I'm such a skipper!! lol...I'm not going to school today. A lot of people in my classes are gonna be gone today, so I asked my mom if I could just stay home, and she said I could. But the condition is that I have to clean. For 2 hours, which isn't that bad. Brrr. Kinda cold in here...crunchy back! Kinda bored...a little tired...some good music'll wake me up I think...
Month: April 2004
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A bad day turned into a good day, and I think I've fallen in love. It's guy A, and yummy ummy he's a cowboy! I didn't go to sleep last night, I was talking to him all night long. He sang to me...I felt so special. He's such a sweet heart!! Toh cute...
But yeah. I'm not even tired, so yay!!! I have makeup on today, so yay!! He says he likes me, so yay!!!!!! lol...
I wanna go to the Alabama concert!!!!!! :pout:
"Romeo Romeo where for art thou Romeo..."
I don't remember the rest, lol!
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I'm very very depressed today.
"So maybe I am bound By fate
A problematic scarring induced by hate
It never seems to all pan out
Is that what all this teaching is needed to scout
You seemed to have a bad effect
Your rules and contradictions I would neglect
Though not my fault you made me feel
Like my own education wasnt truly real
Then you came right in tearing out my soul
How could all this loss be your only goal
I`m left standing here desperate in the cold
Since you took your life mine has not been whole
So there I stood a scolded child
The reasons never questioned my pains been filed
Inside this place that makes me feel
I learned life is unfair and that is very real
[Chorus]
While you try to overcome the lesson
Makeing the most of those questions that just
Keeps me guessing
I`m looking longer, harder, further than I ever have
Solitude breaking me down you always seemed glad
To put me down and stick me in that little pit
Personal growth as a child that mattered not a bit
Then I became the person that you hated most
Disrespecting the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
A small example of what the things you`ve done to me
Have changed in my life and changed the things
I`ll never be
I`ll never be
[Chorus]"
"No one knows what it's like to be the bad man to be the sad man behind blue eyes no on know what it's like to be hated to be faded..."
- The Who, Behind Blue Eyes, Then and Now
"I cry when angels deserve to die..."
- System of a Down, Chop Suey!, Toxcicity
"The silence is what kills me..."
- Staind, For You, Break the Cycle
"I never meant to fade away..."
- Staind, Fade, Break the Cycle
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party!!! Only wish I coulda got drunk...not. I don't drink, so go me. I'm not gonna become my parents...
It was Meagan's b-day Tuesday, and I made her this really cool poster like thing. It was with paint and shimmer powder stuff for acrylic paint, and it was this list on 18 reasons to smile. It was pretty cute, she liked it. And I bought her a powerball, so gl Meagan! lol, that was number 15 or something, that she can win the lottery now. Anyway, that's what I did, since I have no money, but it really is the thought that counts...
I'm kinda tired right now. Grr.
Update:
It's raining.
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It was Grim Reaper Day today. There's a huge black poster in the hall that says "Guess What...It's Grim Reaper Day!" lol. But anyway, it's the day we have that remembers people who have died from drunk drivers. There are several people who "die" during the day. They have to have their face painted black and white, wear a shirt that says "I DIED BECAUSE OF A DRUNK DRIVER" or something...and they have a flower taped to the desk where they "died". Oh, and they can't talk for the rest of the day. It's funny how everyone trys to get them to talk...yea, funny stuff. So every hour they ring the triangle bell thing in the halls. Last year it was funner cuz the "Grim Reaper" wore a black thing and a mask, so no one knew who it was. And, the "dead" people got to wear red paint for blood wounds. I guess the BFD (big fuckin dick) principal decided it wasn't appropriate. AND, we don't get a senior skip day!!!!! I'm fuckin pissed...
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I slept pretty much all day yesterday after school. I only woke up to eat dinner (2 pancakes and a blueberry muffin) at 8:30 then I went back to sleep until 7 in the morning. So yay, I got some sleep...but I didn't do any of my homework ummm.......
