-Loss-

the causer if chaos is your demon
your pet
but you have no control over it
it runs free in your blood
the look you create decieves
innocence has no face here
fear of the unknown makes you flee
neglect is the black mold in the forgotten corners
growing with a red hot fever
forgetting the childish games played there
echoes from childhood reverberate in the empty rooms
unknown enemies soon forgotten
mold spreading out
making you forget
the house you grew up in no longer exists
nothing but fear remains
nightmares come and go
in the recesses of your mind
childlike laughter dies with innocence
consumed with rage you strike out
at no one in particular
reeling from the pain
doctor please prescribe me something
loss of blood to the head
bleeding and fractured skull
face bashed in
beauty unknown
please kill the pain
please kill me
this loss is too much to bear

-Make Me Cry-

the gates of hell have opened
unleashing you
please take me away
abuse me, hurt me
make me cry
don’t deny me the physical pain
it’s more bearable than this
stab me, hit me, kill me,
murder me in my sleep
don’t stop this abuse
tear into me with sharp claws,
rip open my skin
bash my head in
break my legs
eat my fingers
but please don’t tell me i’m beautiful,
i won’t believe it
don’t tell me i’m smart,
i’ll say something stupid
don’t waste your breath on me
don’t tell me i’m nice,
i’ll say something mean
don’t tell me i have beautiful eyes,
they’ll turn to ice
don’t tell me i’m funny,
i’ll tell you don’t lie
don’t tell me you’re being honest,
i’ll know you’re lying
and most of all,
please don’t tell me you love me,
i’ll never speak to you again

“World So Cold”

When passion’s lost and all the trust is gone,
Way too far, for way too long
Children crying, cast out and neglected,
Only in a world so cold, only in a world
This cold
Hold the hand of your best friend, look into their eyes
Then watch them drift away
Some might say, we’ve done the wrong things,
For way too long, for way too long

Fever inside the storm,
So I’m turning away.
Away from the name
(Calling your names)
Away from the stones
(Throw sticks and stones)
‘Cause I’m through mending the wounds of us

Keep your thorns
‘Cause I’m running away,
Away from the games
(Fucking head games)
Away from the space
(Hate this head space)
The circumstances of a world so cold

burning whispers, Remind me of the days,
I was left alone, in a world this cold
Guilty of the same things, provoked by
The cause,
I’ve left alone, in a world so cold
Fever inside the storm,
So I’m turning away.
Away from the name
(Calling your names)
Away from the stones
(Throw sticks and stones)
‘Cause I’m through mending the wounds of us

Keep your thorns
‘Cause I’m running away,
Away from the games
(Fucking head games)
Away from the space
(Hate this head space)
The circumstances of a world so cold

I’m flying, I’m flying away,
Away from the names
(Calling your names)
Away from the games
(Fucking head games)
The circumstances of a world so cold

Why does everyone feel like my enemy,
Don’t want any part of depression or
Darkness, I’ve had enough
sick and tired, bring the sun, or I’m gone,
Or I’m gone

I’m backing out, I’m no pawn,
No mother-fucking slave to this,
Never lied
Never left
Never lived
Never loved
Never lost
Never hurt
Never worry about being me, or anyone else
Not a care, no concern, don’t give a shit about
Anything

Backing out, giving up, no mother-fucking
Slave to this,
Never lied
Never left
Never lived
Never loved
Never lost
Never hurt
Never worry about being me, or anyone else
Not a care, no concern, don’t give a shit about
Anything,

I need to find a darkened corner,
A lightless corner,
Where it’s safer and calmer,

I’m turning away.
Away from the name
(Calling your names)
Away from the stones
(Throw sticks and stones)
‘Cause I’m through mending the wounds of us

I’m running away,
Away from the games
(Fucking head games)
Away from the space
(Hate this head space)
The circumstances of a world so cold

I’m flying, I’m flying away,
Away from the names
(Calling your names)
Away from the games
(Fucking head games)
The circumstances of a world so cold

My head hurts. There’s too many people at work now…there’s too many temps. GAH.

“The shnozeberries taste like shnozeberries.” “What’s a shnozeberry?”

Everyone should love to read. It extends the vocabulary…you try to sound smart by saying something you read in a book and make a complete fool of yourself because you have no idea what you’re talking about. Just kidding…..

I fuckin hate AOL. I WANT MY DSL BACK, DAMNIT. FUCK YOU FUCKING FUCKERS.

“The rules say not only are you wrong but you’re also a DICK.”

FUCKIN A.

I’m kinda tired. My sunburn hurts like hell.

OMFGOMFGOMFG……I hurt SO bad!!! We went out to a lake today…woah. My dad’s friend, Barb, her son has a boat that they take out nearly every weekend in the summer, so we met up with them. It was about 12:30 or so when we got there, and for the first hour I sat in the shade, then I went out to lay on my back for awhile, then in the shade again…I never expected to get burned….especially as much as I did. My arms hurt….really bad. My face got a little burned, but my arms, omg. I went out on the tube once, but according to Jimmy, you need to make the person flip out, so it wasn’t as much fun as I wanted….I don’t know how, but when I was out there, I got cut on something on my leg…it’s still bleeding a little bit. I also went on a jet ski for my first time ever…and I want one. I’m totally jealous of Fred, who said he’s getting one….and the backs of my legs are sunburned cuz I was laying on my stomach….I’m really tired but I don’t know how well I’m going to sleep.

