my heart IS broken all the time. I need to re-learn how to process everything. I guess I need to re-learn how to toughen my heart but not keep it frozen. It's hard work, trying to figure these things out.

I don't ever want to close my heart again, but for right now, my heart is always broken.

Just wondering what your favorite porn site is. You may answer below.

Every day on my way to work, I encounter a yield sign entering the freeway. However, the yield sign is not for me, it is for the OTHER street using the same on ramp. A yield sign, ladies and gentlemen, looks like this:

See it? Do you know what it means?

Let me explain this to you.

If you have a yield sign, it means that you do not have the right of way. It means that YOU HAVE TO STOP AND WAIT for the person who DOES have the right of way. Usually this happens because you don't have enough time to get up to speed... to the same speed as the person barreling down the on ramp.

Almost every day, I encounter someone who doesn't know what this sign means, and just goes. If I don't take some sort of action, this will surely result in an accident. Either I have to slam on my brakes (if I do, I'll be so far up your ass you'll wanna shit your pants), or I have to accelerate faster than I already was. Just so I don't hit you. Me, the person who has the right of way on the road. I have to be the one to do something so I don't hit YOU. Do you see where I'm going with this?

So if it's not icy or snowy on the roads, I will get my car so close to yours and so close to almost being an accident you'll shit your pants. And you know what? SERVES YOU FUCKING RIGHT. Because you are in the wrong. Obviously, you should not have a driver's license if you can't follow the rules of the road signs. I honestly don't give a fuck if you think that I'm taking it too far. There are far too many people out there driving who SHOULDN'T BE, and I want to make them aware of that.

SO FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, PLEASE REC THIS POST SO THAT EVERYONE CAN LEARN WHAT THIS SIGN MEANS:

So the next time you see that sign, you'll know what it means, and you won't get into an accident. Or an almost accident.

And here's to everyone who doesn't know how to drive:

Gravy, I tagged you because I thought you would be able to appreciate this post.

Maybe I should write posts on how to drive all the time, because I see so many people being stupid on the roads. And I have to drive a lot, because my friends and family live all across the metro area, and I have to drive about 17-19 miles to work one way (a lot less than some people, I know)... but if I come across traffic, it takes longer than the normal 25 minutes.