So I had my fantasy football draft yesterday. There are only 8 people on the team, and I had 4th pick, so here are my picks......

Running Backs
Matt Forte, Chicago Bears
Clinton Portis, Washington Redskins
Ronnie Brown, Miami Dolphins
Ray Rice, Baltimore Ravens

Wide Receivers
Andre Johnson, Houston Texans
Dwayne Bowe, Kansas City Chiefs
TJ Houshmanzadeh, Seattle Seahawks
Bernard Berrian, Minnesota Vikings

Quarterbacks
Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay Packers
Carson Palmer, Cincinnati Bengals

Tight Ends
Antonio Gates, San Diego Chargers
Owen Daniels, Houston Texans

Kickers
Stephen Gostkowski, New England Patriots
Jason Elam, Atlanta Falcons

Defense
New York Giants
New York Jets

I'm PISSED I didn't get my Minnesota defense. Some jackass took them in the third pick!!!! What the fuck. I wanted first pick so I could get my Adrian Peterson, but that's okay... Well, I'm pretty happy with my team.

I didn't take a shower today.

Now, I know you clicked on the link that says "Poop" and you're thinking one of two things (or both): That's disgusting; and What the HELL does that have to do with poop? It does...I promise you.

So, my roommate hasn't cleaned the litter box in a long time. There's cat shit all over the place in there, and it doesn't smell very pleasant.

Also, the one cat, Sassy, gets really pissed off when the litter box gets this dirty. She poops in the bathtub.

Knowing that very soon, the cat would be doing this very thing, the last couple days I've kept the bathroom door shut.

Well.

My roommate left it open last night.

And guess what.

That's right.

Sassy pooped in the tub. Which is very disgusting. As a matter of principle, I did not clean it up. I'm waiting until my roommate cleans it up.

Although, I must say, that although I don't SMELL bad, I FEEL disgusting. I really want to take a shower.

Hopefully my roommate will have cleaned up the cat shit by the time I get home from work. Otherwise I refuse to go another day without a shower, so tomorrow morning, I may have to bend over and take it.

And clean up the cat poop in the bathtub.

UPDATE:

So I just got home from work, and the poop was still there.

Being the awesome person that I am, I cleaned it up.

Yep.

I took a paper towel, scooped it up, and put it on the kitchen counter next to her mail. Which is second best to putting it in her bed, I suppose. I really did do this. I then took a bottle of air freshener and sprayed, because it smells like shit (HA literally). I then put the bottle next to the shit on the counter. This arrangement works fine for me because I haven't made anything in the kitchen in about 2 weeks or so.

So I'll enjoy a shower tomorrow, or maybe a BATH later tonight (don't worry, I also bleached the tub).

 Let me first just say that I am NOT pro ana/mia or anything like that. I don't look at "thinspo" or anything else. And I'm definately not skinny. I still wear juniors jeans, and right now I'm wearing a size 17 (although I think that's just the brand...other brands I wear a 15). Up until a month ago, I was wearing a 13.

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this in blogs before, but I will briefly go through this part again...when I was little, I was repeatedly molested. This experience has damaged me psychologically so that subconciously, I don't want people to look at me. I know some raise their eyebrows at this, because of my pink hair (which hasn't been pink since March...it is now red), my makeup, and so forth. But that's the reality. So that's why I remain fat. I get yelled at when I call myself that, so I suppose we will just settle for overweight.

 (That's me on the left with the Happy Bunny hoodie...the blond is my sister...this was Thanksgiving, and I've gained weight since then...ack)

Anyway, I've had bouts of my eating disorders throughout my life. I've had all of them at one point except I've never purged. I've made myself puke once in my life. I was a kid, like 10 or something, and I had eaten some leftovers from the fridge that had apparently been in there too long. We were going somewhere for the day, Valleyfair, I think, and my dad said "Well you better make yourself puke it all up now or else you're going to be really sick later and we can't go." So I made myself puke.

I've tried losing weight the right way, trust me. It's a lifestyle change...eating healthy every day and excercising. But every time I notice that I'm losing weight, I unconciously stop doing the right things. It's all about that subconcious decsion that I don't want people to look at me. Sure, I have a pretty, maybe even beautiful face. But for the most part, people don't really ask out the fat people. It's more than that too...fat people aren't usually victims. I don't want to be a victim ever again. Given that, I'm not sure why sometimes I'm anorexic.

Anyway, this time I didn't even realize I was doing it. I just stopped eating this week. I wasn't hungry for a couple days, so I had one sandwhich in about a 48 hour period. After that, I tried to eat, but every time I got a really bad upset stomach and had diareah everytime I tried eating, so half the time I've been ignoring the hunger pains. They've been getting better. Now today for the first time all week I feel like fainting.

I don't know how long it's going to last this time. I've gone 3-4 months barely eating in the past. I don't condone eating disorders at all. I think it's a horrible thing. My head is just all messed up I suppose.

Okay, so we all know that Xanga is in trouble; they are short on staff, people are talking about leaving (and lots have been), and for the most part, there haven't been many new bloggers coming around. I know that Dan Theologian has made numerous suggestions to TheXangaTeam on ways they can increase traffic, and Dan has even recently compared Xanga's situation to the Titanic. Nephyo then said, what's the purpose of Xanga loyalty?

