Eh. Work sucks ass. Like always. I fuckin hate that place. The people have no idea what they’re doing. And the management in that place sucks. whatever.
Angie, shes so funny. All talkin about talking all the time….because the people from shipping just stand around and talk all the time. So I told her that, now she talks all the time….to me. lol. anyway, she told me she’s take me to get my nose pierced, so yay! finally! anyways, gotta go n clean some….ack.
hm.
Not much to say.
I don’t know what to do.
“Kiss Johnny Depp and get a free designer handbag.”
I’m tired.
i’m trapped in this maze
this maze of uncertainty and fear
of mass confusion
stop and say hi to the crazy wandering lady
she can tell you what you need to know
but can she lead you safely out?
or just get you more lost than you already are?
i gaze at the directions i can take
to the left, to the unknown uncertainty?
to the right, to the known fear?
or backwards?
back to the confusion and chaos?
none of the paths in this maze lead
directly forward
all are zig zagging
i don’t know if one or both of them will just lead me
right back to the beginning
in my own personal limbo
the answer isn’t easy to come by
i sit for a long time
never moving
not even really thinking about the decision i must make,
but about things that don’t even matter
my mind wanders
and suffocates at my lack of creativity
the flow of words don’t come easy to me
like they should
i feel like a failure
i wander in circles, wondering what i should do
i fear happiness
i crave happiness
i want it
what is the cost?
without another thought,
i plunge into the darkness
and run in one direction
hoping it’ll bring me back to the sunshine i crave
Look at this apparent lack of creativity in me. My writing sucks major ass. Why can’t I write? Maybe I’m in more inner turmoil than in the past, with no one to talk me out of my dark moments.
God help me, if You’re really truly real.
Yesterday I went bowling with my family. Every year, in March, we get together because there’s so many birthdays and stuff. Usually we go to Treasure Island (a resort and casino), but this year we went bowling and to dinner instead. I saw my Auntie Heather, and I met her fiance and his family, my Auntie Laurie and her boyfriend Randy, my grandma and grandpa, and even my cousin Hope, who I hadn’t seen in about 5 years. I saw her, and I was like, there’s no way that’s Hope. Then, of course, my mother came and my sister Taylor. Rachel couldn’t come, though. It made me sad. But I had a great time bowling. I don’t bowl very often, so I did kinda bad. We’re a loud group when we get together, but it’s fun. My top score in two games was 80. I got 3 strikes in the two games, and I don’t remember what my second score was. Then I rode with my Auntie Heather in her Monte Carlo….that’s a nice car, lemme tell ya….It’s a newer one, maybe a 2000. Or newer, I dunno. But she has 2 subs in her trunk, and OMG was it loud. I loved it. We went to this pizza place for dinner, it was so good. I got my Auntie Heather’s phone number, and I promised her I’d call her soon. Then I went with my mom to her house….and on the way we stopped to see Rachel.
Her stepmom, Brenda, was kinda rude, but I completely understand why….it’s because of my mother and how fucked up she is. But we got to see Rach…I started to cry because I hadn’t seen her in so long. I hugged her for like 2 minutes….it was very emotional. She gave me and Tay a couple of shells she found in Jamaica. Then we left. And we get to the house….my mother basically dropped us off and went to her boyfriend’s house. Oh, and I forgot to mention that she stopped at the liquor store and got a bottle of Captain….then drank and drove. Very smart, Mommy Dearest.
And the house looked like shit. There were hole in the walls and my mother’s door had been slammed so hard that she broke the frame right off. She had the big screen tv and a chair in the bathroom by her jacuzzi bathtub. She’s gotten worse when I thought that she couldn’t get any worse. She’s self destructing and she’s going to end up dying before she should. Well, I guess that’s none of my business.
Heather told me that she and Laurie want to force her into treatment for her cocaine addiction and drunkeness, but their mom wouldn’t agree to sign…..and I guess you need three family members to sign for it.
I feel so bad for my sister because she has to grow up in such a dysfunctional family situation. And I feel bad for Brent because my mom has made his life a living hell….and she’s been stealing money from him to keep up her lifestyle since she refuses to get a job.
I don’t know what to do because she’s my mom and I love her, but at the same time, I feel the need to distance myself from her and not hop onto the lurching rollar coaster ride that her life is. It hurts too much to be around her or even talk to her because she complains that no one loves her and tries to make me feel guilty and everything. I can’t handle it.
Then this morning, I had to also suffer my father’s temper because he was so pissed he had to pick me up from my mom’s house because I didn’t want her to drive because she’d been drinking. I can’t take it anymore.
OMFG
edit….
This was my first favorite song when I was 3 years old in ’89…..
