October 12, 2003
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I slept really good last night. But I had a dream…
My mom was looking through my stuff. She didn’t know I was watching her. So I say, “If I can’t trust you to not look through my stuff, how can I live with you?” So we get in the car. And I ask her, “Why were you looking through my stuff?” She’s quiet for a very long time. Then she says, “Well, we’re going on vacation, and I needed to clean out your backpack to pack some clothes.” I knew she was lying, then I woke up.
I think that’s kinda interesting. I think it shows how she really is, so I don’t think I can live with her now. I’m supposed to go there today after I leave grandma’s. I dunno. I wanna see Rach, but I don’t know if I can stand being around my mother. I’m kinda grouchy right now. I don’t know why. Dad’s shoulder still isn’t much better. He has it in a sling. We saw Barb yesterday. She’s in a lot of pain. Every time she moves, she hurts from the stitches. She might have to have chemo or radiation. I feel so bad for her. DeVante lives with her, and I know she doesn’t like it when he sees her in pain. He’s her grandson. But I think he’s taking it pretty well. They took a whole lobe off her right lung.
Black Clouds-Papa Roach
This is making me crazy
These black clouds following me
So I look for signs of light
But rarely I see them
I return to my shelter
And I crawl in a bottle
I’m losing my will for this
So over emotional
Black clouds
They rain down but
They can’t kill the sun
Confession of depression
This life I’m second-guessing
Like ashes to ashes
I always seem to fall down
I’m tired of running
It’s time to face my demons
Confession of depression
This life I’m second-guessing
My emotions are storming
And tears fall just like rain
Pain strikes like lightning
Despair is becoming my friend
I’m pushing myself to a point of self-destruction
Black clouds
They rain down but
They can’t kill the sun inside