I've thought about it, and I think that we shouldn't really call it Xanga loyalty, but being loyal ourselves. What I mean is, a lot of us have made some really great connections here, and overall it's just a really great community. Sure, there's Xanga drama and some hating constantly going on, but that's what makes us NOT boring! So if for no other reason than keeping our connections, drama, and community, I think we should stick around.

With that being said, maybe others have done it either publicly or in a private forum, but I reach out to TheXangaTeam. What can I do to help you? Is there anything I can do to help Xanga continue to exist on the interwebz? Other than linking my Xanga to my Facebook, which I simply cannot do because I've made too many posts here complaining about my mother, and it would be disastrous for her to read any of it. So, what can I do?

[On a side note, I'm at work, so I might not be able to read many blogs/respond to comments until later...sorry guys!!]

limbs tangled
 hair tousled
exploding
   exploring
beating hearts
         one
breathing
  heavy
whimpers
       moans
         sweet
whispers
    love
sex
    sex
love
tingles
    gasping
 dancing
leaving
 returning
n
o
t
h
i
n
g
else
     but
         this
moment

She softly whispered her regrets to the wind. The bitter sting of tears threatened to spill over and the huge lump in her throat made it so hard to swallow. The wind whipped her long golden tresses around and around. Clenched fingers regretted letting the flowers go. She threw them up to the sky and watch them float away. They landed in the water below her.

How had it come to this? Visions of this had been dreamed, premonitions thought. She had always known it would come down to this. Rain fell. The dress was becoming soaked, clinging to her form. The sea was so angry. It pounded on the rocks below. She could barely see the roses anymore through the darkness. It wasn't time yet. Her bones knew it. She finally let go of her tears. They mixed with the rain.

Distant thunder. Too far away still. She watched the lightning come closer and closer with every strike. Would one strike her heart? Her heart was dying. She needed revival.

But she knew it wouldn't happen. She'd seen this in her mind's eye a thousand times plus one.

The storm was finally upon her.

She opened her mouth and screamed. Agony creeped out around her but it was never heard. The raging thunder provided cover for her pain. The sounds were wrenched from her racking body just before she threw herself onto the rocks below, giving her body to the sea.

....or has Featured not been updated in days? What the hell is going on?

Just some random thoughts...because that's all life is, isn't it? Random things that just come together?

Well, maybe these things have no relevance...but whatever.

I LOVE coffee flavored ice cream.

I've had my "new" car since about February, and I JUST realized that the stereo adjusts the volume to your speed. Ha normally I have the radio up so loud that doesn't really make a difference. Umm...so that person who pulls up to the stop light with a thumping stereo... Sorry folks.

Caffeine is my addiction; Mountain Dew is my vice.

The Xanga Community is the full of the best bloggers ever because of Miss Xangamerica. I mean, really...will there ever be a Miss Bloggeramerica? I think not. (And NOT just because the play on the two words is awesome...I mean, come on! Xanga America. We rock)

The prospect of renting a house with my father is more appealing than moving in with my mom.

Should I do an intervention for one of my best friends? Would it backfire?

Letters. I must say, getting a real letter via snail mail has become exciting in this day and age of emails, Facebook, and texting. I don't even remember the last time I got a real letter in the mail versus bills. Soon wedding invitations will be sent via Facebook or the like (or is that happening already? I don't know, ha)

Michael Jackson was murdered. Maybe one of the children he molested did it. Poetic justice.

Does Resolve (the cleaner) work?

I have a huge, blank Book of Shadows with 500 empty pages. (hand-bound with real leather suede as the covers. It's black.)

Whenever I unpack all my books I will provide a count. I have hundreds...maybe even close to a thousand?

I've been lazy in my writing. Damnit.

I want to buy Snow Leopard. Really badly.

It's almost time for Lebowski Fest in Minneapolis. I will not be going. And I can get you a toe. With polish. There are ways dude. (not really. Just creepy)

I went out to the bar Saturday night and got looked at a lot. Umm when guys just stare, I feel creeped out...even when they're not ugly. And when someone who looks creepy offers to buy me a drink, it's even creepier. Why can't the women look at me? Damnit.

Well, I suppose that's all, for now. kthx

"I wanna swim away/But don't know how/Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean/....Let the rain come down." - Into The Ocean, by Blue October

ugh.

How did I let my life become such a mess?

I've been meaning to get to this post for awhile, but I've been so busy...

I recently read that NASA doesn't have enough money to moniter any near-earth objects that could collide with the planet.

Well, I have a few questions about that. If you've ever seen Armegeddon (I think it's a good movie), this film deals with exactly this situation. In the movie, Billy Bob Thorton plays Truman, a guy who works for NASA. Well, in one part, he talks about how they couldn't tell the general public about the astroid because it would cause mass panic, religious hysteria, rioting, etc.

So one of my questions is this: How do you think you would truly react if you found out there was an astroid that was going to hit our planet and kill everyone? Do you think you would WANT to know?

If the government knew this was going to happen and didn't tell anyone and it was found out, would you blame the government? Do you think they have a plan...like a massive underground bunker, safe houses, etc? (No matter how much I love the movie, I think their plan is pretty far-fetched) Do you think the planet would be doomed?

My last question: What would you do on your last day if you knew the planet was going to be obliterated?

I know I haven't researched this in a long time, but as far as I know, many scientists believe that an astroid wiped out the dinosaurs. If you've heard other recent theories, let me know....I think it's interesting.