There's this chick at work who is completely adorable. She's tall and thin with big boobs and a heart shaped face. A truck driver said to someone once, "I wonder if she'd like to go halfsies on a baby." BEST line EVERRR!!!!!

Anyway, I just pulsed about it, but my cousin had her baby today. He's 8.8 pounds, 21 inches. My uncle sent me a pic, but I can't find the cord to connect my phone to the computer =[

For the last couple of years, every time I see a baby or little kids, I get this overwhelming feeling that I want a baby. It's like a maternal instinctual feeling. It's hard to explain, it's something I feel in my heart.

So I love sad songs, that sound haunting. Sometimes I get in the mood to sit and listen to these songs, and let myself feel melancholy. Then, I move on.

I keep searching for sad songs that sound haunting, and it's not often I find one haunting by my standards. Let me explain.

This first song is my new favorite song. It's Paradise Circus by Massive Attack, featuring Hope Standoval (who also the voice behind Mazzy Star, if you didn't know). I first heard this song in the True Blood episode this last Sunday. I typed up the lyrics in my phone and googled it later. I think this song is haunting because of the melody and Hope's voice sounds haunting. The lyrics also help the package deal.

This song is The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice. I literally fell in love with this song the first time I watched the movie Closer. Every time I heard it, my heart would race. Damien's voice really goes well with this song in making it sound melancholy. Parts of it sound haunting, but not all of it. The violin helps with this sound as well. The lyrics are also really sad.

This is Naked As We Came by Iron and Wine. This song isn't as haunting, but it still sounds melancholy. I think his soft voice helps this sound a lot. I haven't heard many of their songs, but I've heard they are very good.

This is Into Dust by Mazzy Star. Remember how I said Hope Standoval is the voice of this band? Her soft voice sounds haunting in almost all the songs she sings. The melody of this song also helps the haunting effect.

This is Puddle of Grace by Amy Jo Johnson. The studio version sounds a lot more haunting, but I could only find the version from the show Felicity. I love Amy Jo Johnson, whatever happened to her? =[

Hallelujah sung by Jeff Buckley sounds really haunting to me. His sad-sounding voice and the melody work really well together.

Breathe Me by Sia. This song is genius. I've only heard this song by Sia, but I would like to hear more. Her voice and the melody make this song sound haunting.

Moonlight Sonata by Beethovan. This song was written for his true love, a student of his. It sounds very haunting to me. I think maybe it sounds like this is because he loved her and he couldn't have her.

Star No Star by Jack Off Jill. This isn't nearly as haunting as other songs, but it does the job, in my opinion. The melody is a bit harsher than other songs on this list, but that's okay.

Memories by Within Temptation. I love her voice. It's so sweet sounding and a bit sad in most of their songs. The melody also sounds sad.

My Immortal by Evanescence. I love Amy Lee, and her voice is so beautiful. This song is a bit haunting because of that and the melody.

Now that you've heard the songs I find haunting, can you recommend some sad songs I might like?

So I've been hinting that I want to leave Xanga. Maybe take a break. I've said it's because of the drama, and I feel like I should explain this in further detail so that it's better understood.

For those of you who have been my friend for awhile, you may have heard this before.

Growing up, I've had a really hard life. I was molested as a young child, I've been moved around and around the state, I've never lived in one place more than 2 1/2 years. EVER. My parents divorced and were drug addicts and alcoholics. There were verbal assaults and fist fights around me. I've lived in really bad neighborhoods. I've been mercilessly teased most of my school career. I was pretty much raising my sisters when I was in high school because my mom was too busy disappearing for days at a time and shoving cocaine up her nose. I got them ready for school EVERY DAY and I did the grocery and school supply shopping.

After I graduated high school I was in a state of depression that frightens me to this day. I was a walking zombie who cut herself. I was in a waking dream, a haze. I never really dealt with everything I had been through, and it all caught up to me at the same time.

Suffice it to say, I have lived in a pretty much CONSTANT state of chaos for the first 22 or 23 years of my life. I don't need any more drama. I've had enough to last a lifetime.

It took A LOT to wake myself up from this. I worked VERY hard to become a positive person. It's hard enough for me to deal with my mother still and her insanity, and keeping a positive attitude is tough. I turned my life around, and I eliminated as much negativity as I could.

The behavior of xangans lately is appalling. It's disgusting. It's poisonous.

If you haven't noticed, I haven't been visiting many xanga posts lately. I'm scared to click anything because I don't know what I'm going to read. Negativity like this spreads inside of me, and soon I will find that I am the person that I used to be, and I've worked too hard to let that happen.

I don't attack people for personal gain. I find that kind of behavior deplorable and immature.

I am still unsure if I am going to leave or take a break. If things don't improve, I probably will. My mental health does not need this.

She wore 5 inch stilettos and her rail thin frame leaning against the street lamp on the darkened street corner with bags under her eyes that her heavy makeup could barely hide and one of them freshly black and blue because she had been hit again but it was nothing new because she had been hit before.