We were supposed to go to Valleyfair tomorrow, but that’s not gonna happen…cuz it’s supposed to storm and Rachel prolly wasn’t gonna make it, so it’s rescedualed for another time….which is fine with me….I’m not about to go out for an entire day with this sunburn…..goodnight everyone.

So, I took Friday off. Today was sucky and I have a headache. Valleyfair maybe on Sunday. My head is going to implode. I worked hard today and sweated…it was gross. The sups got everyone different kinds of ice cream for 3rd break, that was nice, and I needed it….it’s frickin 95 degrees and it feels like 110 cuz of the heat index…it’s stifiling out there….my head is pounding…..buh bye

MN: Prepare for govt shut down….because of the idiocy of the Minnesotan politicians…

A lot has happened in the past 24 hours. I’ll update later on it all…..I’m very tired right now…..

¤EDIT¤

Last night when I got home from work, I took a nap, then I called Holly cuz she said that they were goin to the quarries on Saturday and she wanted to let me know if that had changed. Then she told me that if I wanted to come over now I could, they’d prolly be drinking. I said I’d only drink if I could spend the night.
So I drank, a lot. I had I don’t know how many beers and a jage bomb. Head and TJ “invented” a drink, they called it a surfboard. It had Mountain Dew instead of Red Bull. I tried one of those. I met a couple of Holly’s friends, they’re cool. Holly passed out in the bathroom with a pillow and blanket. Me, Nicole, Head, and TJ played quarters for awhile. TJ’s uncle’s girlfriend is pregnant, they don’t know what it is yet. We were over there for a little bit. Pot smells really good. No, I didn’t try it (I know some people who prolly think I should..)
After everyone left last night at 2 in the morning, I passed out on the floor. I woke up this morning at 8 and couldn’t get back to sleep. We went to the quarries today. It’s in a national park area 45 minutes away. I was stuck sitting in between 2 guys in a non-airconditioned car. They lit up in the car on the way there. We finally get there, thank god. It’s about a mile back in the woods, so we hadda walk forever. We get there and there’s this really rocky and tree-rooted path around this small lake, about the size of a pond but about 200 feet deep. The park had been an industrial work site of some sort. At one point there’s a ton of mud. My sandals got stuck in the mud. I fell on my ass in the mud trying to pick them up. I walked barefoot the rest of the way. We get up to the highest point in the rocks and look down and I’m like I’m not jumpin…. Holly said the same thing, so the guys jumped, as did this like 6 year old girl, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Evidently, there’s a crane at the bottom of this man made lake.
I decided to jump in, to try and wash away the mud dried all over my feet and legs. I ended up jumping off one of the smaller cliffs. I popped out of the water and Holly goes “Oh my God Crystal you’re bleeding!” I’m like OMG and I touch my nose, sure as shit, my nose is practically gushing blood. Then I can’t get up onto the rocks again cuz I’m shaking so bad so Holly had to come help me. Then when we’re walking back to the area we picked out to sit and sun, this guy frickin burned Holly with a firework. We get back and the park rangers came along and the lady said she’d confiscated the other fireworks the guy had. Then as we’re packing up to leave, this guy slip on some wet rocks and fall. At that point in the path, it wasn’t a straight drop off and the guy hit some trees and rocks before he hit the water. We didn’t see it happen, at first we thought he was drowning cuz there were people standing there holding out there hands and stuff. But he swam to the edge of this rock and they helped him up. He stood very wobbily for a few seconds before he blacked out and there were people holding him so he didn’t fall. They carefully dragged him to a level area on the rock and laid him down. The park rangers ran to him and stuff. The guy was unconscious and everything. We heard the ambulance a couple minutes later. We watched what was going on for a few minutes before we left. When we got to that part in the path, the ambulance got there. There was a few firemen, a few EMT’s. Then these cheap sandals rubbed my dirty feet raw walking the mile back to the car. Then I had to sit in the back again, and again inbetween 2 guys. I couldn’t frickin move and my ass got numb. When I got home, I cleaned my feet. OMFG did it hurt to clean them. There was a ton of dirt and mud in the raw spots. When I got the visible stuff mostly cleared away I dumped some hydrogen peroxide on them, OMFG did it sting. I couldn’t handle it for more then a few seconds before I had to rinse it off. Now I have bandaids on them. My poor feet. I’m never wearing those mud covered sandals again. Then I got quite a few mesquito bites. I hate those fuckin things. Then my back got sunburned to top off a bad day and it hurts. But last night was kick ass, so I guess that balances today out. Tomorrow we’re going to my uncle’s house for father’s day for a BBQ. I don’t know if Ashley’s going to come. Jackass still hasn’t called her. (my father)

Well, everyone have a nice Father’s Day tomorrow.

Happy Friday.

I think Noe (said like no way) likes me. He keeps hanging around me and everything….ya.

Jerry got fired today. I personally think he should have been fired a long time ago. Yesterday he asked some girl at work if she was pregnant cuz she was fat. She went to a supervisor crying and everything. He was fired today. All I have to say is that it’s about time.