"Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday dear me-e
Happy birthday to me"
YAY!!!! I'm 19 today....2 more years til I can *ahem* legally drink *cough cough*
hahahaha
Month: March 2005
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When I was younger, I would lock myself in the bathroom and just sit there and cry. My sisters would look for me all over the house and when they finally found where I was, they would try to get me to come out. They'd talk to me, but I wouldn't ever say anything. I would just cry. They'd shove pictures under the bathroom door, trying to make me feel better. I'd sit in there for hours because it was where I could lock myself in and not talk to anyone. My other place was this park that was hidden from view....not a lot of people knew about it cuz it was on the edge of a cornfield, hidden from the cul de sac and on the edge of someone's yard. I'd go there cuz there was never anyone there and just swing and stare at the sky, dreaming. One day, my life will be so wonderful. One day, I'll be happy. One day, my mom will love me. One day.....
Sisters are so sweet.
I would cry, but I never knew why.
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So, something very funny just happened. Me and my dad are driving home from the video rental place....and we're behind this slow guy and my dad rides his ass...and this guy brakes suddenly....my dad keeps right up there and the guy slows way way way down....just to irritate. We get to our turn and we get in the turn lane, and the guy ahead of us does the same thing...I knew he wasn't turning. Sure as shit, the guy didnt turn but pulled back onto the main road at the turn....funny shit right there. It was some young punk or something.
"Why don't you go fly a kite with a hole in it." - from the KQ Morning Show, Cat Woman http://92kqrs.com/morningshow.asp
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You hate me.
I love you but I hate you.
I hate me.
I got invited to a party. Holly's last weeknd in her house. I'ma get drunk....funfunfun.
"Ohana means family and family means that no one is left behind or forgotten"
- Lilo, Lilo and Stitch
"This is my family. It may be little and broken, but still good.Still good."
- Stitch, Lilo and Stitch
"You look like you're an Elvis fan"
- Lilo, Lilo and Stitch
I didn't make any of these icons.....I can't make any good ones. 
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This book is really hard to fuckin read. It's so correct it's eerie. Everything so far is so right its scary....I have to stop a lot to just cool down and chill out because it's too painful to read all at once. It's about my mother and how she is and how her words and actions make me feel and how I react to them and how I feel about myself as a result. It's not strictly for BPD parents...it's also for behavior that's similar to the behavior expressed when someone has BPD. It sounds like my mom has BPD, but I can't be certain because she's never been diagnosed with it by a certified doctor....I don't think she's ever been to a therapist....but I don't know because I don't really know the reality of my mom's life. She makes shit up and I think she actually believes everything she makes up, so I don't know her real experiences. She twists everything to make it seem how she wants it to seem and lies about things.
It's really hard reading this book.
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So, I went to Jen's house tonight. I drank 5 beers and had a little buzz, nothing big. I mispoke a few times, but I'm fine, I promise. I can walk a straight line and everything....we just chilled and listened to music. I peed 3 times. Jen told me that I hold my beer very well, better than she could at my age. She also said that I knew my shit cuz I knew every song that was on a mixed cd and all the words and everything. So ya...had a good time tonight!! So finally, something good happens. Well, I'm really tired, so I'm gonna go to bed....good night!!!
