March 27, 2005
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Yesterday I went bowling with my family. Every year, in March, we get together because there’s so many birthdays and stuff. Usually we go to Treasure Island (a resort and casino), but this year we went bowling and to dinner instead. I saw my Auntie Heather, and I met her fiance and his family, my Auntie Laurie and her boyfriend Randy, my grandma and grandpa, and even my cousin Hope, who I hadn’t seen in about 5 years. I saw her, and I was like, there’s no way that’s Hope. Then, of course, my mother came and my sister Taylor. Rachel couldn’t come, though. It made me sad. But I had a great time bowling. I don’t bowl very often, so I did kinda bad. We’re a loud group when we get together, but it’s fun. My top score in two games was 80. I got 3 strikes in the two games, and I don’t remember what my second score was. Then I rode with my Auntie Heather in her Monte Carlo….that’s a nice car, lemme tell ya….It’s a newer one, maybe a 2000. Or newer, I dunno. But she has 2 subs in her trunk, and OMG was it loud. I loved it. We went to this pizza place for dinner, it was so good. I got my Auntie Heather’s phone number, and I promised her I’d call her soon. Then I went with my mom to her house….and on the way we stopped to see Rachel.
Her stepmom, Brenda, was kinda rude, but I completely understand why….it’s because of my mother and how fucked up she is. But we got to see Rach…I started to cry because I hadn’t seen her in so long. I hugged her for like 2 minutes….it was very emotional. She gave me and Tay a couple of shells she found in Jamaica. Then we left. And we get to the house….my mother basically dropped us off and went to her boyfriend’s house. Oh, and I forgot to mention that she stopped at the liquor store and got a bottle of Captain….then drank and drove. Very smart, Mommy Dearest.
And the house looked like shit. There were hole in the walls and my mother’s door had been slammed so hard that she broke the frame right off. She had the big screen tv and a chair in the bathroom by her jacuzzi bathtub. She’s gotten worse when I thought that she couldn’t get any worse. She’s self destructing and she’s going to end up dying before she should. Well, I guess that’s none of my business.
Heather told me that she and Laurie want to force her into treatment for her cocaine addiction and drunkeness, but their mom wouldn’t agree to sign…..and I guess you need three family members to sign for it.
I feel so bad for my sister because she has to grow up in such a dysfunctional family situation. And I feel bad for Brent because my mom has made his life a living hell….and she’s been stealing money from him to keep up her lifestyle since she refuses to get a job.
I don’t know what to do because she’s my mom and I love her, but at the same time, I feel the need to distance myself from her and not hop onto the lurching rollar coaster ride that her life is. It hurts too much to be around her or even talk to her because she complains that no one loves her and tries to make me feel guilty and everything. I can’t handle it.
Then this morning, I had to also suffer my father’s temper because he was so pissed he had to pick me up from my mom’s house because I didn’t want her to drive because she’d been drinking. I can’t take it anymore.