Her body shook because she needed another fix and she needed to numb her thoughts once more because everything was starting to creep up on her again and all she wanted was that feeling back where she felt nothing and thought nothing and just wanted to pass out because she was overcome with exhaustion yet again.

Dawn was starting to break as she sashayed down the street and even though she was so weary she could still sell it and that's the one thing in her entire life that she could be proud of because she was such a failure and could never do anything right according to everyone she had ever met.

Her johns and pimp beat her but she welcomed the pain with open arms every time because she craved anything that took her mind off of this as she would take another hit and another needle into her arm and sink into that familiar feeling again and felt nothing and thought nothing just like she wanted in the first place and she passed out from exhaustion and she never woke up.

I just read Dan's post, and this is my response.

I love Dan. He's a great guy. We've talked quite a bit in private messages. You just have to understand his sarcasm, otherwise his posts will really piss you off.

He claims that people get more comments on their posts if the post is shedding him in a negative light. Well, I refuse to do such a thing.

I don't really give a flying fuck about comments on this post, if that is true. I would rather write a positive post and get 0 comments than write a hateful one and get 200 comments.

I'm sick of this bullshit. I've really had enough.

You know what? If you have a problem with somebody, settle it in a fucking private message. Don't write a shit ton of posts about it airing your bullshit all around the place.

Sure, drama is entertaining every once in a while, but every fucking day there's some douche writing about why they don't like some other douche and what happened then there's a stupid response post then a response post to the response post. Come on, really? And it's a shit ton of people doing it, every goddamn day, and it's fucking ridiculous. Grow the fuck up, people.

I'm seriously considering taking a break from Xanga until all the fucktards get the fuck off.

Fuck all ya'll.

Peace the fuck out bitches....until people seriously grow the fuck up and stop acting like ten year olds on a power trip.

So all this last week, a whole bunch of us from work had plans.

Friday night, we were going to the bar, and Saturday some of us were going to Bruce's house and he was going to grill. Fun!

Friday after work, a whole bunch of people from work showed up at the bar. From 4-6 it was happy hour. Oh, yay. Well, we got VERY out of control. There were pitchers upon pitchers of beer ordered, wings, shots, and mixed drinks. I don't know how much I drank, because my cup kept getting mysteriously filled with beer. Every time I drank some, it was full again. I swear, after a while I wasn't pouring my own beer because I wouldn't have been able to. We are moving warehouses, and a whole bunch of us were "visitors" from the other facility. In this other warehouse, there are some bitches! For some reason, they didn't like Katie.

So Katie was pretty buzzed when she went over to the other table and talked to Shelly about whatever. Anna, on the other hand, wouldn't have any of it. Pretty bitchy, yeah? So we drank some more and Katie grabbed my face and kissed my cheek. So I kissed her cheek. Then, she grabbed my face and put it in her boobs. Motorboat!! Yeah! She did it again a little later and I might have grabbed her boob once or twice... She also put Nick's face in her boobs a few times, sat on his lap.

We are a VERY perverted group of people. Dirty, nasty jokes about each other, humping tables, yelling, loudness, laughing. At least we were out on the patio!

So we drank some more.

Nick was talking to this guy's girlfriend on the phone and causing trouble. I don't know what was said, but now this guy's girlfriend wants to break up with him.

So we drank some more.

My stomach STILL hurts from laughing SO fucking HARD Friday night. It was a really great, wild, crazy time.

And we drank some more.

Then, this guy Jesse that works in a different building than I do was ALL OVER ME. Grabbing my ass a few times, putting his arm around my waist, showing me porn on his phone, talking about eating pussy and some other stuff about tits. He told me several times that I had nice tits. Sooo.

Well, when I drink I become somewhat loose. I say dirty sexy things and flirt shamelessly (or, perhaps, shameFULLY). This is simply normal behavior on my part, so I honestly didn't think anything of it all night long while this was going on.

Well, it got to the point where Jesse and I were the only ones left. He walks me to my car. He saying all this about how much he wants to go home with me and women are jealous of me because I'm cute, I have a great ass, nice tits, and I say it like it is. Funny, how 3 out of those 4 reasons were APPEARANCES.

Anyway, he kissed me a few times, grabbed my ass. But I refused to fuck him. Mainly because we still had to work with each other for a couple more days and whatever. I kind of wanted to, because I really wanted to get laid. So then I felt like a total slut. I was flirting all night long then refused the goods. I felt slutty for the way I was acting and I felt like a terrible human being.

You're all going to scream at me for this one, but I totally shouldn't have driven home...but I did. I didn't get pulled over though. So then I got home at about 11, went to bed at 11:30. Here's the thing. I had to wake up at 3:30 in the morning to get to work by 4:45 am. Well, I shouldn't have driven to work Saturday morning because I was still drunk. I get there and most of the crew is MISSING. People were trickling in late for a couple of hours. Some people were still drunk, most of them hungover. Even people that hadn't gone to the bar with us were still drunk and/or hungover!!!! I guess it was a drinking night all around.

