October 11, 2003
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As Ben would say: “Poop is not a form of paint.”
My life kinda reeks right now. My dad’s shoulder hurts really bad right now, he can’t even move his arm. I worked every damn day this week. I’m tired. Barb quit. She’s one of the cooks, so now we only have one cook. I don’t really care about Barb, but I feel bad that Vonda was crying. My mom was disappointed that I didn’t go home last night after work. But I was tired! What the hell am I supposed to do? Jo can’t hardly walk. I feel bad for her cuz she’s in pain. I guess I’m what you’d call compassionate. A lot of things kinda get to me, I just don’t let it show. And I’m really quiet in school. A lot of times, I just don’t feel like talking. I feel depressed a lot again. I think maybe my life is just not worth livng anymore. But how many times in my life am I going to feel that way? I mean, I wake up from nightmares, I can’t sleep at night, I have no one to talk to…and I think that if I killed myself, no one would care. Seriously..if everyone goes behind my back and talks about me, why would they care if I wasn’t here anymore? Besides, I’m only gonna see them for about 8 more months, so what if it’s cut short? I don’t know. I honestly don’t care anymore.
Comments (1)
Life is always worth living. I too claim to be fated with a big heart and many things get to me too, although I rarely voice them.
Life is like a pathway…there are going to be bumps but eventually everything is going to smooth out, because bumps can’t go on forever.
The ability to laugh and smile can change your whole outlook on life. Keep your chin high and a smile on your face. Things have to get better–even if they get worse first.
Amanda