And OH YEAH….Merry fuckin Christmas and Happy goddamn New Year.

Getting drunk is so fun….when you have 3 Strawberry Daquiri wine coolers, 4 big giant mugs full of Cherry Coke and the Captain and a beer…ya get just a lil tipsy…..good times good times

Simple Plan

“Welcome To My Life”

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don’t belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels all right
You don’t know what it’s like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you’re bleeding

No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels all right
You don’t know what it’s like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I’m happy but I’m not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don’t know what it’s like, what it’s like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like (what it’s like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

Green Day

“Boulevard Of Broken Dreams”

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don’t know where it goes
But it’s home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I’m the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a…

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
‘Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I’m walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What’s fucked up and everything’s alright
Check my vital signs
To know I’m still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a…

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
‘Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a…

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I’m the only one and I walk a…

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
‘Til then I walk alone…

I’m very very very depressed right now. I have been for awhile. I called Rach last night. Then I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone else. I’ve lost my sister. It’s just as if I’ve moved to the opposite end of the earth.

How are the colors? I think they’re pretty. (If you haven’t noticed, my colors correspond with the my picture, which in turn corresponds with the season and what it looks like in Minnesota) except…….there’s hardly any snow right now…

I hate my fucking life. I’m going nowhere here. Damnit. UGH whatever

flailing
drowning
lost and confused
wondering and wandering
hurt
bleeding

So shopping was really fun. We went to the Albertville Outlet Mall. We went in not even half the stores and it took us three hours. We were there til all the stores closed. I spent the rest of my money, but luckily yesterday was pay day. Jenny and I get along really well. She’s gonna invite me to her bday party…and lemme see. We’re gonna have a drinking party one of these days. My dad calls me a boozer and I don’t even drink. Hmmm….hahaha

Yesterday we talked all day. For hours. We had no work, so we stood at tables facing each other, labeling 2,100 key chains, took forever. So while we were labeling, we talked. I told her a lot about me…yeah.

And even when I’m surrounded by people, I feel so alone. It’s the worst feeling in the world. I feel so sad. I’m unhappy. Jennifer (a different person from Jenny) told me one day that she could tell I was very unhappy. And stuff.

And some people really annoy me. Name starts with….nevermind. Some people know who I’m talking about. Forget it.

Whatthefuckever.

Last Resort

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation no breathing
Don’t give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

This is my last resort

Cut my life into pieces
I’ve reached my last resort
Suffocation no breathing
Don’t give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die pleading
Would it be wrong, would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mudilation out of sight
And I’m contimplating suicide

‘Cause I’m losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine

I never realized I was spread too thin
Till it was too late and I was empty within
Hungry, feeding on my chaos and living in sin
Downward spiral, where do I begin
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself and no love for another
Searching to find a love upon a higher level
finding nothing but questions and devils

‘Cause I’m losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine

Nothing’s alright, nothing is fine
I’m running and I’m crying
I’m crying, I’m crying, I’m crying, I’m crying

I can’t go on living this way

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation no breathing
Don’t give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

Would it be wrong, would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mudilation out of sight
And I’m contimplating suicide

‘Cause I’m losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine

Nothing’s alright, nothing is fine
I’m running and I’m crying

I can’t go on living this way

Can’t go on living this way
Nothing’s alright

Mmmm. Work is kinda tough right now. I’m tiiiiiired. Workin my ass off there. Lotsa lotsa orders to get out….hundreds of truck orders with many pallets…yeah. But me n Jen…we’re kickin some ass. We together really good. We’re going shopping tomorrow!!!! I love shopping. She wants to go shopping with me cuz I know deals….I feel proud. I told my dad that and he called me mental. Ha whatever. I have a crush on someone that I shouldn’t have a crush on. Whoops.

I hadda bribe my dad to let me come here to the library. I said I would clean the kitchen if we went to the library. So I cleaned the damn kitchen. And I cleaned my room top to bottom on Sunday and I washed my quilt. Yay for me….ack. My life is so damn boring. I can’t wait until we get a computer…2 1/2-3 weeks.

I’m really tired right now!!!! uuugggggggghhhhhhhhhhh. I’m still not sleeping very well. damnit! Ha Rusty didn’t like my Christmas present to him. I gave his four pallets 75″ tall…he wasn’t too happy. I shoulda told him to lighten up, but I didn’t. mmmm he gave me some Cotton Candy Bubble Yum today. That was good.

Ugh people piss me off. Politicians suck major ass. I hate em all. I sent a pallet of shit out today to Richmond, VA. Mmmm they ordered some Rolling Rock drinking gloves, some Stella Artois key chains, director’s chairs….other stuff I forgot. At least I think that was the order I’m thinking of….I dunno. I’ve picked and packed so many damn orders this week I don’t know. Shit shit shit and more shit. But whatever. My feet hurt and my brain hurts. Ha. OW….I cut myself with a blade the other day…yesterday, in fact. It hurt like a motherfucker and still hurts….it bled…omg. I hate blood….freaks me out. But that’s alright….gotta go for now…got other stuff to do….Maybe I’ll write more later….I still have the computer til 7…..talk to ya laters

*NEW*

Hey…so how doyall like my colors? I think they mesh well….don’t you? mmmm I can’t type no more…my eyes are burning…it’s time to go to sleep… yes? I think so….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz