Like a lot of things, I find that my opinion on this has changed lately. In the past, I've seen modesty differently. I used to think, "well, if she's got it, she can flaunt it," ...as long as it's at least tasteful. However, I've taken a step back, and thought about the direction this is going. I've thought about the past compared to how we see things today. I've also thought about religions and modesty.
I think a lot of our ideas on modesty comes from religion. When we think about covering ourselves because of religion, most people think about Muslims. However, this view is not at all accurate. My history class is in European history, from 1450-1789. Prior to learning about this, we learned a general overview of the history of the Church, as life in this time period centered heavily around the Church and Christianity in Europe. There was no separation of Church and State in those times, and many laws were built around what was or was not acceptable in the Christian faith. Covering one's hair was also a Christian value. In fact, if a woman was a prostitute, she was *not* allowed to cover her hair, and in some areas this was regulated by law.
The reason a woman was required to cover herself was because women were thought to be unclean creatures, sub-human compared to men, and that the general nature of women was to be wanton and overtly sexual, devious creatures. In order to "save face," a woman was required to cover herself to show that she was not an unclean woman.
I do not believe in this harsh, strict view of women, that we are sexually devious or unclean, simply because of the religious connotations. I do, however, think that women should show some respect for themselves. I think that with the rise of feminism, women have started to think that we are all-powerful, strong women and we can wear whatever we want simply because we can (yes, I am generalizing..). I think that with this mindset, we have gotten away from valuing ourselves as human beings; that we sexualize ourselves in a manner that is unbecoming.
Don't get me wrong, I used to appreciate the view of some cleavage, and I used to sometimes show a little myself. But honestly, it just disgusts me now. I see people out in public with their boobs hanging out and I literally feel disgusted. And really, I don't know what's worse: the fact that a woman does it, or the fact that a man values it. Our bodies are something that is to be valued, and what does that say about us if we value half naked women? I believe that there's something to being modest. Not that we have to wear turtle necks, but we shouldn't have our boobs popping out of our shirts.
Part of the reason I was inspired to write this post was because I walked downstairs the other day, and my dad and sister were watching The Voice. I swear, every time I see that show, Christina Aguilera's boobs are popping out (to be fair, when I searched for photos for this post, there have been times she's properly covered), and I felt really disgusted. I called her a skank, and my dad goes, "well I like it!" Yes, I'm sure you do...because men these days idolize immodesty.
To me, this is just gross. It's not feminine, and it's not beautiful. I think in properly covering oneself, it adds mystery and wonder. I've never done this, but I think there's something truly beautiful in the hijab:
This is feminine. I'm not saying that people should dress this way..but there should be more coverage, and more respect of oneself. Dressing skanky because you have the body to, because you think you can, doesn't mean you respect yourself. I think it says the opposite. You're objectifying your body because you're lacking something else in your mind...whatever it may be.
Also, I believe there is a difference between art and dressing slutty, just have to clarify that.
The reason I don't think this direction is good is because...what is it teaching the next generation? The kids of today? They see Christina on The Voice and they think that dressing like this is okay. It takes a parent to step in and say, no, this is not how people with values dress. It's teaching kids that seeing their body as an object of sexual persuasion is okay, which I don't believe it is. I think it's the wrong direction to go in, and I think it's gone too far. This is only part of the reason I no longer value anything pop culture.
Anyhow, these are just my thoughts on the subject. I'd be interested in hearing yours.
Comments (58)
I totally agree with you :)
I believe there are many ways for a woman to accentuate her beauty, some very modest, some less so. I am a guy, so of course I love revealing clothing on a woman, but I also enjoy a bit of mystery, beauty hinted at but not on display. Clothing and other accessories can be used to accent some features and hide others, and provide a colorful show of their own. Physical beauty, as I have often said, comes in all shapes and sizes, and it should be the lady's choice of how much to show to the World.
actually i dont care for christina or the way she looks. and the other photos of the women you posted are much more pleasing
I guess my opinion is just that a little cleavage is fine... but I wouldn't show as much as Christina there. Goodness.... I dunno. My opinions on this have changed over the years.
