sadness

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be truly happy. Well, I guess I wonder that all the time. I'm getting increasingly frustrated at my job. I don't know how much longer I can take it. I'm going to quit, but I need to look for another job first. It's just everything. I don't mind what I do, it's not that. I can't stand my boss. It seems like he hates me or something. I don't know. I can't do any deep thinking right now. I'm too tired.

A person's life is no more than a twinge in time. When your world ends, another begins. Another world for you, this world for another. When you die, where do you go? If you are a Christian, you believe that you go to heaven or hell. But what if you are not? I don't know about any other religions other than the one I was brought up with. Even now, I seriously doubt my belief in Jesus Christ. In fact, I think right now, I could be considered athiest (I don't know how to spell that). I just don't think I can believe in God. I wonder if I can ever find a religion to belong to because of my reasons for being a non-Christian. My reasons are this: I can't see or feel Him. Honestly. Yes, I think life is a wonderful miracle, but I don't necessarily think that God is behind this miracle. I also have an argument against the Bible: Alright. So God created the Earth from scratch, yes? And he created man on the what day? The 5th? 6th? I don't know. But he created Earth in 6 days, and man on one of those days, let's put it that way, shall we? But, dinosaurs were around for millions of years, and there is no way that dinosaurs and man could've been living together. So, how is this possible? I've asked several people: friends, Christians, pastors. No one can answer my question. And we have proof that dinosaurs were around, we have their bones! There is no way anyone can tell me that there isn't a problem here. I guess I'm the type of person who looks at proof. But still, I don't FEEL Him anywhere. I swear. When I look at the sky, the sunset, the sunrise, the stars, I think it's beautiful. I think a tree covered with ice is dazzeling. A flower is gorgeous! But I don't FEEL God there. I love to watch nature, but I don't FEEL Him there. I believe that everything happens for a reason, fate, if you will, but I don't think it's God that's orchastrating my life. I honestly don't KNOW WHAT  I think it is that controls fate. I don't really have the time to do any soul searching either to try and figure out what it is I believe. I don't know. I believe that I'm rambling and I'm sorry . . .

Grr.

"I always tell the truth even when I lie."

I'm going shopping today.

My life sucks. But who's doesn't?

Work sucked last night. And Mirnada got me sick. But it's not her fault, I guess. I get sick very easily.

I'm tired. Can I go home yet? But I'm going shopping.

"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple."

I'm thirsty.

1- My milk shake brings all the boys to the yard,
and there like,
its better than yours,
damn right its better than yours,
i can teach you,
but i have to charge!

Repeat 1

I know you want it,
the thing that makes me,
what the guys go crazy for,
they lose their minds,
the way i whyne,
i think its time,

2- lala-lalala,
warm it up,
lala-lalala,
the boys are waiting,
lala-lalala
warm it up,
lala-lalala,
the boys are waiting,

repeat 1- 2x

i can see your on it,
you want me to teach thee,
techniques that freaks these boys,
it can't be bought,
just know things get caught,
watch if your smart,

repeat 2

repeat 1- 2x

oh once you get involved,
everyone will look this way-so,
you must maintain your charm,
same time maintain your haylo,
just get the perfect(land?),
plus what you have within,
then next his eyes are squint,
then he's picked up your scent,

repeat 2

repeat 1- 2x

I am so tired right now. I think it's cuz I spent half the night half awake. I couldn't sleep. My nose was clogged so I couldn't breathe and my throat was dry cuz I had to breathe out of my mouth. It sucked. I think I heard Johnathon say "FUCK!" last night after Mary left, but I'm not sure if I was dreaming or if he really said that. If he did say that, he was playing a game, but that was at 4 in the morning, so I don't know. I played Max Payne last night for three hours. It's a good game. But I kept fucking dying and it was pissing me off. I dunno what Johnathon's problem is. He seemed kinda grouchy cuz he yelled at his dad when he got home last night. Well what the fuck. I don't get it. He still lives at home, but he's never there!! He only comes home once every few days, and he never spends a lot of time there when he does come home. But on Wednesday night it was pretty funny cuz he was drunk. And Miranda had to point out to me that he eats funny. So when we were at their family's house for Thanksgiving, all I did was laugh. He was looking at me like what the fuck, but I didn't say anything. And Mianda's really sick right now. She stayed home today. She's got this phlemy cough and she's got a runny nose. I think I'm starting to get sick from her. But I've also had an upset stomach for the past couple of days. It sucks. Jojo wants to have a Christmas party, but Miranda said no. Then she said we can have one, but she wouldn't come (but she lives there too!). Then she said she was just kidding. So I dunno. OOO!. Our PartyLite party is on Saturday. I dunno if my mom threw away the invitations, or sent them for me, but I didn't see them when I was there for Thanksgiving. But whatever. My nails look nice now cuz I used my grandma's buffer thingie that has three different things you have to do to your nails. Hmm. They're growing. This makes me happy. Wahoo. I wanna watch Finding Nemo right now. I swear, I'm obsessed with that movie. Damnit. My nose is starting to itch. Anyways, I think I'm gonna go now, goodbye...

It's almost Christmas!!!