Well, Jilly Bean’s husband died. On Thursday, I think. He wasn’t doing well for a long time. I work with her, she’s one of my favorites. Last week or the week before, he went into the hospital. She wasn’t sleeping well last week, and she was worried about him. I told her I loved her, and she said she loved me too. Then on Tuesday of this week, she looked very upset, and she went home early to be with her husband. She wasn’t at work for the rest of the week, so I haven’t seen her since then. Then yesterday, Cindy told me that he died, but she didn’t say when, so I assumed he died Thursday night. I’m going to buy her a card and write a long letter in it. I told Ruth, who’s known her longer than I have, and she said that Jilly Bean would like that.

Ok…I wanna die. Is that really so bad? I said that and Rusty was standing there. I think he said “You’re scaring me” and walked away. I THINK that’s what he said. I dunno. He said something. Ordering our computer today. FINALLY. Jesus Christ. And Minnesotans and their’s Ya’s. Geez. Instead of saying Yeah or Yes….we say Ya. Like we’re rounding up the horses or something.

Ok. So, there’s like no snow in Minnesota. Fuckin retarded.

“You can always close your eyes to what you don’t want to see…but you can’t close your heart to what you don’t want to feel.”

“Nothing real has a happy ending”

“Trust can take years to build up but just seconds to shatter.”

Some people are so stupid.

Well, Friday is Jenny’s last day at work. Next weekend she’s having her birthday party…sounds like a lotta fun. She’s having me over early to help her decorate and do her hair and stuff. And tomorrow we’re supposed to go shopping for the decorations. I’m buying a pinata and candy. Fun fun. Anyways, I’m at my grandma’s house right now, took forever to get here, like an hour and a half or more. The roads are shit right now cuz it’s snowing. Jen got pulled over today on the way driving me home. She thought that he saw her whippin shitties in the parking lot of Burger King…no… she got pulled over for stuff in her rear view mirror. She was nervous, thought she’d get a ticket, but no. Then she staid over for awhile, and we talked more about her party and stuff. Well, I’ve been sitting here for five mintues, saying nothing else, so I guess I’ll go now….

Hey have I mentioned that I say Meet the Fockers?? That’s a good goddamn movie!! And aren’t tigers beautiful??

Well, I don’t believe in God anymore, Joyjoy. I don’t think I ever did. Jenny is a Christian, and she said that I’m always so down on myself, and that she should take me to Church. Well, right after that, we got into a car accident. It was pretty bad, but no one was hurt. Jennifer was driving, I was in the front passenger seat, and Jenny was sitting in the back. We hit the other car the front passenger side and Jennifer’s van hit the other car on the driver’s side and scraped along after the driver’s door. The other car spun around then the back end lifted in the air and made a wide arc in the air then stopped when the back end fell back to the ground. I thought the car was going to flip. I was in shock after for like 10 minutes I could hardly move. I didn’t even feel the impact of it. I thought I was dreaming, like I was seeing it but it wasn’t even real. It happened yesterday. Then my dad was on his way home and stopped. Now I keep freaking out in the car. And I was with my mom today, and she drives like a maniac. She scares me.

And if God is real and He wants me to believe, that’s not the way to get me to believe.

Is there anywhere I can get a goddamn VCR?? wtf everyone just has dvd players, but I have vhs I wanna watch…..wtfe.

I just bought the Jet cd. funfun. I wanted to buy Pirates of the Carribean, but Target didn’t have it. Target’s retarded.

And oh yeah….got drunk on New Year’s again…I almost fell in the fire. hahaha