I'm so pissed. A while ago (months) I learned that MTV is re-making The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I was very upset. I signed the petition to stop it, but apparently they are still making the movie. This awesome cult classic WILL BE RUINED FOREVER!!!!!! I think anyone who loves the original should boycott and protest when this movie comes out in theaters. I mean, really. Can't anyone leave the good stuff well enough alone? Why re-make such a classic? Stupidity.

By the time the stock market starts going back up, I'll probably be able to a buy a few shares of the Dow Jones...how bout you???!!

Let's make a killing....in about three years

My whole body hurts

People are irritating me today

And I ate too much just now

Tis not such a good day

I was looking at some of the featured blogs...there's something wrong.

Shouldn't the ratio of viewed posts and comments be closer together? Am I missing something? One had almost 18,000 views and less than 200 comments... ?!?!?!

I never have much time anymore to be on Xanga, but when I do, I don't have time to read much. So I end up going back only a few pages in my Universal, and never see some really great posts by the people who don't write an entry every half an hour =[ ((not that they're posts are bad or anything...I'm just saying!))

Most of you probably don't know (unless you've read entries of mine before you were my friend) that I am a reformed cutter. Well, maybe not so reformed. Reformed is the wrong word. Cutter on hiatus sounds a bit more true. And I'm thinking that most of you will abhor this particular entry in my blog.

Generally, I find nothing wrong with cutting. There. I said it. Most of you are thinking that I'm crazy, too far from normal to associate your shining self with someone like me. Let me explain this crazy statement. First, I guess I'll give you a run down of my history with this type of self mutilation.

I didn't start cutting until I was out of high school. I'd heard of it, and there was a kid in my class that didn't hide his marks. I'd never really thought about it. Senior year of high school was the darkest period in my life. I honestly didn't know how I'd survived the absolute disaster that was my life. Teachers had become concerned with my well being at one point, and the school counselor called me into her office. Through all of the mayhem that year, I didn't cut.

When I got out of the hell that high school had become, however, I watched a movie called Thirteen. It was a very good movie in my opinion, and it's a movie about a young girl who starts hanging with a bad influence. She started drinking, doing drugs, stealing, skipping school. She started cutting. I watched it in this movie, and decided to try it. I brought home a new razorblade from work, sat on my bed with a sock, and started. At first it freaked me out. But I got used to it. I was a cutter almost every day for over 2 years. Only a few people knew. After awhile, I only cut every once in awhile. Now I haven't cut in almost a year. I haven't had any reason to.

Now here's where I explain why I don't necessarily find anything wrong with it.

Cutters are not suicidal.

Cutting releases a certain chemical in your blood that makes a person happier. Endorphins or some such thing. Everyone cuts for a different reason. To make them feel something because they're numb, to make them NOT feel because they feel too much (it's a release). It serves whichever purpose the cutter intends. It makes them feel high. It's getting high without drugs, and it makes the person happier without pills. It gets them through whatever they need to get through. Most cutters keep it a secret, and only let it be known in the virtual world where they know no one. They cut on places not visible...their thighs and stomachs mostly. Sometimes their wrists, but that's a bit more public, even if they wear bracelets. Some cut because it's cool, which it really isn't. Real cutters know what they're doing and why they're doing it.

I don't care about scars. It lets me know that I've lived, that I'm alive. Blood freaks me out, and in any other situation where blood is flowing from an injury, it makes me naseous. I have almost thrown up from accidental blood-letting injuries.

I don't think cutting is wrong because it's self-therapy. Real therapy (the therapist and anti-depressant-anxiety medicated therapy) tends to cost quite a bit of money in the long run and a lot of people might not afford it. It's also about the people where everyone else thinks they're perfection personified and they can't let anyone know that their lives are out of control. It's about making yourself feel better in a situation. It releases anxiety.

I don't condone any other kind of self mutilation and I don't think it's right when it gets out of control. I don't think it's about getting attention, because with real cutters, no one knows their dirty little secret. I think more people cut than others think. I think it's better than the alternatives.

I don't know. Perhaps my thinking is completely warped. Maybe I'm a little crazy.

I was going to buy razorblades today.

I didn't.

I think it's when I can pick up a book and read all night long, listening to classical music.

To me, classical music is the foundation of all other music. I absolutely love it. To me, there's no better song than Beethoven's Fur Elise. I love opera. I love jazz, I love the blues. I love watching movies that take place in the 1700 and 1800's. I think I'm currently living in the wrong century. I'm a romantic at heart. I love the time of gentleman who aren't quite so gentlemanly (rakish) and of grand balls. I love the corsets and fine dresses. I'm fond of the drama of the elite. My heart wishes I was back in those days.

There's nothing better to me than reading. There's no better way to spend my time.

My heart is heavy tonight. I'm not sure why.

Yeah, so this week has been crazy, the rest of the week will be crazy, and next week will be crazy. I got off of work about 2:45 AM, and I have to be back at work at 1:00 PM today. Then I'll probably work 12 hours. 4 of which will be in a meeting, from 1-5.

Just. Plain. Craziness.

So please bear with me. :/

I don't have much time for an update. I was crazy busy this weekend, and traveled many miles. (about 300 I'm thinkin)

My step dad picked me up after work Friday night, and drove the most boring ride ever. I got to my mom's house and discovered that for some reason I couldn't pick up the wireless signal for my Macbook. I was devestated. I got an hour and a half of sleep then I went to my sister Taylor's dance recital. She's awesome. Love her.

We then went car shopping. Spent hours at the dealership, but I ended up driving away in a 2005 Ford Focus. It has a CD player. Bomb. I then drove to my dad's house, where we waited 2 hours at the Sprint store so my sister Ashley could get a new phone cuz her's was broken. GAAHHH.

I then watched 3 weeks worth of American Idol that my dad and sister have so lovingly been recording for me on the DVR. I slept 13 1/2 hours!!!

Sunday I went to a friend's house to watch The Game. There was some pretty good commercials. Loved the two talking babies, too cute.

That was my weekend in a nutshell. Now I have to go back to work... :/