I don’t know how to describe how I feel. I’m tired of trying. Trying isn’t getting me anywhere, no results from this whole trying thing. I haven’t complained about anything regarding myself, I haven’t said anything negative about myself. I guess no one notices that I’m trying. Today I said the first negative thing about myself in a really long time, and no one said, “oh, you haven’t said that in a long time.” Fuckin a what the fuck do I have to do? I felt empty, not myself. I feel like no one really cares if I hate myself, everyone just says I shouldn’t talk that way cuz they’re sick of hearing me say it and they want me to shut the fuck up. No one cares about me. They could give a shit less. I just wanna curl up and die. I don’t wanna directly kill myself, I wanna let myself suffer because that’s what a piece of shit like me deserves. Maybe I’ll starve myself to death, or maybe start doing drugs….one day I’ll OD and die, maybe I’ll get drunk and jump off a cliff, cuz I’m too chicken shit to do it sober. FUCK IT.

crazy2love