Okay so yeah. My attitude changed after 8th hour. We had a speaker. She talked about success. She said that no matter what you wanna do, you can be successful with the right mind set, so you have to change your attitude. She told stories to get her point across. I thought about it and realized that she was right. So yeah...thanks everyone for your support and everything...

I went grocery shopping last night. I spent about $100, but I also got a pair of light blue sweats that I'm wearing right now and I got some more shaver heads for my wonderful shaver...

hmmm................I'm kinda bored but I have nothing to write about. I forgot to practice guitar last night.....grr. So the pain in my fingers is starting to go away. Oh, and I forgot to get my guitar from the house last night. Well, the computer is on its way to being functional in my apartment...so yay. I think my mom is letting me keep that one and she'll take the other one. I dunno. Has anyone ever tried Vanilla Almond Special K? That stuff is the shiznit!! I love it...it's soooooo good!

"All I heard was blah blah blah I'm a dirty tramp." haha

Arg. I cried myself to sleep last night. Sadness overtook my soul and I cried. I cried for my friends that aren't talking and I cried for the friends that I feel powerless to help. And the question that always flies around my head appeared again last night: Why me? Why do I have to feel this way? Why can't I be happy? My nose is still stuffy from all my crying. Why does your nose get stuffy when you cry anyway? Why does everyone have to expect so much from me all the time? I had this huge lump in my throat that wouldn't go away until I sobbed it out. I truly hate school. Why do I have to be here? And why can't anyone answer any of my questions?

I had another dream last night where my mom abandoned me again. She was at this nice house where I couldn't go. I don't understand what they mean. Do they mean she really does want to abandon me? Is there really a God? I haven't ever thought so. If there was, why is the world such shit? Isn't he supposed to be all powerful and help people? I don't understand...whatever.

haha...no, I'm not gonna eat sushi...

But yeah. My grandma gave me $10, My mom gave me $180, (her reasoning was that there was $10 for every year...she says she's gonna stop doing that when I'm 21 ). But yeah, I walked into TI with $40 that I had already before, and I walked out with $100...but I owed my mom 20, so I doubled what I walked in with. Yay. So now I have just under $300...so yay. money money. And I guess I get a surprise gift every day this week, and there's another huge surprise this weekend that involves my mom's side of the family, so I dunno. But I already have a real necklace and ring that have my birthstones in them (aquamarine or something like that...), some makeup, earrings, an angel necklace from Malachi, and a DVD from Tyler. My mom gave me a clue as to which surprise I'll like better, and she said, "think of power". So I have 3 guesses on this one: new speakers for my car, a new car, or a new computer. Those all have power.... Anyway, have a nice day everyone!!!!!

Holy balls was my birthday awesome...just let me say, I am never ever eating out again. Seriously. Saturday I went to lunch at a buffet where I only ate two plate fulls of shit...Saturday night my dad took me out to a formal dining place, very very nice (very very expensive as well...), Sunday I went to Applebee's for lunch with my dad's whole side of the family. They were doing it for my grandma, since her b-day is the day before mine. It seems like they all forgot about my birthday...anyway, then last night my mom and Malachi took me to Treasure Island ("Resort and Casino!!!!" too bad a lot of you have never heard the commercial...) and we ate at the cafe there. Well, I've had enough of restuarants. Okay, so my dad gave me $40......we have a class coming in...gotta move to another lab...

Has anyone ever noticed how walking through the halls of high school is like an artistic dance?

You gotta twist, shimmy, slide through, pass, speed up, slow down, wait, sigh an impatient sigh, move your hips a little funny, duck your head, and walla...you've moved from point A to point B. Now, I am a fast walker, and I have learned to do this art very well...sorry...that just popped into my head!

So yeah. Some very tough shit goin on right now. Me and my mom have been living with her friend, Malachi. Yesterday she went ballistic and moved out. She upset me and ruined my birthday feeling. Now my b-day isn't going to be fun. Although she called me late last night and told me that she wasn't yelling at me, and that she would still spend my birthday with me, but now I feel like it's ruined. I called Rach last night and told her that mom might not pick her up after school today. She called me back a little bit later, telling me that if I wanted to, her dad and step mom would take me out to dinner for my 18th birthday and I could spend a few nights there. I said I didn't know. And Tyler, Malachi's four year old, came into my room last night, freaking out cuz his dad wasn't home. I told him he could sleep with me and after he fell back asleep again, I checked, and Malachi was sleeping on the floor. Poor kid. But that's me, always the caretaker in times of distress. Anyway, my future is way up in the air right now...and I really hate that feeling. I like knowing what's going to happen...

I'm gonna be quilting first hour today, so no reading anyone's site...again...I'm sorry...Lo siento...ummm...3 days till my birthday....woohoo!! I getta see Rach tomorrow...Yay!!!! I miss her so much...

And hey, Happy belated St. Patrick's Day!!! I'm 25% or more Irish!!! Kiss me, I'm Irish......hehe

grrr...no time for anything...I need to sleep...very tired...bell's gonna ring...

Necesito dormir....no es justo...No puedo dormir...

hehe...I can talk in Spanish! fun fun

But I am very very tired. I stayed up until 2 last night talking to my mom. I was feeling very depressed last night and she helped me a little bit. I was late for school this morning...I slept in...my alarm clock didn't go off...grr. Huge speech meet tonight. Conferences. I won't get home until 9:30-10. :tear: very tired...

9 days til my birthday...

I guess my mom's friend is planning a huge birthday surprise for me...I wanna know what it is...