December 14, 2003
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I wish upon a star . . . that I can find it within myself to love myself. Why do I hate myself? I do not know. I think that I need to talk to a psychiatrist..but I don’t have the money. I wish that I could have a long, deep conversation with someone. I don’t care who. I just need to talk. I think I’d feel a lot better. But I have no one to talk to. :sigh: And this makes me even more sad. Depression is evil. I want it to go away. But it can’t just go away. It just keeps coming back again and again to haunt me. Some people say that you have a choice in wwhat your mood is like every day: “When you wake up in the morning, you make the choice, this is going to be a good day or this is going to be a bad day.” I don’t necessarily believe that, I’m sorry. I want to have a good day every day, but that just doesn’t happen. Sometimes the things people say to me get me depressed. They might think it’s only teasing, but I take it seriously. And I don’t think I need to “lighten up,” because I laugh all the time at jokes. But there are some things that I just don’t think are funny. I dunno . . .
Miranda told everyone that she’s pregnant, so it’s okay that I can write it in here now. I’ve known for a very long time, but I know how to keep my mouth shut, unlike some people, I’m not going to name names, but you know, whatever. So I guess Miranda just wanted to tell everyone. She brought in an ultrasound pic. It’s so cute! Anywayz, I’m gonna go to bed now….goodnight.
Comments (2)
It sounds to me like people, including yourself, are blaming you for your depression. It’s not your fault, everyone gets depressed and it usually mostly caused by circumstances outside of your control. Try not to blame yourself so much for everything. I used to be depressed and found it difficult to open up to people, and I still am somewhat. There are so many interesting things in the world, but some of them can cause us to want to retreat. But I guess we can’t.
yeah u just think its ok to talk about miranda being pregnant like that but do you really think that she wants you to tell everyone on the internet? You are very selfish in thinking of yourself all the time.