The Look
~Roxette
Walking like a man
Hitting like a hammer
She’s a juvenile scam
Never was a quitter
Tasty like a raindrop
She’s got the look
Heavenly bound
Cause heaven’s got a number
When she’s spinning me around
Kissing is a colour
Her loving is a wild dog
She’s got the look
She’s got the look, -’she’s got the look’-
She’s got the look, -’she’s got the look’-
What in the world can make a brown-eyed girl turn blue
When everything I’ll ever do, I’ll do for you
And I go: la la la la la
She’s got the look
Fire in the ice
Naked to the t-bone
Is a lover’s disguise
Banging on the head drum
Shaking like a mad bull
She’s got the look
Swaying to the band
Moving like a hammer
She’s a miracle man
Loving is the ocean
Kissing is the wet sand
She’s got the look
She’s got the look, -’she’s got the look’-
She’s got the look, -’she’s got the look’-
What in the world can make a brown-eyed girl turn blue
When everything I’ll ever do, I’ll do for you
And I go: la la la la la
She’s got the look
Walking like a man
Hitting like a hammer
She’s a juvenile scam
Never was a quitter
Tasty like a raindrop
She’s got the look
And she goes:
Na na na na na,
Na na na na na na,
Na na na na na,
Na na na na na na,
Na na na na na na na na,
She’s got the look
She’s got the look, -’she’s got the look’-
She’s got the look, -’she’s got the look’-
What in the world can make a brown-eyed girl turn blue
When everything I’ll ever do, I’ll do for you
And I go: la la la la la
She’s got the look
What in the world can make you so blue
When everything I’ll ever do, I’ll do for you
And I go: la la la la la
Na na na na na,
Na na na na na na,
Na na na na na,
Na na na na na na,
Na na na na na na na na,
She’s got the look
And she goes:
Na na na na na,
Na na na na na na,
Na na na na na,
Na na na na na na,
Na na na na na na na na,
She’s got the look -’she’s got the look’-
And she goes:
Na na na na na,
Na na na na na na,
Na na na na na,
Na na na na na na,
Na na na na na na na na,
She’s got the look -’she’s got the look’-
And she goes:
Na na na na na,
Na na na na na na,
Na na na na na,
Na na na na na na,
Na na na na na na na na,
She’s got look -’she’s got look’-…
And my song for right now:
Runaway Train
~Soul Asylum
Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning
So tired that I couldn’t even sleep
So many secrets I couldn’t keep
Promised myself I wouldn’t weep
One more promise I couldn’t keep
It seems no one can help me now
I’m in too deep
There’s no way out
This time I have really led myself astray
CHORUS
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I’m neither here no there
Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life’s mystery seems so faded
I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin’ in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train
Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don’t believe it
CHORUS
Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin’ at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain
Runaway train never comin’ back
Runaway train tearin’ up the track
Runaway train burnin’ in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same
Ok, so my handwriting is so beautiful. Hahahaha jk. It’s ugly. I had fun at work today. The morning sucked though cuz I didn’t feel very good. I was too tired (when I shouldn’t have been) and I felt like I was gonna puke. Then my day got better when Cindy told me that I had to count 8,000 key chains and 15,000 bar towels and seperate the towels into boxes of 1,000 in each box. I’m like, “You have got to be kidding me.” Well, she came in the cage and told me that she had a job for me. A job that only I can do, then she told me all this. She said that the product was going back into stock and this had to be done. I said “Are you serious? Why would they want that? Aren’t we throwing it away?” And Cindy goes “No! We aren’t throwing it away!” This goes on for 3 minutes, which is a long time when you’re being told to do something like that. Then……..Mary starts laughing. And I say “You’re not serious at all, are you?” And Cindy starts laughing and turns red and whatever. 
Anyway, have a nice day 
RACHEL CALLED ME LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!
And she might come this weekend, I might see her!!!!!! I’m so excited!!!! I haven’t seen Rach in 10 months……
There’s this kid in Red Lake, MN who shot up the school. From what I hear, a total of 18 people shot, 10 people have died. I’m willing to bet that the kid was on some sort of pill cuz they were saying on some news or something awhile ago that 17 out of 19 kids who shot up their school were on some anti depressant or something. They said it’s the second deadliest school shooting since Columbine.
OMFG
My dad’s a sore loser…and I thought I was a sore loser!!! He got mad when I won the first game of Scene It! we played tonight. He got it for me for my birthday, and we played it tonight and he wouldn’t play another game with me cuz I won. He kept saying that I suck cuz I got a lot of the answers right….but whatever cuz I won!!! hahahaha
That’s a fun game!!! If you like movies, it’s so much fun!!!
