Month: April 2005

  • Every night she sits there, she wonders what it would be like. Would they even notice? The way they don't notice her tears? The blood runs down her arm, numb. She stares at nothing, feels nothing, is nothing. Why? That's all she wants to know, is why. Why don't you care? She's so fragile, broken up inside, and no one knows. No one cares about her.


    She takes the blade and cuts deeper, feeling. Tears fall, mingling with the dark red blood. She screams, punches the mirror, cries. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing can make her feel better. Nothing can make her feel beautiful. No words. No words. No words can make her feel better. No words can make her feel beautiful. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. She is nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Deeper and deeper she cuts, feeling. She's covered in it, feeling. Nothing hurts. It's so beautiful. Here, covered in her own blood, she's beautiful. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. All she can see is red. Red. Red. Red. Red. Red. Red. Red. Black.

  • omfg. TGIF. That's all I have to say. Wow, today flew by. I was having fun today. Me and Holly were pallatizing together all day. We work really well together, which is good. We talk about how to do shit, and we come to an agreement on where we should put a certain box or whatever.... We only got three truck orders done all day, but our pallets were the best built of anyone else's, so yay. We went to Burger King for lunch, and Holly bought me lunch, so that was nice of her. So I gotta buy her lunch sometime. They had about 12 temps come in for this mini drive and there was a cowboy there! He was pretty hot, omg. And he had a cowboy hat on! *faints*

  • omfg. This new Mudvayne cd is kick ass. I've listened to it about 5 times now in a row. Holly told me they're gonna be at Ozzfest. She wants me to go with her....hell yeah.

  • Some people piss me off so fuckin bad!!! Goddamnit.


    So, yesterday and Tuesday, we were making this kit. Cindy, the person I take orders from, she's a group lead on our team, was in charge of this thing. We were supposed to make 497 kits, and we had to quality check every 4th or 5th one (make sure everything's there). That's actually Cindy's job, or whoever's in charge of the project. Well, after awhile, Cindy passed it off to Renelle, another group lead on our team, but not the person I usually take orders from. She changed the way we were doing things. When we started, me and Holly were doing our own kits, making our own. So Renelle comes along and says that we're changing the way we do it, making it an assembly line, where everyone puts in a certain thing and passes it along. Well, yesterday, they were going so fucking fast. I had to put in something that takes more time than everyone else's, so I got so fucking backed up and I worked my ass off to try and catch up, and that did nothing. I sweated my ass off and shit, and I still had tons of boxes. Finally I was like fuck it and I went slower again. We were almost done and Renelle's like we're gonna go faster, and I was like fuckin a. I knew there was going to be some sort of mistake. So someone comes to help me out and we get the shit done, half a day ahead of schedule. So this morning, they have too many small tshirts left over and not enough coasters. Well, the coasters were easy to spot, if there was ever too many in a box, so I would have caught that, since I got the box right after the coasters were put in. But the tshirts were way at the bottom of the box, so I wouldn't have been able to see those. And she went through and told everyone to make sure everything was in there before they closed the boxes.


    So when we had too many shirts left over, Cindy said we had to open all the kits and look in them. WTF. These kits are huge, the boxes are huge, and you can only put 6 on a pallet!! So we had 80-some pallets to look at, when most of them were already put away. That fuckin pissed me off cuz it's a waste of time. Then when we're doing this, Cindy comes over and says that we don't have to look in all of them, only every other one of the ones that were on the floor. So we're like ok. I was working with Holly during this.....then later she comes up and says yeah, just do all them then it'll be time for break. So we're doing this, and Renelle comes up to us. Earlier today, I was like, "Hey Holly, you notice Renelle isn't coming over here and telling us we're doing it wrong?" And she's like yeah, cuz she knows she fucked up. So Renelle comes over, and she says "So you have too many tshirts left over? Weren't you supposed to have 7 left over anyway? And isn't there only 12 left over? Holly, you would have noticed if they weren't in there right? You were checking right? And Crystal, you would have noticed if the coasters had too many." So me and Holly were like, "Yeah, I guess." So Renelle leaves and Cindy walks past us and I call her over. I asked her "Cindy, isn't it Renelles job to make sure everything is in there and QC the project?" And Cindy goes "Ya, it is her job. When I was doing it, I checked 25 boxes." And I told her that Renelle had told us to do it, and Cindy said she can't tell us that, that she has to do it. After Cindy walked away, I was like, "Holly, Renelle just basically blamed us for it being wrong." And Holly goes, "Yeah, I know."


    UGHHHHHHH That just fuckin pissed me off so bad. So when we were done checking the kits on the floor, we went back to Cindy, and I was like, "If it's wrong, we aren't going to get in trouble, are we?" And Cindy says "No, of course not. I already talked to Judy about it, in fact..." and she waved Judi over (who's our boss), and said "The girls are worried about Renelle said." And Judi goes "Noooo. Do I look worried or angry?" And I laughed and said, "No, not at us." And Judi said not to worry about it. But it still fuckin pissed me off. Renelle should be fired.


     


    Holy shit, that's a lot of description for that, lol. But UGHHHHH. I fuckin hate her. Tryin to blame us for her shit. Whatta bitch.


     


    Hit three iPod Mini's and get one FREE!
    *See offer details

  • Gah.


    SHOOT SMILEY! GET A FREE IPOD MINI!
    *see offer details


     


    Whatever.


    Life fuckin sucks....how many times have I said that in my life? Too many to count, that's how many. But it's the truth.


     


    Why do they have to make it so hard for people to go to college? I mean, I qualified for like nothing for grants. $500 for the federal pell grant and $2,600 for state. I mean, what the fuck. Do they NOT want people to further their education? I certainly don't want to take out loans for the balance. That's too much. I fuckin hate people. They suck. If I would have gone to Brown, I would have had to pay $60-70,000 after I graduate on loans. And the papers said that I was responsible for paying even if I didn't have a job. What the fuck. How am I supposed to make payments if I didn't have a job?? UGH WTFE.


     


     


     


    I read back over my journal, and I depressed myself. Why do I get depressed over shit that I can't change? Fuck it.

  • I have an idea for a poem, but it wasn't coming out how I wanted it to, so I just said forget it. I can't write anymore.


    Why do I have to be so sad all the time?


    I had an anxiety attack today.


    Brown College isn't going to work out.


    Too expensive.


    I fuckin hate where I work.

  • Today sucked.

  • OMG I FINALLY figured out how to make blends....go me!!!! lol

  • omg. My xanga is so beautiful....NO- I'm NOT vain!! What are you thinking?!


    Lol. I'm in love with someone....omg. Or maybe seriously crushing.....mmmyummy.


    So today I spent $75 at Target...whoops....but not all of it was frivilous, I promise!!! I bought some food, some makeup I needed cuz I was running out, the new Mudvayne CD......Mudvayne kicks ass!! Yes, that CD WAS a nessecity.....


    My boss was in New York the end of last week and brought everyone on her team a t shirt, which was nice....another t shirt for my wardrobe...but this one I can wear to work!!! Maybe...cuz it's white. I don't wanna get it all filthy...


    It was an okay day today....Rusty was in our building today, which was nice. He's gonna be in our building again tomorrow and next week is his last week!!!! SAD!!!  I'm gonna cry. He called me sweet today...awww.