I think that, on the one hand, wearing revealing clothing often is a sign of insecurity about some other part of themselves, and it's disrespectful in certain situations. On the other hand, if it's not the kind of thing they do often, but maybe just in certain social settings where it's considered acceptable (the club, a party), I don't really have a problem with it but I still think it's insecurity (my own bias, I suppose). I do, however, think it's unfair to say that people who wear revealing clothing have no values. They have values that you don't share, to be accurate. Besides, it's a well studied fact that viewership of a television show is directly impacted by the attractiveness of the tv personalities, and they are in the business of making money which depends on ratings to sell advertising space. I'm certain the producers of the show have a say in the wardrobe.
@theKisSilent - Yes, that would be true, that they have values, just not the values I see, good point. However, your point with TV and marketing...that's exactly what I'm saying. Why do people find that they have to show more than they should to be attractive? Do the viewers actually find it attractive to do so? I don't watch TV anymore, and partly because of this, and also the the brain washing and indoctrination of what the advertisers want to sell and the lack of what I consider quality values. It's all a consumerism game and I refuse to play it anymore. If I want to watch something, I find it online ad-free, or on Netflix. Also, there's a lack of quality programming, IMO...and sorry for the rant, lol!
Love this post. Modest is hottest. :P
I agree. I think that there is nothing inherently wrong with revealing one's body, but I think that, because of the perception fo it in our society, it sends the wrong message. Wearing clothes like Christina's says to me, "This is what I have to offer the world. This is my value and this is what you can have if you have something sufficient to offer me in return." I think, because sex is such a strong drive and a hot button issue with us, that kind of presentation overpowers everything else that person may have to offer.
I completely agree with you.
Wow, i'm so used to you thinking the other way that this is kind of a shock xD! I totally agree.
I enjoyed reading your post. I don't watch t.v. either, but if I had one, I WOULD WATCH IT!!!!
I am with your dad.
I have two opinions about this, and generally I keep them to myself since boobs are fucking glorified these days. It disgusts me too. However, there is more to it than that. What about shit like Toddlers and Tiaras. Creating horrible values in children from the time they can walk and talk to when they grow up to get boob jobs. Like you said, men will look at a woman willing to show some tit, but they don't seem to listen to her or value her thoughts and opinions. So, sure, the constant show of tit and leg is definitely gross to me, but the fact that we are teaching it so young, that disgusts me more and I gag just thinking about it.
On the other hand, I don't think we should treat nudity as a bad thing. I feel this is different than flaunting half naked. We are afraid of nudity and think it is somehow evil for our children to view it in any form. How is a man's nipple different from a woman's? It isn't. I feel that this is, in fact, adding to the whole situation and making it worse. If nudity wasn't so abhorred in America, then this wouldn't really be a problem in the first place. I think women wouldn't feel the need to flaunt, because nudity would no longer be taboo.
Anyways, thought provoking post.
I agree that girls need more self-respect and need to not be putting all of themselves on display for boys in their life.
Holy crap, Christina needs to put her boobs away :P (and possibly use half the amount of makeup she slaps onto her face...)
I had a long comment but then it made me sound a bit wishy-washy so I scrapped it haha. But I'll just simply say that I agree with your post and more ladies need to read this.
I love how when a guy says women should be modest, they get ridiculed... but when a female says it everyone loves her and says things like: modest is hottest. I agree, I just see a double standard.
there are some guys who want to know females beyond sexual objectification, but darn it is difficult when they walk around with short shorts, skirts, and lots of clevege. It seems like females (say they) want to be respected for thier mind but then by the way they dress propose the opposite. I think men and women are getting conflicting information, and I know it at least drives me pretty nuts. There have been days I have to avoid my own female friends because they are wearing something and I cant focus on them, thier face, only thier legs because of thier short skirt/shorts or thier boobs hanging all out - so bascially, I try to avoid them.
Sometimes I am thankful for winter, ha!
