So, I thought I would put up a quick update on me...

So, two weeks ago I got a MacBook. On credit. And I fucking love it so far.

Well, my friend Becky is buying a house. She actually closes today. So, I'm moving into her new house with her, her two young boys, and another friend of ours. I'm really excited because this'll be the first time I'm really "on my own". It's only $150 more a month than what I'm paying now, but I have a lot I need to do financially before I pay Becky $500 Nov. 1st. I've gotta put my car in my name (it's currently in my dad's) and I need to get insurance. I have to pay off the card I used to buy this new computer within the next two and a half months because it's 90 days interest free. That's almost $1,500. Well, hopefully it won't be a problem.

Work is going to be very hectic until the end of October. There's several huge projects that need to be done by Oct. 31st. I'll be working lots of overtime, including weekends. Plus I have one online class. So in October, I have to get all this done, get moved out, work weekends, and keep up with my homework. Holy shit, BUSY. Plus, I have like three bills due ON THE SAME DAY IN OCTOBER. WTF. And they're big bills!! Damnit. I've been doing really good with my spending the last three or four weeks, so everyone should be proud of me for that, lol. Anyway, I've gotta go because my eyes want to close on their own....

Everytime I read the news, it's getting worse. How much worse can it get? I don't think it's necessarily the people's fault that they bought houses they can't really afford. How many times have you been duped into buying something that wasn't worth it? Whatever. It's sad that I'm watching this unfold like it's a soap opera. I'm moving out of the house in a month and now I'm wondering if it's a good idea. I mean, what if I lose my job? I don't know what's going to happen now.

I know there've been a lot of people up in arms about the economy and how the government is handling it. I don't know everything about the economy, and I don't pretend to know. But I do now that the US government is handling this very badly. The money shouldn't be going to the banks that have the CEO's that make millions, 1% of the population. The money should be going to the everyday consumer that can't afford to keep up with their mortgage payments. It should be going to the people that are getting their homes forclosed on so maybe they can just barely get by...then the banks wouldn't be in such trouble... To the people that work hard for a living and have to struggle every day to make ends meet.

Whatever. So, I make $13.50/hr. When I work just 40 hours in a week with no lost time and no overtime, my paycheck is $469.97. When I work OT, I get time and a half. I worked 4.5 hours of OT last week...guess how much my paycheck is this week.... $462.84. So you know what I get for trying to make a little more money for bills? $-7. WTF. So my OT money went to AIG and whatever other banks that the government is bailing out. I guess I should just bend right over and stay there because the government likes to rape people. I think thousands of people should storm the steps of congress, turn around, drop trou, and bend over...with messages to the government written on their asses. What a picture that would make!! While it would be briefly comical, it would be the sad truth. I believe it wasn't all that long ago that "the experts" were on TV saying how the worst was over and there's nothing to fear and blah blah blah. It was only a few months ago, if I'm not mistaken. I knew then that they were essentially full of shit. I knew back then that things were going to get worse. And they are. And they will probably get worse for awhile. I truly don't think the economy has hit bottom yet.

The housing market continues to get worse, and more and more homes are getting forclosed every day. I think it's because no one raises wages, and inflation continues to go up, the cost of living goes up, but everyone still makes the same monies. Plus, no one has fixed mortgages rates, so when those go, they have to pay more money...that they don't have because they have to buy milk (which has gone up more than a dollar in the last year or two if I'm not mistaken) and bread for their families.

Quite honestly, I think it's bad parenting. Let's face it... parents are run into the ground with stress and work, and they lose sight of their kids and what they're doing. It's the same when parents bitch about violent video games. The fact is, parents think the law should do the job for them...rate this game this way and BAM!! Job done. The kid has no way to get ahold of this material if the rating says "M". Stupidity. Yes, the rating system is good as a guideline of what's appropriate for what age group the material is for. But that's it. It's up to the parents to explain to their kids what they should and shouldn't be playing..watching, or listening to. It's up to the parents to moniter what their kids are doing. So it's the same answer: BAD PARENTING. Sure, TV and movies play a part in it, but it still boils down to communiation and monitering. Of course, you can't moniter 24/7, but I think a lot of it can be contained. My parents let me watch movies like A Nightmare on Elm Street and Dirty Dancing when I was three. That's bad parenting. Granted, I didn't understand much of it, but Freddy Kreuger still gave me nightmares for at least a year.

   

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

I think of lines to write as I'm lying in bed, just on the edge of conciousness.

So much of my poetry is raw, jagged on the edges. It's obvious, right in your face. Is that my style? In confrontation I tend to allow myself to be battered. It's the reaction of victims. But in poetry I can say everything I didn't that time, I can be myself. I'm pretty sure I know who I am, and I need to get out of this place to be that person.

I hate money.

I have so many thoughts rolling around in my head.

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I just finished reading The Ice Queen by Alice Hoffman. It's a relatively short novel. There wasn't a lot of dialogue, and normally I don't like those kinds of books. There was a Danielle Steel book that I tried readng some time ago, but I could never get past the first chapter because there's no dialogue. But The Ice Queen was different. It was intriguing to me.

It's about a woman who lost her mother at the tender age of 8, and from then on she's lost. She's cold, she doesn't live. She simply exists. She's obsessed with death and dying, and all the kinds of ways to die. Like all novels, the characters go on a journey. She learns to feel, she learns to love, and she learns to live. This novel has so many sentences in it that remind me of me. "I was trapped behind glass, cold, empty, dead inside."

The way it's written, how personal it seems. It makes me wonder if these are secretly the author's voice, her own pain in life woven into a story of fiction. I know everything a writer writes inadvertantly has a piece of them inside of it, a mystery piece.

I recommed it for everyone willing to go on a journey.

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I started my Intro to Creative Writing class last week. I read the assigned pages last night during lunch at work. One of the pieces the intructor had us read was on journaling. On how writers should keep a journal to keep them disciplined in their craft. I also read that in our pages. Writing isn't just talent and skill and technique, it's discipline. I know this. I also read this sentence: "Writers write; posers talk about writing." I truly believe that I'm not a poser. I know in my heart that I am a writer. And I know what my problem is when it comes to writing.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid of failure, I'm afraid of rejection. I'm deathly afraid. In my heart of hearts, I know I'm a writer. I have so much to say, but it's that fear that keeps me from writing. It's dibilitating, this fear. But I think taking this class is a step towards overcoming that fear.

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Now that the serious stuff is over, I'll talk about the small things.

It's raining today. It's a little chilly, just the way I love it. If I were to go outside in the rain, I think it would be a cold rain. It started out as a light summery rain, but every once in awhile it pours. Even as it's raining, I ca see the sprinklers on. It's a little ironic, don't you think? It's not my choice to have the sprinklers on, that's the association.

Rachel wants to get an apartment with me, but I'm not so sure. I'd love to get an apartment with my sister, don't get me wrong, but she wants to bring her sort of boyfriend along. I don't like the situation because he's currently with someone else, someone who just gave birth to his twin girls. I don't know. We'll see what happens.