I drank some coffee and some Monster and after a couple of hours I was good to go. I wasn't even tired!! Jesse didn't show up for work Saturday. At first I was worried because I was afraid he'd gotten pulled over, because he was drunker than I was. I learned that Nick had followed Katie home. She said a few times yesterday that she felt like a bag of buttholes, however that feels, lol! I also learned there was a rumor that Jesse had gone home with me. GREAT, because it wasn't true at all. I ALSO learned that Jesse hadn't gotten pulled over or anything because his phone was on when Nick called him.

Anyway. Yesterday after work we went to Bruce's house to BBQ. Sean's girlfriend, Angie, brought a case of beer and a bottle of Jage. She had me doing jage bombs with her, even though I hadn't wanted to drink because of Friday night. Buuuut I did. A couple of other people had a shot or two, but other than that, Angie and I equally shared the bottle of Jage, and I was feeling pretty happy....again. She hadn't been able to drink Friday night because she hadn't been feeling well...so she wanted me to get wasted with her because she saw how drunk I was the night before. Oh, joy.

So I got to work at 6 this morning and we only had to work until noon, yay. Jesse was at work today, but I didn't speak to him or look at him. I was embarrassed for how I had acted.

The good thing is, yesterday Katie and I were totally cool even though things got a little sexual Friday night, and she's not even into women. Or so one thinks....a part of me now thinks she's at least bi-curious.

ANYWAY. That was my weekend. It was fucking crazy...without the fucking part....but a LOT of other sexual things going on.

Brian, the lead, knew everyone was shitty Saturday, but he had to look the other way because he needed people to be there, lmao! He said he wouldn't be able to go drinking with us because he said he would get himself in trouble. I think he was implying sexually. Anyway, our customer bought us pizza for lunch yesterday because we had been working so hard. A whole bunch of us sat at the conference room table. Katie and I sat at one end, Brian sat at the other. He was more across from Katie than me, and more than once when SHE was talking, he was staring at ME! I could see by the look in his eyes that he was thinking dirty thoughts. WTF. Does EVERYONE look at me sexually?? Like I'm an object, and not human?

Anyway, I hope everyone had a great weekend!!

No, I haven't fucked anyone =[

Last week, I was in between belt loops. Don't you hate when that happens?? It's like it's not even worth wearing your belt, because it's too loose you have to pull your pants up all the time anyway and the next one is too tight and you feel like dying all day. GRR.

FINALLY, this week I moved on to the next loop, the one that WAS too tight last week. Reason being, this week we are moving the warehouse so I've been shrink-wrapping and banding pallets ALL WEEK LONG. It gets crazy at times with everything and it's hot and sweaty and my pants were sticking to my legs and EW. So I've been way more active than normal and I've lost some weight this week. Hopefully I can keep it off!

My coworkers are bad influences on me! Last Saturday, we went to the bar to have a couple beers, and a couple beers turned into happy hour and a shot of tequila. One of my coworker's wives came to the bar and she said she liked my bewbies. Haha. She also made a comment on how I take care of my eyebrows. Needless to say, when we left the bar, this guys' wife and I touched bewbs... intentionally!

Tomorrow we are going to the bar for a few after work and on Saturday the same guy with the wife whose bewbs I touched with mine...they are BBQing at their house and invited a bunch of us over for that. That means, more drinking.

Oh dear.

More bewbie touching???

I read this post yesterday and I got a bit defensive in my mind.

Basically, it's a post calling avid xangans losers. Well, there could be several reasons someone is on xanga all the time...

A good amount of people on Xanga are writers. This IS a BLOGGING site, after all. The writers here spend a lot of time building up their readers for a couple of reasons. First, it's nice to get good feedback on your writing. Second, it's nice to have a good amount of people who would be willing to BUY your work, should you ever get published. This takes a lot of time to do, to build up loyal readers.

Another reason people spend so much time on Xanga is because they are disabled, and they like it better here then, say, Facebook. Case in point, DearRicky and the recently departed Dikdoktor (I got an email from him, and I feel really bad because I haven't written him back yet!).

Someone may spend so much time on xanga because they need a place to escape from their lives. There are many people that don't lead good, healthy lives and writing about it is an excellent way to get it out of yourself.

People spend so much time here because they genuinely love the friends they have on xanga. Just because it's not a face-to-face relationship or friendship, that doesn't mean it doesn't MEAN something to someone. I genuinely care about several of my xangan friends.

Another reason is money. If you have Google Adsense, like I do, you get money for every ad on your page that someone clicks. The more readers you have, the greater chances someone clicks an ad and you get money. Again, it takes time to build that kind of readership. Plus, you have to keep up the relationships...meaning you can't build up your readers then abandon them, you have to keep talking to them or they'll stop visiting your blog.

There are more reasons people are here all the time, but I don't want to list them all.

So, if you're going to bitch about something so trivial, I suggest you STFU or GTFO.

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