I have a shopping addiction.
It’s like alcoholism. How dare you compare shopping too much to alcoholism? you say, outraged.
Well, let me show you.
I need some shampoo and conditioner, some razor heads, so I go to Target. I pass by the movies. Is that..? Oh, I’ve been waiting to see that! I pick it up. Read the back. Put it down put it down put it down put it down. You don’t need this!! I scream at myself (in my head, of course). I can’t breathe. Somehow my respiratory system seems to think that I will not live if I do not buy this movie. I stand and stare at it for minutes before I move on with heavy feet. The breathing thing does not get easier. In fact, it worsens as I stare at more movies. I see favorites that have come down in price. I get to the CD’s.
Oh! I didn’t know [insert musician name here]‘s new CD was out! I pick it up and look at the track listings. Put it down put it down put it down put it down put it down!!! I still can’t breathe.
I get to the books.
OHMIGOD I didn’t know this book was out! I HAVE to get it. I throw it in the cart without thinking. The breathing gets no better. Even when I buy something, I still can’t breathe for a long time after I leave the store.
Why do I think I need these things? It doesn’t matter what it is. As long as I see it and want it, but resist temptation, I have a panic attack. Why? I know I do not need these things. Books, movies, video games, jewelry, perfume (I have over 20 bottles, almost 30). One of my biggest problems is clothes.
I buy clothes that don’t fit me right all the time. Because I say, When I lose weight, this is going to look great on me! Well, I never lose weight, so I end up with all kinds of clothes I never wear. I have to give them away. Then shoes. I have about 20 pairs of shoes. About 10 or so purses. I have a huge case full of makeup.
When I’m driving and I pass a store, I get a huge urge to stop and shop. When I don’t give in, I have a panic attack. I can’t breathe and my chest tightens.
I’m 23 years old. I have steadily been working a full time job for over 5 years. The last 2 years I’ve been making damn good money for someone my age. So I should have tons of money in savings, right? WRONG. I’m 23, and I have absolutely NO savings. Whatsoever. I struggle to pay my bills now because I’ve maxed out my 3 credit cards.
This all fits into the holiday shopping season because it’s the worst time for me for this problem. When I see sales normally I get very excited and I feel like I need to buy tons of stuff just because it’s on sale. I feel guilty because during this time I shop more for myself than I do for my family. Because I can get good deals on things that I want.
On Black Friday, I went to 2 stores. I went to Best Buy and bought Saw, Saw II, Entourage seasons 1 and 2, and Curb Your Enthusiasm season 2. Out of those 5 items, 4 were for myself. I bought Curb for my father. Then I went to Bath and Body Works and they had buy 3 get 3 free. So I bought 6 scents of lotions, and I chose them all according to what I like, because I wanted to keep them all. I’ve decided that I will use those as my gifts to my sisters and mother.
I went to Kohl’s today and saw all kinds of things on clearance and sales. I wanted to buy everything. I walked away only spending $20, which is pretty damn good for me.
Lately I’ve been doing better, as in the last few months, but this holiday shopping season is a bastard. Now my panic attacks have been getting worse the longer I don’t go on a shopping spree.
I hate how this makes me feel. It’s terrible, it’s terrifying, it makes me feel guilty and it makes me hate myself.
