June 24, 2010
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Anger
Cody and I were talking a little bit about anger and violence. I used to have an anger problem…
I was angry at the injustice of my childhood and the things that happened to me. When I was a kid, I would break things. I broke the closet doors, I slammed the hair brushes against the bathroom counters and broke the handles off. I broke various other possessions of mine. As I got older, it progressed and I actually saw red when I got really angry. I was out of control and I said cruel things I didn’t mean to the people I love. I stopped breaking things, but I still got very angry all the time.
I think I got in a healthier state of mind when I started finding my religion, which I’m not going to talk about right now.
Being so angry like that is scary. Later, you hate yourself for the things you say. I felt like I was an ugly person, inside and out. Even though it’s a part of my past, I fear it coming back. I hated who I was, and I never want to be that person again. Only I can control my actions, but I always felt completely out of control and outside of my own body when I got angry. The only thing I could ever do was be alone until it passed. Sometimes, I would just get angry for no reason. Sometimes, just the smallest thing would set me off.
I’ve gotten past this though.
Comments (11)
I think that kind of anger dissipates with age too.
I wasn’t angry…but my was I the poster child for self-loathing. I can completely understand the fear you have of becoming that person again.
But, as you said, it’s within your scope of control and choice.
So cheers to being happy and finding contentment.
Taylor
As we grow older we learn to curb our anger and mold our temperment to suit society. Like you, I used to see red. Still do on occasion. It’s like someone’s turning a screw in my head and strips it out with the screwdriver. Then this red haze oozes over my vision. It’s kinda unnerving but I’ve learned to control it.
I don’t ever think I’ve gotten to *that* point, but I do have anger problems. My temper flares up too easily over very trivial things and there’s no stopping my mouth when it gets going.
You can only digress to an aggressive state if you allow yourself to do so. You’ll be fine, and so will he, if you keep your head on straight and stay out of bad situations.
I used to slam my dresser drawers when I was a kid. It was really loud and it shook the walls with a rumble my parents would be able to hear.
But then my dresser drawers started getting stuck and the knobs started to fall off. I also loved to throw things. The sad thing was, it never got rid of my anger. It made it worse. I think I learned that. Now I write things out. That helps.
It’s good you’ve worked through this. Some people do, some of US don’t. I’m still paying for something I did 20 years ago.
When I was younger I was a nightmare to deal with. I was angry about things that happened in my childhood that i couldn’t seem to get around. I broke things, and people. I was very ugly. I am good at keeping it at bay now…. for the most part.
I agree with Paul and Ampersands….
Stay strong.
i feel a lot of anger stems from having no control. when we are childern we have little or no control over many things in our life. as we get older we gain some control over things that affect us thus we learn to control or at least understand the anger. we then know the situations that do that to us and have choices. we also have a better understanding of expectations.
I understand that kind of anger, totally. For me, it came after I moved out of my parent’s house, amazingly. Part of my anger issue had to do with my borderline personality, I believe. I slipped into rages where I felt as though I lost all self control. I am not exactly sure what made it leave me, but it did.