July 6, 2005

• cut

  
  

  anxiety grips me as i start to lose control
  stop breathing, it’ll all go away
  depression settles in and i panic
  get out the blade
  fear holds me back
  i can’t let anyone know how much pain i feel
  adreniline kicks in
  the blade hovers over skin
  close my eyes, feel the excitement
  open them and lower steel
  drag along, bright red follows
  bubbling to the surface, mixing with air
  watching in fascination
  morbid curiousity as it washes away the pain
  washes away the guilt, the shame
  when it’s over i sit and stare
  in a daze, in a trance
  feeling better for the moment
  i can hardly take it anymore
  wishing i could end it all right now
  the fear is too great
  i put away the blade and cry
  hugging myself, rocking back and forth
  why can’t i stop this?

  
  

                                                   

  
  

  i didn’t make any of these.

  • 11:17 pm
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