January 11, 2004

• grr. I went to the Return of the King again. I’m kinda tired, but I don’t want to go to sleep. I don’t know what kind of nightmares will haunt my dreams. Besides, I can’t sleep much. So what am I supposed to do??! grr

  
  

  I cried today. My mom brought up some things that I didn’t remember from when I was little. She told me how my dad used to do heroin and shit. She kept telling me all these bad things that I went through, long since forgotten. I wanted it to stay that way. Is that so much to ask? And she wouldn’t stop. She wouldn’t stop talking to me, and I wanted her to. Why am I so fucked in the head? Where the fuck did I get it from? I don’t understand. I just want to be NORMAL, is that so much to ask??! I guess it is, cuz I’m definately not normal. I have anxiety, insomnia, and I’m manic-depressive. I need to be on so many pills, it’s not even funny. But I have no money. Neither does my mom. She has to sell the house at the end of the school year. I should work on my homework. I’m such a damn procrastinator, so I can’t complain much about how much shit I have to do. But I honestly can’t help it. I’d much rather do so many other things, I just can’t do what I HAVE to do. GRR

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