August 19, 2010
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Strength
People often tell me that I am strong.
But what does this mean, exactly? What parameters dictate what strength is, and who has it?
When you tell someone that they are strong, why are you saying this? What thoughts run through your head? Do you say this because you’ve experienced something similar and can relate? Do you think about the person’s experiences and say to yourself, “wow, I could never survive that.”?
When a person goes through something terrible, they are broken. There’s a part of them that’s just so broken, and it hurts. It hurts for a long time. People repair themselves the best they can, but there’s a small piece that will always hurt, and be fractured.
Are we strong because we repair our hurts the best we can? Are we strong because we are survivors? What’s a survivor? Someone who doesn’t kill themselves? Who doesn’t turn to drugs, alcohol, crime, etc.?
When someone tells you that you are strong, did you actually feel strong before then? Does that person’s words make you realize how strong you are?
Sometimes, even the strong feel weak. Those hurts come back full force and there’s doubt. Do those moments of weakness negate your strength?
I think people are strong because I know what it takes to find some sense of normalcy. It’s hard. Even if you find that, you are never the same. Even survivors never come away the same. You are a survivor if you learn from it and heal as much as you can and grow.
I am a survivor. I am strong.
And so are you.
Comments (18)
You are strong because it did not destroy you. You are strong because you were able to come out of it all with your values intact. You are strong because you are better for it than worse. You survived without becoming an abuser yourself. That is what makes you strong.
There are different kinds of strengths. And some people are just weak. They sway with the crowd, they crumble under pressure. They choose to fall. Or, even more sad, they never knew how to lean on the One Who can bring them through all things.
My only strength is Jesus Christ. Yes, I can identify with some of the things you say. Others I have no idea the horror of enduring. But my personal struggle, I would have surly killed myself or became a drug addict had it not been for the Holy Spirit calming my spirit. Everything good in me is due to Him. Some people say that is a crutch. Well, when I am broken I need a crutch. My crutch makes me strong.
Rocks. Rocks are strong. And other things.
i’m tough, yes. watch out.
Well said.
“What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger..” We survive because we are strong and we are stronger because we’ve survived.
You are strong. Everyone is strong in there own way. I love this post.
this was honestly the best thing ive read all day.
this was well put and it made me thinkk
Yes you are. You know it.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said “I think people are strong because I know what it takes to find some sense of normalcy.” Some of us have been through horrible experiences where it would be understandable if those experiences colored every aspect of our lives, where it showed through on the outside. However, gaining that sense of normalcy (or whatever is considered normal by you) isn’t so much about hiding the pain (although some people may choose to do that) as it is about steering the pain away from controlling our words and actions. We’ve all known people who are hot messes for some reason or another and there’s always someone around saying “(S)he’s that way because of ‘such and such’ that happened to her/him as a child.” I think if someone has to excuse your actions with that caveat, you’re not a strong person, you still have some ways to go. However, it’s perfectly understandable if people emerge from horrible experiences not being strong, but weak (and I don’t mean that term to sound disparaging, just the opposite of strong). It’s not our place to judge someone who may be weak…it’s our place to help others become the best person they can be. If we see strong people once in a while, it just makes it even more remarkable that it is possible to live a life of normalcy .
This by far one of my favorite posts of yours.
It’s a long, complicated conversation, but I feel like touching the tip of the iceberg. Whenever I call someone “strong”, it’s not always for the same reasons. One person could be considered strong by me because they’ve suffered through something so terrible that would have me crippled on the floor, but they’re standing tall, worrying about their friends and family. They both give everyone a should to lean on and aren’t afraid to ask for a should to lean on when they know they need it.
Another reason could be that someone found out something or heard something that would otherwise utterly devastate me or make me question everything I know. They brush it off nonchalantly.
Very different reasons and very badly described paragraphs. But hey, what should I expect after waking up 10 minutes ago?
Very nicely done.
I do think that survival one of the more important factors in how strong I think someone is, but I also know just how devastating it can be when for all we have survived something pulls our success out from under us and we have to fight back to survive, again. Yes, we have been broken, but we learn things that others don’t understand, we learn that we are far more capable than we thought.
Survival alone doesn’t make us strong. I see plenty of people who simply survive. I think we are strong when we take our broken selves and make our lives better, despite the pain, fear and work.
I’ve seen you do this, seen you take your life and become more beautiful and sure…
Well done.
Absolutely.
Great post; you are strong because you don’t let life’s difficult times break you down.
I’ve been told by many that I am also very strong. I agree with them, honestly because I know how far I’ve come. I don’t think my experiences would affect anyone else any differently. They would come out of those experiences equally as strong, I think, but in a different way, since we are all different.
Hard to say what’s strong but only by what we define it for ourselves.
Strength is equivalent to wisdom in my eyes.
this is a very complex construct. one can tell someone else “be strong” or “you’re strong” but I think the person is only that way if they feel it themselves.
I also think there are weak people. Like my father, who never even tried to quit drinking and died of alcoholism at age 44. I definitely think there are people, in this lifetime, who have a fatal weakness that will kill them.
Interesting topic!
I think you can’t be strong unless you are also clever, and have a heart.
You hit the nail on the head, hunnie. Thank you for this wonderful post. It really made me feel like I can keep going, keep waking up in the morning and keep trying to find some unbroken piece of myself.
I loved this post….I’ve been told I was “strong” and I’ve wondered the same thing…why did people think I was strong?…it was mostly told to me when I was caring for my mom during her illness and dealing with everything after she passed….I’m not as “strong” as people think I am and it’s showing now as I try to deal with a breakup of a 7 year relationship…..I’m going to keep coming back to this post though, because it really “speaks” to me…..