February 9, 2004
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la di da di ladee doo. I am currently in a very fucked up state of mind. I haven’t taken my pills in three days. Grr blah. The speech meet was horrid. How can I write about what’s going on in my head?
My mom, step dad, and youngest sister are moving to Lake Tahoe in 3-4 weeks. I’m staying here, in this huge house all by my lonesome (until it gets sold), in an apartment all by my lonesome, or at Miranda’s house. I don’t think I’m ready to live on my own, taking care of myself. So many people my age think that they’re ready to be on their own, but they’re really not. And I really don’t wanna barge in on Miranda’s family again, so I don’t know. I’m scared of what’s going to happen. There, I admitted it. I’m scared. And I’m already feeling lonely. How the hell am I supposed to deal with this? I can’t help but feel abandoned, like my mom doesn’t want me. Her reasons for moving are these: she can’t afford to keep up medical costs that this winter season gives her (flu, earaches, throataches), she hates it here, and she wants to start her life over. Without me in it, I guess. I started crying today in Spanish. Does that make me weak? I feel like crying right now…
Comments (1)
No it doesn’t make you weak. It makes you normal. You have every reason to feel abandoned. I’m sorry that you are in that situation. Why are you being left behind?
If you need to babble at someone or feel like someone cares, you know where to find me.
Peace.