March 28, 2005
-
hm.
Not much to say.
I don’t know what to do.
“Kiss Johnny Depp and get a free designer handbag.”
I’m tired.
i’m trapped in this maze
this maze of uncertainty and fear
of mass confusion
stop and say hi to the crazy wandering lady
she can tell you what you need to know
but can she lead you safely out?
or just get you more lost than you already are?
i gaze at the directions i can take
to the left, to the unknown uncertainty?
to the right, to the known fear?
or backwards?
back to the confusion and chaos?
none of the paths in this maze lead
directly forward
all are zig zagging
i don’t know if one or both of them will just lead me
right back to the beginning
in my own personal limbo
the answer isn’t easy to come by
i sit for a long time
never moving
not even really thinking about the decision i must make,
but about things that don’t even matter
my mind wanders
and suffocates at my lack of creativity
the flow of words don’t come easy to me
like they should
i feel like a failure
i wander in circles, wondering what i should do
i fear happiness
i crave happiness
i want it
what is the cost?
without another thought,
i plunge into the darkness
and run in one direction
hoping it’ll bring me back to the sunshine i crave
Look at this apparent lack of creativity in me. My writing sucks major ass. Why can’t I write? Maybe I’m in more inner turmoil than in the past, with no one to talk me out of my dark moments.
God help me, if You’re really truly real.
