So I finally remembered to take my pills this morning. But it feels like they aren't working anymore. I had a panic attack yesterday. It sucked. Grr. And I took my sleeping pill for the first time last night. It didn't start working for about half an hour. Then I couldn't get myself to wake up when my alarm kept going off. Whatever.
I have anxiety right now............
Hey everyone. I'm supposed to be typing my speech right now, but I'm not. I will, eventually...blah. I didn't wanna wake up this morning. But it's that way every morning. And I forgot to take my motherfuckin pills again this morning. Shit. Well anyway, I suppose that I better go over to Ben's house tonight and pick up my Christmas present. I gave him treasure (soap on a rope). (from Freddy Got Fingered...) It took him awhile to understand the joke...
Anyway, I better type my speech...
homework. arg
~~~~~~~~~
This whole "end of the semester" thing is killing me. I'm so goddamn tired. Last night I stayed up until 11:30, which isn't that bad. But the other night I stayed up until 2:30 in the morning finishing shit. And I worked all this weekend on honors options. I'm getting burned out. At least it's a three day weekend....and no homework. Saturday is sleep day. I'm gonna lock myself in the closet and sleep so no one bothers me...
the world falls into the starry sky of eternal suffering
the children cry
while we die
the moon laughs at the collapse
mankind lies naked on the leaves of doubt
whispers echo throughout the emptiness
a craving
a driving desire
a moment
a lifetime
an eternity spent in the dooms of the hollow mind
trapped
~~~~~
I'm so fucking tired!!!!!!! Damn!
I miss Jamie. I wish I still lived in Montgomery. I wonder if she still remembers me. I remember...
That summer, I helped her and her family move out of her house in the country and move into a house in town. I helped them all three days. I moved boxes and furniture. On the second night, we were sitting on the floor of her new room. I started to cry. She asked me what was wrong. I said I didn't want to move away. I cried and she hugged me for as long as I cried. I don't remember how long it was. But I remember thinking: It feels so great to have such a good friend. And now I haven't talked to her in over a year. I wonder if she still lives in that same house, with the same phone number.
Okay. I've only driven to Red Wing twice and it sucks. I hate it. But hey, when it's not slippery, I can go 70+ mph. Fun, huh? So I can't wait for my *18th* birthday. I'm so excited. I'm gonna buy a Powerball. And oo. Since there are 3 b-days in March, and 3 wedding annaversaries (sp????) in March, and since it's my *18th* b-day (and I can gamble...) the entire side of my mom's family is gathering at Treasure Island (Resort and Casino!). We're gonna rent a suite for the night, eat at the buffet, gamble, hang at the pool, and open gifts. One of my presents is that I'm getting the hair on my upper lip ~permenantly~ removed and my eye brows ~permenantly~ shaped. So I'm excited for that. And I wanna get lasik for eyes and a breast reduction. My dad's insurance pays for the breast reduction like 100% if it's for medical reasons..which it is, cuz my back hurts ALL the time. So yeah. I'm excited. I have another DR.'s appt. on Monday with a counselor. They're gonna have me take a whole bunch of tests and stuff to see exactly what kind of mental problems I have. Not looking forward to it. It's boring taking tests...
BLAH
"Put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up/Put the lime in the coconut..." Yeah, I can't remember how it goes. But I was trying to get to "DOCTOR!"...cuz that's where I was yesterday. It was so damn boring. So yeah. They gave me a prescription for my GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and depression. Huh. How fun is that? Woowee. But I'm so tired I could die. And yeah. I didn't write as much in my story that I wanted to. I get upstairs, and I see all the homework that I had. So I did my homework. So grr. I'm starving cuz I had no lunch money and I couldn't eat. My tabs are due this month and I have no money. Grr. Tomorrow is pay day, so yay yay. BLAH