So yeah.I'm still a little tired. I came into school early this morning, hoping to work on my quilt, but the teacher isn't here yet, so grr. I'm kinda thirsty and all I have is can of Dew (ewww). I should go out to my car so I can get money for a Pepper...you know what? I am! Have a nice day everyone!
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I decided to re-post this, just cuz I want to
....and, I'm very bored...
The Vicious Cycle
It all goes in a cycle. Hate is a cycle. Love is a cycle. The most vicious cycle of all is the cycle of hate and everything that goes with it. There are times when everyone hates, some more severe than others.
The cycle goes on and on, until there is someone strong enough to stop it. As long as the cycle of life keeps on going, there will be hate.
“A father beats his wife and children. He doesn’t know why, all he knows is that he is angry. He doesn’t even know why he’s angry. His son knows that he will never do such an evil thing. Then the day comes when he finds himself doing the same thing. His life changes. He starts drinking to get away from it all; when he’s drunk, he doesn’t remember what he does. But when he’s sober, he sees the bruises. He drinks some, beats his family some more. Then, his son says the same thing his father did: he will never ever beat his family.
“But then the day comes. The screams, the welts, the bruises, are all the nightly routine. Then he throws his wife down the stairs, she breaks herself during the fall. She loves him, she will never leave. He loves her too, but he just has a different way of showing it.
“Then one night while his eight year old daughter is sleeping, he slowly opens the creaky door. His wife is unconscious, beaten to oblivion in their room. He’s sweating, with a beer in his hand. He slowly closes the door. He kneels down by her bed and strokes her hair. He whispers in her ear, telling her how good she is, how she’s daddy’s little girl. Then he tells her other things, things he used to tell his wife. He gets excited and takes off his belt, then his pants. He rapes his young daughter, holding his hand over her mouth to keep her from screaming.
“She grows up, gets older. She’s twelve now, used to the nightly visits by her father. Late at night when he’s gone and passed out on the couch in the living room, she sobs in the shower, the hot water mixing with her bitter tears. She tries to wash away his smell, but she can always smell the stink of him.
“She wears tube tops and mini skirts, heavy makeup. She puts makeup on her arms to hide the bruises. She laughs and flirts. By the age of thirteen, she’s already known by everyone in town to be a skank. She dates older guys who abuse her, much the same as her father. While they abuse her, she cries. The tears go unseen. She bounces around. She drinks, smokes pot. Its okay, everyone’s doing it. And when she does, she feels no pain.
“She retreats to a place where her father doesn’t fuck her, a place where he doesn’t beat her.
“She grows up, barely graduating from high school, doesn’t go to college. She lives on the street, bouncing from guy to guy, all who beat her unconscious. When her bruises heal, she walks the streets, looking for a man to hold her, love her, take care of her. She does cocaine and heroine, a regular at the police station downtown and rehab.
“She tries to change, she doesn’t know how. She eventually finds someone. He beats her, but not as bad as the others. She has a daughter of her own.
“She grows up, becomes her own person. She has a family. Her husband is weak. She doesn’t hit anyone, she can’t. She yells at everyone, treats them like shit. She cries every night at what she says, but she can’t stop. She doesn’t know how.
“Her children grow up. Her daughter finally breaks the cycle. She never hits her family and very rarely yells.
“But her brother keeps it going. He drinks, he’s drunk almost every night. He starts beating his wife. She gets pregnant. He kills the unborn child because he threw her down the stairs. The second time she gets pregnant, he lets the child live. He hates what he’s become. He wallows in misery. He gets very drunk one night. He comes home very late. Everyone is sleeping.
“He’s crying, sobbing. He doesn’t know that his entire family is one of abusers; no one ever told him. He loads his shotgun. He goes into his room, where his wife is sleeping. He kisses her head. He shoots her where his lips had been a moment ago.
“He goes into his daughter’s room. She’s frowning in her sleep. She’s wearing a short-sleeved nightgown. He can see a yellow-green bruise healing on her arm. He chokes on a sob. He kisses her head and shoots her.
“He calls the police, hysterical. He can’t believe what he’s done. He confesses his crimes, hangs up, and shoots himself.”
