December 29, 2010
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Chain of Events
Okay, I feel the need to review what happened yesterday, everything, so that I can understand it.
Sometimes, Cody aggravates me so much that I punch him in the arm. Just for fun, not to be serious. Anyway, we were all joking around and I punched him in the arm and Josh goes, “Geez Crystal, you’re so abusive.” So then Cody said, “Yeah Crystal, why are you so abusive?” I didn’t say anything, and given my history with all kinds of abuse, I took it seriously. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I really couldn’t help it. It made me feel like I was literally no better than my mother. It made me feel so horrible. I didn’t talk to anyone for a while and after lunch, I hid in the bathroom for 40 minutes and cried. Then we had a meeting so we went up to the conference room and waited for our boss. Cody started writing on the white board, playing hangman. He kept trying to get me to participate. I said, “oo, don’t talk to the abuser.” Cody said, “Crystal, you are not an abuser.”
Tony was like, what? So then Cody says, “We were teasing Crystal about being an abuser and she took it to heart, for obvious reasons.” I think up until that point, no one knew what was wrong with me. Even though Cody understood what was going on, I was still very upset and I didn’t talk to anyone for the rest of the day. Then I tried putting it out of my mind until I cut myself like a zombie. This morning my skin and scabs and forming scar tissue burned in the shower and hurt and it was my reminder of what I had done. It was a mistake.
I still didn’t talk to anyone this morning, for hours. I sat and stared like a zombie in a trance. There hasn’t been anything to do at work all week, so yeah. Then I started looking up how to do origami (not easy, let me tell you). I failed with 2 out of 3 things I tried to make. Anyways. On the first thing I tried, an airplane that looks like a heart, I got stuck. So I asked Tony for help, and it was the first time I had spoken all day. After that, things kind of got better, but I was still very guarded.
At the end of the day, Cody kept sticking his hands in my face, trying to get me to hit him. I don’t know why he would do that, considering it had made me so upset. I think he was testing me, to see how the situation had effected me.
Anyway, that’s what happened. Even joking, being told that I was an abuser upset me greatly.
Sometimes, I just wish he would say sorry for upsetting me, because he knows he does (even though, this time it wasn’t exactly his fault, but still).
On a final note, I have a four day weekend =]
Comments (4)
well…at least you have a four day weekend
throw a drink in his face. go.
Girl. I have been reading your blog now and then, for a while. You’re a hard worker. You’ve been holding a steady job consistently, in the middle of a big, nasty recession. Your employers (who obviously is not this Cody) is the one with the money and wants you there.
I have a few subordinates who hate my guts and about 1 guy who is sort of on the same level with me but not really. My father runs our business and then there were 2 other people higher than me and one of them (who weighs 340 pounds and is an obnoxious bully) just semi-retired so he’s only around 1 week out of 6 and doesn’t have nearly as much power anymore. The other one is a whiny dwarf with Hep C, in remission. As for the guy who is on the same level as me, our pet name for him at home is Lurvy (the guy who feeds slops to the pigs in Charlotte’s Web.) I once caught Lurvy bating on Saturday afternoon, he was literally jerking to a Strawberry catalogue, he had it opened to a page with a brunette model with plaid pants going laaaa and I could see what he was doing behind that desk from 50 feet away…he pulled his pants up those hairy nerd legs of his in a hurry. The nerd thought he was alone…I startled him…you think I go in the bathroom and CRY when I insult these animals? Fuck no.
You go punch yourself in the head like I do, when you’ve REALLY fucked something up, like with your own bank account, or tripping over your own two feet or ripping an expensive suit by accident or something, and DON’T cut yourself jesus fuck do you wanna have to pay a DOCTOR to suture your cuts? DOCTORS GRRRRR a fucking doctor told me I needed a HEARING AID the other day on the telephone and I felt like going to his office with a pickaxe and sinking it into his crooked fucking brain. Oh yes he treated me for that polyp that I had a few months ago successfully and I was very happy with that but he wanted to OVERTREAT and he’s an EENT guy, none of them has won the Nobel Prize in medicine anytime recently. You gotta know when enough’s enough no matter how sparkly and clever somebody thinks they are.
I promise I will not try to convince the pseudo-powers that be in my office to hire Cody away from your company anytime soon. That much I can promise you.
Whining little asshat…put a stop payment on his paycheck and then he’ll be justified in whining that you are “abusing” him. Ruffruffruffruffruff!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Maybe in the bedroom some of my sexual fantasies take a much more submissive turn than does my persona at work…I’m told that’s not unusual…)