September 2, 2009
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Ugly
I am not a very confident woman. Some people would say that I’m lying, because at times I don’t seem like I lack confidence. The truth is that “fake it till you believe it” doesn’t work. It hasn’t worked with me. Sure, I’m better than I have been in the past, but I’m still not comfortable in my own skin.
I often look in the mirror and think I’m ugly. Ugly is such an ugly word. It is what it is. I feel like I look like a boy. I hate my face.
Most of the time I hide it. That fact that I hate myself. I hide it in my scars. I hide it behind my smile. I hide that I’m not happy. I act.
Confidence is not me. It’s a lie. One that I will continue to tell. I wonder if everyone feels this way about themselves. Does everyone lie? I lie, and I hate liars. I hate myself.
I wonder if other people see me like I see me. People tell me that I don’t look like a boy, that I’m pretty, even beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder I suppose. Maybe my vision is warped. I don’t like what I see.
This isn’t meant to get sympathy or pity. I’m just saying my thoughts. I saw a blog about ugly, but I didn’t read it. I just feel ugly today. Like most other days. I should have done my hair I suppose.
Comments (6)
i thought i was the only one who looked in the mirror and said, “Damn. I look like a boy”.
I feel that way a lot. Especially on my horrid days where I don’t want to go out.
And yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But shouldn’t we be able to tell that we’re pretty/beautiful?
Hm. I wonder…
I often feel the same way.
I think everyone does, at least some point.
Sometimes when I feel ugly and unattractive, I take an extra shower, do my hair, do my make-up, and take pictures of myself acting pretty. It’s pretty juvenile, I suppose, but it makes me feel a little better. I should probably do something more constructive, haha…
When I was in school, I would also wear my prettiest underwear on a test day, lol. Made me feel confident. :p
~V
I think many, if not all, people deal with this. I just think very few of them are willing to admit it. I mean, there have certainly been days when I felt so unattractive it’s like I embarrassed myself. But on those days I had to remind myself that one poorly accessorized outfit, hatchet-job hairstyle or unfortunate pimple didn’t define me. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will never be that super hot guy in high school that all the girls fantasized about. Those days are long gone. But I can still be the best looking me that ever lived.
Wow, your words express how I feel at times.
You know, I totally understand how you feel… especially the bit about looking in the mirror. Some days I look in it and I’m like, “I want plastic surgery, right now.” Seriously – even though I usually claim never to want to have a knife anywhere close to my face.