My swing in the backyard is the best. I love it. It lets me free my mind. I can just sit there and swing and everything will be okay...at least for a little while. Then I come back inside and everything is bad again. I wish I could fly.

Why does everything always have to go wrong? I swear, everything in my life goes wrong. Every single fucking thing. I'm ready to give up...unless something starts going right...which will never happen. Joe told me that if I pray, everything will be okay within time. But I just can't....I don't have the patience, I want everything to be okay right now. My heart feels so heavy right now. I'm sorry if I'm not in a good mood...I don't think there's anything that can make me feel better...maybe if I took a head dive off the roof no one would have to worry or care anymore.

It's raining. beautiful. I love the rain. My sister got out her umbrella and I'm like, what do you need that for?! She's like, it's raining! And I go, SO?! whatever hahaha. I love the rain; it makes everything green and pretty. Yay! I seem to have a problem hearing my alarm clock...I seem to hit the snooze button for 20 minutes without knowing it...so yeah, woke up kinda late today...

Talked to Rob last night! I was happy, but he got mad cuz his brand new cd player decided it wasn't going to work...poor baby! But I told him to smile and he did! So yay! I learned some new things last night, good things.....(ya...about how his mind works...) 

Update:

I hate being in school. Ack.

I have forever until study hall is over!! It's supposed to storm good today...yesss!!! And my nails are growing long! YAY. hahahaha. Also talked to Mark and Denny last night. Talked to Fred, my sister Ashley, Ashley's friend Jackie and Rob (yes, again) yesterday afternoon. I talk to a lot of people! It would have been more though if a few more people had been online...I love to talk! Doesn't matter to who, just as long as I can talk, I'm good! On the phone, online, in person, don't matter. Talk about anything and everything....under the SUN, not on the dark side of the moon....anyways, bored.... :sigh:

POGS!!!! hahahah! I remember those! I just read one of them "you grew up in the 80's if...." things on someone's site! I remembered it all! Side pony tails, neon clothes, the Smurfs! and why Smurfette was the only girl...haha! and Fresh Prince and Saved by the Bell! Aahhh, Zack was sooooo hot! good times good times....

Another Update:

I am bringing everything home this weekend....everything!!! Yes sah I am I am....

I dunno what to write.

Isn't that funny? I write so much in here and I can think of nothing to write about now.

Love does funny things to people. It makes them think and act differently. You try and become a better person when you're in love. But isn't that ironic? This person fell in love with you for the person you are, but now you're trying to change. That's funny, in a twisted and ironic way...

Thank you and after my nap, I do feel much better!! So yay...and I don't think I had any nightmares like I did last night, so yay! I'm in a good mood now that I feel better...

My throat hurts and I can hardly talk . . . but I must go to school today . . . the car will be rolling out the driveway in 6 minutes . . .

Okay, I have 15 minutes to decide if I need to go home or not....I'm coughing all over the frickin place...I'm starting to wonder if I have mono or something...This really fuckin sucks...

Ya...I decided to come home...I didn't wanna get everyone else sick and cough all the time...Miranda's like "You better not get me sick!" So yeah....I'm gonna go lay down...

I have a ton of fucking shit to do...holy balls...bold...NOW

Econ: get notes

English: turn in palm pilot, work on literacy profile, introduction speech, and favorite quote and explain

Analytic Geometry: all the fucking assignments I didn't do....

World Cultures: 3 reports and 2 assignments, and take SE Asia map test

Spanish: a ver si puedo, activities 23 and 25

Quilting: get  er done!!!!!!!!!!!!

Business Management: get notes, take test, finish vocab, poster, golf course manager assignment, and finish job descriptions for final projects

Mother fucker am I fucking overloaded with shit.....part of it's my fault though....oh joy....tons of frickin homework for Crystal because she's a fuckin procrastinator and was gone for two days..........AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

And I have two fucking weeks to get all this shit done.......

I have only a few minutes until the bell rings........GRADUATION......oh dear god....the thought both scares and excites me....we had the big group photo of everyone in their caps and gowns... :tear: and then the individuals....I was so sad......but excited to leave this place...it's a complicated emotion........buh bye.......the bell is going to ring...........

In between the nightmares snake dreams of happier days.

Nightmares bend down and whisper a soft kiss as I wake and leave before I knew they were there . . . floating away into the depths of my mind where they cannot be seen touched or remembered.

Damn I need a dreamcatcher.

"He went to Paris searching for answers that bothered him so . . . some of it's magic some of it's tragic but I had a good life all the way."