@Doubledb - Tell your friends to put some more clothes on.
To the writer: Not all guys value those things or like those things. I walk down the street and constantly tell myself "Train your eyes" as in, train my eyes and my mind to not look or to look away if it crosses my vision. Thank you for the call to modesty.
@Doubledb - I agree with covering up. I the shortest shorts I wear land somewhere around the halfway point between my knees and my butt. And those are only as PJs, never leaving the house in them! I'm usually rocking the jeans or dress pants. I agree there is a double standard between men and women, but there shouldn't be.
OP, I agree with your stance. I just could never wear a hijab. Sometimes I get claustrophobic because of my earrings so I can only imagine how hard it would be to have my head wrapped for the whole day.
The woman in the black-and-white hijab is stunning. I enjoyed this post.
Thekissilent was spot on. It's about selling albums and attracting attention. Exhibitionism is the cheapest form of publicity and this will not and should not stop unless we're ready to sacrifice our liberty to express ourselves. Personally I'm revolted by Christina's appearance, but at the same time am shocked at the suggestion that she or anyone should adopt the ridiculous middle-eastern attire just for our viewing convenience. The world is a gritty shocking place and that's the way it should be. As much as I hate western consumerism and flagrant exhibitionism, I see the alternative as far more terrifying - living in a muted, intolerant culture that expects everyone to conform to some high standard just because someone is uncomfortable. Great writing though, and what an awesome dialog!
I like the idea of only dressing slutty for the guy I'm with.
I like cleavage. My pics generally show cleavage. It's not for attention. It's because I do think my boobs are amazing and they are apart of me. If we were allowed to walk around naked, I totally would, but there is that taboo. But we can't, so I do the equivalent of what I should be able to do. Now, I will say, there are times to not flaunt my cleavage. In a professional manner. I wear very nice dress shirts, with dress jackets. I will unbutton the top button though, showing no cleavage but it's me throwing my first in the air at the "professional" world. I think if a woman is confident with herself, she shouldn't be afraid to show it in whatever way she wants to. Now, there is a difference between sexy confidence and just dressing slutty! You will never see me wear short shorts! I may buy a dress for the clubs, but it goes with the atmosphere, I want to look sexy. But if I am not in the club, I wear pants 24/7 365 days a year! Even in the summer! I hope this made sense, I rewrote it so many times lol. Basically if your confident with your body, dressing confident sexy is ok! I will always choose a great cleavage showing shirt (not squishing out my boobs though, they are safely inside and not coming out!) over a regular shirt.
I strongly disagree with you. But first Christina's boobs... I can't stop staring at them. I mean, they move all over the place, it's fascinating. Where you see disrespect for one's self, I see self acceptance and a person doing what she wants. A bit of boobs never killed anyone, in fact boobs are meant to nourish babies so they are objects of life.
I used to hide my boobs because 1) I was always cold when I was a teenager 2) fear of being assumed to being something I'm not and 3) fear of being attacked. Now, I say screw it all. I am a woman, a full grown woman who has birthed and nursed children, I have boobs. I have large, nice ass boobs that men stare at even when I show no cleavage. That's not my fault, I will not be blamed for the actions of other people. I will not hide them any longer. If it's 105 outside, I'm going to wear tank tops even though some will think I look like a slut. I don't give a crap anymore. I'm 39 years old and have slept with two men in my life, I don't qualify as a slut or a skank.
Can't we women stop slut shaming each other? My cleavage is not meant for public consumption just because I don't hide it anymore. I don't actually purposely flaunt it, but I don't hide it either. Women have boobs, because they are women. Nothing about boobs is shameful, dirty, disgusting, or wrong. No woman should be judged as a slut or skank because she shows cleavage. Go to Europe, and then you'll see cleavage because even grannies flaunt it over there. And when I do show cleavage, trust me I am respecting myself. It is about my self-esteem as an individual who is a grown woman with the equipment that grown woman have. I will not be shamed for being a woman anymore, because I did use to worry about that.
**I think hijabs make women look beautiful.